Month: April 2012

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Just when I thought I had FORGIVEN Everyone…. Cree’s Blog Entry *OprahLifeClass*

SO, I was watching Oprah’s Life Class 4/16/2012 on my computer and TV at the same time on Monday *so that I wouldn’t miss the behind the scenes segments during commercials*. The topic mainly were about Forgiveness.

As I was watching TD Jakes speak, I was going through my mind and came to the conclusion that I had forgiven everyone. But the more he spoke, I KEPT feeling a tug in my heart. And after about 4 good tugs, I asked God have I forgiven everyone? Why am I feeling some kinda way? He said No. My eyes bucked…..cause I was kinda shock, but I kept on thinking well WHO COULD IT BE LORD? Then I thought about this one person who I know for a fact that I AM STILL ANGRY with to this day.

Now, I’m the kind of person who has LOVE for everyone, once you cross me….. I will speak to you and even chat with you if I see you somewhere on the streets. But you will NEVER be apart of my space… which I keep PEACEFUL AND DRAMA FREE.

Once God told me that it was someone I hadn’t forgiven… I had to go deep into my heart and remember who this person was. It was LAMAR. *SIGH* of the thought of even bringing this up. But I want others to see that no matter how you LOVE , there could still be “holes” in your heart where you may not have forgiven someone. I’m known for burying things in my heart and never bringing them to surface again… but God has a way bringing issues back to ME.. and in the process helping me to deal/cope with them. And for that I LOVE him.

I met Lamar through his mom, who worked with me for years at an elementary school at the time. I told her about a vacancy across from me and they both moved in. He was then in his 30’s and I was in my late 20’s. He was my first gay friend and he was not only SO FUNNY, he had the prettiest and whitest teeth ever on a man. Back then I was partying 2-3 times a week * from 5 times a week* and as winter came in, we would take turns playing cards, drinking and talking junk in each other apartments. When Lamar drank….man he was no one you wanted to be around. He use to cry, curse you out, talk crazy junk,wouldn’t go home, bring up stuff from the past…. He was a handful, and as always the next day he would knock on my door saying this *Walker, I’m sorry about last night*… and as surely as I was a forgiven person…. I would take back his friendship. * lots of thoughts come to my mind as I remember those days*.

I met MY BEST FRIEND Charlene at a summer job 23 years ago. We hit it off instantly. We would talk on the phone day in and day out. She was going through her thing with her kids dad, and SO WAS I. We had a lot of hard times together as far as the trials that went on with our kids father. We were dead broke at times, had to borrow from each other to stay afloat. I remember in the winter time, we would meet at the corner of our block and walk together to the grocery store to get food. We use to get our hair done by the same person, we were some bus catching sisters. We always DID what we had to do!!! We never waited around for anybody, we put 2 and 2 together and we made it happen.

What I LOVED about my BFF was that she LOVED the LORD….and so did I. We did our thing as far as drank and had lots of friends over in our days of hanging, but we always read our Bibles together and studied over the phone. Before I met her, she told me that she was IN LOVE with this guy she had met, who lived near her when she was about *13 or 14.. she’s 41 now*. They had both felt the same way about each other. Even though they were way to young to talk about Marriage, they KNEW they were meant for each other. As time went on, she found someone and had 2 children, he had got into some trouble, and was sent away for a while. But they always talked over the phone and wrote letters to each other. All of her out coming and in coming mail to him read like this: Mrs. Charlene Hayes. She would read some of his letters to me over the phone,  I was so happy that she was happy.

I remember she would tell me that the older she got the less she wanted to give him all these kids he wanted. He wanted a boy really bad, and she wanted a girl. She already had 2 boys the youngest being 9, and so they AGREED TO HAVE ONE CHILD…. it could be a boy for him or a gurl for her. WE would talk about this all the time like giggly gurls. I couldn’t wait to meet him…. this guy my Best Friend LOVED dearly and wanted to marry and share the rest of her life with. She would always PRAY and tell God exactly what she wanted in her marriage , how it would be done, where they would live, how they would live and IT HAPPENED JUST AS SHE HAD PRAYED AND ASKED GOD. WOW!!!!!!!!!!!

