Happy Happy Birthday Jesus. You know people say that “We’ don’t know what day he was actually born. And I say to them, while that may be true, can you set aside “THIS” day as a day you celebrate his birth? Its not a 5 minute conversation, its a clear “yes or no”.
For the last maybe 2-3 months I have been asking God to show me … ME. And its amazing how much I have really learned. Stuff I didn’t even remember because I have so much going on in my head and in my life, that I totally forgot things. For example…. I kept trying to understand why do I go all out my way to try to get people to understand things. Why do I have to keep going over stuff? Why can’t I just leave it alone. Everybody is not going to see things my way, and no matter how many times I go over a certain topic, and I’m right about it, or wrong about, people are going to see things their way and that’s all it is to it. Why is that so hard for me to understand?
I’ll tell you why…..
God bought back to my remembrance that when Neisha was in elementary school, I was working there as a teachers aide. After a few years of doing that, I was assigned to work with the school’s Special Reading Tutor. She was so nice and so caring to me and the children. One day she told me that she really liked the way I work and teach the kids, that she told me that I should go back to school so that I could teach. Either that year, or the next semester, she talked to the Principal and they gave me my own classroom. HAHA LOL I HAD FORGOTTEN ALL ABOUT THIS EXPERIENCE. My class was very private, they gave me the space to be creative, and I had my own supplies… Matter of fact I was in charge OF ALL THE SUPPLIES IN THE WHOLE SCHOOL! LOL I forgot all about this. I had my own students that I would tutor everyday. I remember so clear that after a year of tutoring the same kids, the teachers would come up to me and say….. my student is doing so well because of you. Thank you!! How do you get the children to remember? I didn’t know that it was natural for me. I’ve always wanted to be a teacher, but never look at myself as being one. So… I threw it out of my mind.
When it came to the state tests, this would help the teachers as well as the school score high. OMG…. that next year, teachers would come up to me and beg me to please take a few of their students. They BEGGED me to tutor their students. I did that for 3 years straight until I decided that it was time for me to move on. I left but went back 2 times. I hate that the school is no longer there. Neisha is now 24, I was her age when I taught years ago.
The point I was making about me always wanted to see people “get it” or understand, stems from me being a natural teacher. I FINALLY UNDERSTAND MYSELF. It would kill me to leave someone that I’ve explained something to, and they NOT get it. That explains my compassion for people, AND my heart to see people succeed. This explains the reason why I’m always trying to see the good in others, the positive, it explains why I have this desire to be around greatness, and to uplift the homeless, and the youth, the elderly. When I see children, my heart instantly goes out to them, I have to purposely make conversation. This has explained who I AM. PRAISE GOD!!! THANK YOU JESUS.
These last 6 months, I’ve been walking around wondering why am I so different? Why am I so loving and having deep conversations with doe doe birds who can’t see the big picture. And I wonder why I have the patience to go over, and ove,r and over, and over the same things with people, hoping that they’ll get it. I’m like this with everyone. My family, my friends, my coworkers, strangers, children, everyone!!! I can say now that I’m finally at that point where if you don’t get it, it may mean that I’m NOT the person who is suppose to teach it to you. I remember thinking to myself at times back then, that it comes a time, when I “sit back and watch you fall”. As bad as it hurts, I have to take my hands off you.
This explains why people call me late, early, evening to talk, ask questions and want me to break it down for them. This explains why I’m a popular person, my conversations are always full of season. This explains why people want to be around me, when sometimes I feel like crap!!! It explains why my nieces and nephews who are 20,19,18 love to listen to me talk about life. This explains why I have Favor. I didn’t know this. I am a Teacher at heart. If I had a vision to do something, YOU BETTA BELIEVE that LaCrease is going to pull it off. I have the power to put something together and have people do everything that’s asked of them, just because I have proved to be trustworthy. This explains why I had the desire to form my Ministry group Raisingurls to Women, and now a Sistergurls group. To put together gatherings, cook from my own home dinners and feed 86 Homeless people, and also to put together Valentines Day Care Packages for them. I so get it now.
Sometimes, I feel as tho Im too nice, or too giving. This end year of 2010, God is showing me everyday who I am, and who I DONT HAVE TO BE. Oh its mind blowing. But that’s a topic for the next blog……coming right up!