Thank God its Friday!!! Been doing a lot of thinking lately about myself. And I have come to the conclusion that I think about helping everyone else but myself. I don’t even know how I came to this place, but for the last week I’ve been very quiet and just watching the things I say and how I go about my life.
Last Thursday when we got our bonus, I bought myself a laptop. I put it in our layaway and when it was time to get it out, I had a hard time accepting the fact that this was for me. I spent $500.00 on me and I was having a hard time with it. I haven’t told anyone about it, as a matter of fact when my sister was over, I actually hid it before I opened the door for her. But she came right in and told me that she and her husband was buying a NEW car within the week. She was happy and I was happy for her, but why can’t I be happy for myself? Its not like I don’t feel like I deserve it, but I feel that I can be doing for others. I feel like I have things, and God has Blessed me. I dunno 😦
Here it is a week and a day later, and still I haven’t shared with anyone the new laptop I bought for myself. Truth is, I believe that I should be buying family and friends $500.00 worth of gifts. But how did I come to this conclusion that I should be doing that for them, when I need want and desire this laptop. Why can’t I just be happy and enjoy it? One thing I know for sure, this cannot go on into 2012.
So many things God told me in the past that was going to happen has came to pass. And then there are things that haven’t came and to me it seems as if I’m hindering those things. As if, I’m scared for them to happen for me. That is so crazy. Where does this kinds of crazy thoughts come from?
Anyway enough of that…… I have sat for 3 days quietly, its been 8 days since I bought the gift for myself and from this day forward I will not feel undeserving of the Blessings from God, I will accept them and be glad about it. I promise to do things for myself as I continue to Bless others, I will let God do his work, and I will be THANKFUL!!