As time went on I introduced Lamar to my Best Friend Charlene, who lived directly around the corner from us. Lamar started going around to her house hanging out a lot. I wasn’t jealous or mad about their friendship at all, because I knew who was #1… ME!!! LOL My life style was different than Char’s. I loved to go out and be  the  life of the party in the spotlight, she never not once went out. She was a homebody family gurl , who loved to cook, entertain, and drink her beer. So, it was cool that Lamar and Char met, for some reason I thought it was a good idea that way….. I could be around my friends who loved to do the things I did.

One day me and Char was talking about how her Mom and my Dad were so much alike, and how our lives were growing up. She shared this with Lamar another time, and then he bought it up to me when we were alone. I was shocked that he knew so much, but then again, they had gotten close so it made sense. Well, HE WENT back and told her about the conversation me and HIM had, and added that I was talking negative about her mother. I WAS SO MAD AND SO ANGRY THAT HE LIED ON ME, that me and her got into a heated argument and decided NOT to be friends anymore. Oh, I HATED him for lying on me. I HATED HIM IN MY SOUL DEEP DOWN….. I HATED HIM WITH MY MIND. I HATED HIM DEARLY because…. HE LIED ON ME….and I felt she believed him.

I remember being so ANGRY and UPSET about how he lied on me, just so that he can make sure that I was out of the picture and he stayed… that God began to talk to me, because he knew I was so upset. He said to me and I will NEVER EVER, NEVER EVER forget. He said La’Crease Let it go. He said when you and Charlene come back together, you and her are going to be SO CLOSE, that no one will EVER break you and her apart again. He said TRUST ME. I have to fan myself thinking back on the day he told me this. Every time I wanted to talk to my friend Char and couldn’t get up the nerve to call her, I thought about what God told me….. and it made me feel better. I believed him, and his words comforted me……all 6 years we didn’t speak.

When I found out that he was home, working, and were already planning to buy their first home together. I was VERY UPSET in my mind because I wanted to meet this guy who my BFF raved about. I wanted to build my own friendship with him because I had known so much about him through her. I wanted to share in her joy. I wanted to be there for her Mentality and Spiritually. But since Lamar LIED on me, that wasn’t going to happen. I was stubborn and she was too.

She flew her wedding party to VEGAS and got MARRIED. OH MY GAWD…. I thought I was going to DIE when I heard that news. I was so ANGRY. HOW could all this happen without ME? This is something we talked about for years and years. Way before Lamar was in the picture, and way before he came home. Then…….. my BFF got pregnant and GOD BLESSED THEM WITH A SET OF TWINS…. A BOY FOR HIM AND A GURL FOR HER!!!!! It happened just as she asked God. Their son is named after her HUSBAND… and Tyra Charlene, after Tyra Banks. Not once did her and I talk on the phone during these times. I was suppose to be her Maid of Honor at her Wedding, and also her KIDS GOD MOTHER. OMG thinking about it, JUST DOES SOMETHING TO ME. I’m still ANGRY about it. I thought once I DISSED LAMAR FOR GOOD for what he did… that I would be okay with how I felt about him.

I moved out of the apartment building after 4 years…. and never looked back. I had lost my BFF and with God there is no telling when me and her were going to speak again. I had to TRUST and BELIEVE his word to me about our FRIENDSHIP being CLOSER THAN EVER, and just waiting on that time to come was the hardest part.

At this time in my life, I had started going to Church every Sunday for a whole year I didn’t miss NOT ONE SUNDAY. I was so close to God, seems like we were joined at the hip. I stop partying, and drinking and going out unless it was a special occasion. I had went through some SERIOUS things in my relationship with a boyfriend that turned me completely to God. I missed my BFF and I was at a place of PEACE in my life, so I picked up the phone and called her. She was so happy to hear from me. We had so many things to talk about and catch up on. I was happy. And even though we were talking again….. things were different. 😦

I had to get to know her all over again. She was married….. a DIFFERENT PERSON NOW….. had 2 children that I had never met. I was suppose to be their God Mother. How could 2 people be so close at one time, and not know one thing about them years later? That alone DEVASTATED ME. So, I kinda drifted apart, getting my own house in order. I was about to get engaged at one point, things didn’t work out, she knew none of that. We talked a few times a week, nothing too serious.. Lamar was still her friend, but they weren’t as close as they were before she got married.

After moving into my first house ( no apartment).. things were going good for me. I cleaned HOUSE SHO NUFF on my friendships, I wasn’t turning back. I desired to keep in touch with Charlene again on the regular. So what….. I had to get to know her all over again, I knew what God told me and wanted my friend back. We started talking everyday. I went to meet her husband and twins for the first time. I was happy. He was happy to meet me because he had heard so much about me, and he’s a Virgo just like me. LOL Char calls him La’Crease Walker, and calls me by his name….because she says we are so much alike we make her sick!! LOL * in a good way*. She says if she hadn’t known me.. she would never had ever gotten along with him because she just couldn’t understand the way we think. LOL

TODAY we are SO CLOSE…. SO CLOSE. SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO CLOSE THAT GOD DIDNT TELL ME ALL OF THIS. He didn’t tell me it was going to be THIS WAY. I LOVE MY BEST FRIEND!!! LOL We are so Spiritually Connected its crazy. God can give me a word about moving to Atlanta…. she will text me and say this…. my husband wants me to move South… but I don’t want to leave my mother. THAT WAS MY ISSUE. And I would CALL HER and we would crack up how God has us on the same page ALL THE TIME. Every morning she text me a Scripture or something God gave her, and it will line up with something HE ALREADY TOLD ME the day before. We are so CLOSE and I Thank God for her, she is SO WISE AND SO SMART, AND SO FULL OF COMPASSION….YOU CAN TELL GOD LOVES HER DEARLY.

One morning, I had this dream about Lamar. I was NOT his friend at all, but it made me call Char and tell her about it. It was weird. She told me that she was done with him and that the dream was whatever. So, soon after that I had another dream about him…. and I called her and told her about it again. She told me that the last time she spoke with him was last year when he wanted to take her to see Janet Jackson, but she was so over him and his drama, she told him No…. Thanks, and to Be Blessed. She got a new number and never spoke to him again. Those were her last words to him. About 3 weeks ago, God woke her up and lead her to this web site where you can find someone. He had been on her mind a lot lately, since they lost comtact. She had never been to this site before or even knew it existed. She typed in Lamar’s name and found out that he had been dead since LAST JULY. She called ME DEVASTATED.

I knew it was a reason why I kept dreaming about him. I didn’t like to talk about him… at all PERIOD..but I did TELL HER… plus I wondered what happened to him. He has no family members here in Detroit, but Char found his mother’s phone number and called her. It was really sad how he died. My friend was really sad about it… and if it was my friendship with him.. I would be sad too. I feel bad tho about how numb I feel about him. I was so angry with him back then , that I have no reaction. Of course its terrible, and I feel bad about him dying, but through the years I learned to NUMB myself about anything concerning him. So when she calls me and want to talk about him, my insides flips. I love my BFF and he was both our friend at one time, but this is one of those things where I have to deal with my OWN ISSUES CONCERNING HIM. We had a lot of fun together, and even though he LIED on me, and I was able to move on by burying the thought of him in my mind. I’m faced to deal with the FORGIVENESS of someone who isn’t even here anymore. Hadn’t I saw Oprah’s Life Class, I would have never REALIZED that I was carrying this years too long.

I missed MY BEST FRIENDS WEDDING * they celebrated 15 years last month*, I missed the BIRTH OF MY GOD CHILDREN TYRA AND TONY * they are 13 now*….. I missed her BABY SHOWER…. HER PREGNANCY, the move in of their new HOME….all while HE *Lamar* WAS THERE …… I MISSED A LOT and I don’t know how to *grieve* with her. I don’t know how to pretend this is a topic I want to hear. I don’t know how to respond because I don’t want to hear about. BUT… God is so good, and he is always with me….. I have learned to LISTEN…..and the more I LISTEN to her talk about her friend…. I find things that I did loved about Lamar. And since I’m not a FAKE PERSON….. I can be real and LISTEN to her at the same time.

Watching Oprah’s Life Class last week, made God nudge me and let me know that I hadn’t FORGIVEN someone….. and that person is LAMAR. Even still to this day….. I chose to ignore everything about him. I should feel sad….but I feel numb. All of my FRIENDS know Lamar….. but I haven’t told  ONE PERSON … about his death. Because I chose to ignore everything about him. I know I am wrong. But I just don’t want to talk about him.

I’m happy that me and my BFF are BETTER BEST FRIENDS THAN GOD COULD HAVE EVER TOLD ME….. but still in my heart….. I miss Lamar too. Maybe its time I take a moment each day and think about the good times I had with him * WE had a LOT*…. instead of choosing to ignore he ever existed.

Where works of the flesh exists, there is NO joy

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Think Like A Man…

Think Like a Man was really good.

In my late 20’s and early 30’s…… I use to play serious mind games. It had gotten so bad with me, that I RETIRED!!! I just can’t….. It takes so much energy to keep up with all that mess…. BUT at the same time it was fun.

I come to realize that the MEN of 2012…. are different. They deal with so many different women, that when a person who wants to be “just friends” come along, they don’t recognize it. Now, I know I’m the last one to talk because looking back at the MIND GAMES I played…. I have no room to even be typing this up. LOLOL But now that I’m “RETIRED”…..it may be time I DUST OFF MY SKILLS.

Of course it can be done in good taste. But I have become so “nice and so sweet”, that maybe I’m getting back all the things I’ve done. Let me be clear, I always know when to fall back, and I never get to personal. I’m finding that some MEN, like to chase….. in my mind I’m like what’s the point of that? Well, I guess you only chase what you like. Speaking of which. …….

Today at work I was working the Credit Card table, when this guy came in the store with his mom…. she was an older lady. When WE first laid eyes on each other… OMG what a stare off!!! His eyes hypnotized me. He could NOT turn his head or blink his eyes…..and neither could THATGURLTHEYCALLCREE… LOLOL. It was so intense. So, finally I turned my head,*saying to myself DANG LOL LOL* ….he’s good looking. He smiled at me, but he didn’t say a word. He just kept STARING at me. So, at this point, I’m like dang……is he a little slow, or deaf? His mother was talking to me, but he was staring like he wanted something….not sure what tho. SO, they finally walked away….. I was checking him out until they were out of sight.

Came time for me to leave for the day, as I was turning in my paper work, they were in line. When he saw me…. we just locked eyes AGAIN. This time I was standing up and he was staring at me so LONG AND HARD…AND SO INTENSE that all I could do was follow suit. This time…… I stared him down, we did this for at least 2 minutes. Customers and MY COWORKERS were looking like CREE… LOL LOL LOL LOL, and no matter how I tried to turn my head, he would not break away. Then his mother said….. My Son is looking for a wife!!! I was like O O O OOOO OKAY. LOL LOL LOL Finally after that we broke our stares. HE smiled that GERALD LEVERT SMILE and BABBBBY…. I almost crumbled to pieces. I said… see why you making me smile like this? Not to mention I wasn’t even CUTE today. I need my brows done, hair freshly perm, and my LASHES… I asked him what was his sign…… He smiled and said LIBRA……* looks away* I hope to see him again….I’m sure I will.

Even tho I have *RETIRED* from MIND GAMES….. I think I”ll just have a little fun * WINK*

Where works of the flesh exists, there is NO joy

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I know to PRAY and KEEP IT MOVING.

If I don’t know anything else to do in this life….. I know to PRAY and KEEP IT MOVING.

I’m always sadden by people who look for others ALL THE TIME…. when there is a GOD to help us in our time of need. Even if he doesn’t give you what you want, he will give you what you need. I DONT UNDERSTAND the mentality of people who is always PRAYING, and as soon as its time for God to do his part…. they fall apart. Do all you can, let God see that you are trying, then after you have done all you can…. STAND! For real, for real….and let him do the rest. Get on the phone, call people, make some changes even if they are painful….. DO IT…… QUIT WHINING! Then people get mad at me, cause I KNOW HOW TO KEEP IT MOVING!!! I be DANG if La’Crease Walker lay down and DIE….without a fight. Don’t ask me how I did it, just know IT GOT DONE. BOSS UP!! Quit looking to see what I’m doing…… IM SWIMMING…..GOD IS MY LIFE JACKET. I stand on that when things are good, and when things are not so good. I’m always looking to the HILLS…… and I keep, keep, keep, keep, keep, keep, keep, JOY IN MY HEART…..Look, Yes I may be strong ( Thank you Jesus) but that does NOT mean LEAN ON ME…… MY strength comes from God. ITS FREE. YOU CAN HAVE SOME TOO….. you cannot ride with ME..Sit in the passenger side of YOUR OWN car, and LET GOD DRIVE YOU. This time……I’m not sending a boat to get you…. I’ll ask Jesus to help you…. you have to decide if you’re going to TRUST HIM.

IM DONE

CREE

Where works of the flesh exists, there is NO joy

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Pearls of Wisdom *1*

Everyday I wake up with Joy in my heart. I just feel good. When I get up, I’ll go in the bathroom and just Thank God for waking me up. Sometimes many thoughts will rush to greet me……and I say “Oh No…. not before I say Good Morning to God”. Waking up another day, tells me that my time here is NOT up. It tells me that there is more work to do, more encouraging to do, more LOVE to give, more time to share the good news. And that makes me excited.

Last week a coworker who works the evening shift lost her mom.

Even though I’ve been working at Walmart for 9 years, still there are many new faces, and I can’t say that I know who she is for sure. So, another co-worker decided to send a card around to ask for donations to help out in any way. Everyday…. * and I mean everyday* my coworker would come to work on her OFF DAY, and just before her shift started…  sit in the break room and ask people to sign the card and to donate money if they could. Now, I watched her everyday. I knew something was on her mind about doing this, and each time I saw her, I made it my BUSINESS to tell her that she’s doing a GREAT JOB, GOD LOVES A CHEERFUL GIVER, and no matter what…..to keep doing WHAT SHE BELIEVED GOD LEAD HER TO DO.

One day last week, I sitting alone on my break in Subway. She was coming in to work and came to sit with me. She said La’ Crease can I talk to you for a minute? I said sure boo, sit down…. what’s going on? God had already told me days ago, what she was going to say, so I was READY. She said… I’m tired of people coming to me saying… “you’re crazy for coming up here on your off day, and before you start work, just to pass around a card for someone who people barely know”. I said to her….. I know you are bothered by this, I can see it in your face. I said look….. you are doing this from your heart, you know that everyone WILL have a time of need, and this is hers and you are her friend. I said DON’T YOU DARE LET WHAT “OTHA” PEOPLE SAY…. STOP YOU FROM THE LOVE AND SUPPORT YOU ARE DOING FOR YOUR FRIEND. She said I know, but it bothers me. She said I bought some candy just to get people to help out when they donate, and she said all they want is to eat the candy without donating. I told her your friend needs you, and if you listened to what others say, you will do a disservice to her.

I shared with her the time when I wanted to start the Feeding the Homeless Project, and how scared I was to do it. And God told me to go to work the next day and pitch it to 2 RANDOM people. I was SCARED. Even though these are people I worked with for years, I was afraid of how their response would shoot down my project. I found 2 people and told them about it and they were like “YES CREE do it, we’ll help you”!!!!! Yes!! Those were my God appointed people, they had no idea that God had chose them. So, that first year we fed 12 people, the following year we fed 50, then 89, and in 2011 we fed 100 people!!! I told her…. I have email from people who were MADD at me because I “forgot” to ask them. I said you SEE THE BLESSING IN THAT… I was so afraid to ask for help…… NOW THE HELP IS MAD AT ME FOR NOT ASKING THEM TO HELP. LOL So, I told her….. if you want to stay here over night and take donations FOR YOUR FRIEND….. DO IT, DONT FOCUS ON THE PEOPLE WHO ARE opposite of you……. FOCUS on the people LIKE ME WHO ARE FOR YOU…. AND JUST DO IT!!!! DO IT. SHE GOT IT!!!! SHE ACTUALLY GOT IT, AND I CAN SEE IT IN HER FACE….. she hugged me and hugged me saying…. I’m so glad I can always talk to you, she Thanked me for my donation, and she walked away happy. PRAISE GOD!

Ask yourself…what did you learn from a experience similar to this?

Where works of the flesh exists, there is NO joy

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Somebody Prayed for Me….. Cree’s Blog Entry *continued*

As I laid on the couch last week talking to God. I asked him…… PLEASE TELL ME…. LORD, WHY AM I SO NICE? WHY CANT I JUST GO OFF AND LET THAT BE THE END OF IT? WHY DO I FORGIVE PEOPLE SO EASILY WHEN OTHERS WOULD NEVER SPEAK A WORD TO THE PEOPLE WHO HURT THEM? WHY IS IT SO EASY FOR ME TO KEEP IT MOVING AND STILL KEEP PEACE? WHY AM I SO NICE… I MAKE MYSELF SICK LORD!!!! WHY?

Again, growing up all I knew was how to LOVE. I was told by my parents I love you so much and not only that, but they showed us. My siblings and I wasn’t allowed to fight so in order to keep it moving, we had to kiss, and say to each other “I Love you”. So, now that we have all this LOVE inside us, we started experiencing people trying to make us feel bad about saying the words “I love you” in public. We thought that everybody told their family this. My sister and I are light skinned, and my brother and other sister are brown skinned. People played the color game on us, we wasn’t taught about different shades of skin so when people said it….. we were like…. we have the same parents all 4 of us…..what’s the big deal? After a while in life, I started to think we were the ones who grew up dysfunctional.

Looking back on our lives, we were very popular. Everybody in the neighborhood knew us. We were good people, with good friends, whose parents wouldn’t let us do any and everything. We had rules, and our parents didn’t play.

Going back to my last post. When my friend who slept with my daughters father when I was in my early 20’s did that to me. I was devastated, because I never knew people betrayed others like that. My aunts didn’t do it to their sisters, my dad is/was CLOSE TO BOTH OF HIS BROTHERS… my parents didn’t do that to each other, so here I am learning something I never saw first hand or experienced, and I had to learn forgiveness through this selfish act. *Wooosa Cree* After it was all said and done, even though I was an angry person before this happened, it humbled me, and I learned FORGIVENESS. PRAISE GOD 🙂

One day I was with my best friend Charlene, and I had seen my Mother. I gave her a hug and a kiss on her lip, and my friend was like WOW, you kiss your momma on the lips? And I’m like yeah…. don’t you? She was like No…. we just say Hi. My mother kept telling me she LOVED me, and I said it to her as well. My friend had never seen or experienced this. That’s how my family is…. this is all WE KNOW. This is how we grew up. When we go to each other’s house, only thing ANYBODY will be saying as they are reaching to HUG AND give a KISS is……. I LOVE YOU!!! We don’t just walk into each others house without hugs and kisses AND START A CONVERSATION. THAT’S DISREPECTFUL LOL LOL My daughter is 25 and my nieces are 21 and 17, my nephews are 18 and 21. WE all KISS ON THE LIPS. That’s how we are. And I came to the conclusion that THIS IS HOW WE LOVE EACH OTHER!!!! MY FAMILY. We don’t steal from each other, we don’t misuse each other, we don’t take advantage of each other..we never slept with each other men….. BUT WE LOVE TO ARGUE AND DEBATE!!! LOL LOL One day I’m going to VIDEO RECORD one of our debates when my sisters and brother get together at my house or theirs. Babbbbbby YOU WILL BE SCARED A FIGHT IS GOING TO BREAK OUT. LOL But what we learned is that…. growing up we couldn’t FIGHT PHYSICALLY, so we had to learn to ARGUE… we had to use words. We NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER GET PERSONAL. We stay on the subject and go at it for hours. IM THE OLDEST so I always WIN….* SIKE* You do not want to challenge me in a debate and I know I’m right. LOL LOL I did record one of our debates… maybe I’ll find it.

Going back to my previous blog entry….After I learned FORGIVENESS I started looking and loving people through the eyes of God. When people would say something or do something to me, I didn’t take it to heart… LIKE THE NEXT PERSON would. Because I know that hurt people, hurt people. And I had so much LOVE for others, that it was starting to seep through my pores. People saw it. It was like having on white pants, and people issues ,and their issues with me was seen on my pants. I attracted people who wanted to use me, or talked to me sideways. Not only did I tell people that I LOVED THEM…. but I showed it. And that’s when I learned that most people didn’t grow up with those words TAUGHT and SHOWN to them…. like I was. To tell someone you LOVE them in 2012 is like saying….. when I get my check I’m going to give you all of it. They don’t believe that. I didn’t grow up like that… and at one of our sit down gatherings, My Siblings and I learned that in our own personal lives, we all have struggles with the same issues. WOW .

I always said that its 2 ways to LOVE someone. Through the eyes of God, and an Earthly way to LOVE. To Love people in an earthly way is to…. be nice, but when they get out of order, you go back to your “childish ways” and handle it. Through the eyes of God is to be humble and communicative when two don’t see eye to eye. BE patient and let the other speak. Listen, and ask God to help you understand the issue at hand. That’s who I try to be, and so far is has worked for me.

So, I asked God why am I so friendly? Why when people do me wrong, I’ll still speak to them and be polite? When in my mind I want to ignore them and pretend their not even born? He said to me as I laid on my couch last week….. your mother PRAY AND PRAY AND PRAYED for the day that she would see you kind. She prayed that your anger would turn to LOVE as she taught you. He said it brings joy to her heart to see you happy and smiling without being mean and angry all the time. He said somebody PRAYED for you.

Siblings: My 2nd oldest Sister Na,  Baby Sister Peedie,  3rd child only Brother Bobby, and ME~Cree

 

 

 

 

Where works of the flesh exists, there is NO joy


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if you have forgiven her…..lets see. PART 2 Cree’s Blog Entry

She moved in…without her husband. They were in the process of a divorced. I hated her being back, living under me, seeing my every move. And me wondering if she was a even worst person than before. By this time, I had built a wall around myself where I was very private. If you wanted to ask me a question about me…… you wouldn’t because you’d be scared of me going off. My business was my business and no one was ever going to hurt me in that way again.

 

As time went on, I wanted to know how things happened with her and my daughters dad. She told me everything. By this time, I had cut him off completely as far as sexual. He came to see his daughter, but I wouldn’t let him buy me a sandwich if I was Hungary AND HAVEN’T EATEN IN 50 WEEKS… HE WAS CUT OFF. When I’m done….. I’m done.

 

Me and her started going to Church, we would talk and really enjoy each others friendship again. I NEVER TRUSTED her in that kinda way as far as my male friends. NEVA …. but it was something about her that was different this time. She told me how her husband use to beat her, and how he got on drugs, and how he made her life a living hell. Apart of me wanted to say…. That’s what you get…. but there was something in me that wouldn’t allow me to be ignorant. Believe it or not, we were the BEST OF FRIENDS. She was better a friend to me then, than she ever was before. And what’s funny……. is that all my friends that I use to call over to help me terrorize her, had a hard time  letting the offense that she did to me go. I couldn’t even explain how things had changed, and how God moved her out of the house, and then back into it years later, JUST SO THAT I COULD LEARN THE POWER OF FORGIVENESS. When she moved out, I moved out as well. We kept in touch as we do today. I can’t explain our friendship and how God did things, but it was for our good. And even though we live in different cities, we chat on FB all the time, and she’s MY BIGGEST FINANCIAL SUPPORTER OF ALL MY HOMELESS PROJECTS. She is truly a Woman of God and I love her dearly. And I Thank God for showing me who I was, and how to FORGIVE. Even if it took for him to move her out of town, and back into the same house years later to teach us both a lesson. God knew that it would come together.

 

As I laid on the couch last week talking to God. I asked him…… PLEASE TELL ME…. LORD, WHY AM I SO NICE? WHY CANT I JUST GO OFF AND LET THAT BE THE END OF IT? WHY DO I FORGIVE PEOPLE SO EASILY WHEN OTHERS WOULD NEVER SPEAK A WORD TO THE PEOPLE WHO HURT THEM? WHY IS IT SO EASY FOR ME TO KEEP IT MOVING AND STILL KEEP PEACE? WHY AM I SO NICE… I MAKE MYSELF SICK LORD!!!! WHY?

 

Part 3 coming tomorrow. Its deep.

 

Where works of the flesh exists, there is NO joy

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if you have forgiven her…..lets see. Cree’s Blog Entry

My best times to talk to God is when I lay on my couch with the TV off and the light is dimmed. I look up to my ceiling and talk his ears off. LOL

 

One day last week, I was having one of those talks and I started looking back on my life and seeing how it relates to me today. And what God showed me…..tells a lot about who I am today. I didn’t understand how no matter what people do to me, I still LOVED them. I’ll explain more later.

 

I grew up in the home with both my parents, even though me and my dad didn’t get alone well as I got in my teens, he is a man who LOVES his family. We were told I LOVE YOU all day everyday. We got hugs…just because. We use to go out to dinner every Friday when my dad got paid. We got allowances, we would go for rides every weekend. When me and my siblings (4 of us) got into arguments we had to make up on the spot….which was kiss and hug. We were NEVER allowed to fight….if we got caught it was TROUBLE!!! As we got into our teens, we were very popular in the neighborhood. Everybody use to come and sit on our porch all day and all night. We still have those SAME FRIENDS to this day.

 

As I started dating, the guys I ATTRACTED use to make me mad and jealous. I was very jealous growing up and when they made me mad, I would say things like ” I hate you, I hope you die”. I was a very angry teen, which later turned into my early 20’s. I was so mean that my MOM use to PRAY for me day in and day out. I was so mean to my boyfriends, that my parents didn’t know what to do for me. Once I moved out at 22, my mom PRAYED harder that God would change my attitude. She said that she didn’t want anyone to “Kill” me with the anger I was carrying. Little did she know…that GOD was about to deal with me ONE ON ONE.

 

I went through a lot with people being jealous of me, of my relationship with my siblings, and for having both families in the home, where I had complete total access to both of my parents. The way I lived, and how friendly I was, without it ever being a story of me hurting anyone. I was and still is a good friend. When I found out that my daughter’s dad was sleeping with my friend who lived in a downstairs flat ….. IT ROCKED MY WHOLE WORLD. I never in my life felt a betrayal and devastation like that in my life. OH God…. that pain is deep in my heart….. I couldn’t even cry. I terrorized her every chance I got, and I cut him off from the HEAD!!! After so many months of preying on them, they finally stopped seeing each other. I hated him and hated her.

 

One day, I said Lord, I cant hold this in my heart any longer….its taking over my thoughts and my life. Then…..she knocked on my door and told me that she was moving out of town. I SAID YESSSS!!! I was so happy, she wanted to make amends and leave with peace. Our friendship was over as far as I was concerned, but I was too happy she was leaving town to marry her kids dad. Good BYE!!! After a year or more of her being gone. I remember clear as day, God asked me while I was washing dishes……have you forgiven her? I said Yes!!! She moved years ago, I don’t have to see her anymore….. I said Yes, God I have. He said alright….we’ll see. Never knew what it meant by that.

 

Soon after that day God asked me that question…… She got my number from her mom and she called me saying this…… I have spoken to our Landlord, and I’m moving back downstairs. I was devastated again. I said God how could you let her move back into this same house? How could you let her come back to Detroit? I told him that I didn’t ever want to see her again, and that I had forgiven her. I was done with her in my mind, I had never planned to see her again… she did me wrong.

 

He said if you have forgiven her…..lets see.

 

Part 2 tomorrow.

 

Where works of the flesh exists, there is NO joy

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