Growing up…. MY parents were married and had 4 children. I am the oldest of the 4. My parents told us they LOVED us everyday. We got hugs everyday. We got kisses everyday. WE got whopping’s when we needed them. LOL We were showered with LOVE. We were taught not to FIST fight each other, we could only express ourselves through discussion. We couldn’t get personal, we had to STAY on the SUBJECT. No going below the belt. We went to Church and we learned about Jesus. I was on the punishment all the time for sneaking in the peanut butter, and that’s when I started reading my bible every day. It was amazing that I somehow understood the King James Version.
Last week, my mom walked up to me….. she held me by my face slowly, and she kissed me on the forehead, she kissed me on both my cheeks, on my nose, on my chin, then she kissed me on my lips. I was in HEAVEN even at the age of 44. THANK YOU JESUS. My MOMMA KNOWSSSSSSSS that when I was a little gurl, I LOVED when she kissed me like that. I JUST MELTED. She knows that this calms any storm that I’m going through. She knows this. I love how personal she make her LOVE for me. She also had her special way of showing LOVE to my sisters and brother in the way THAT THEY UNDERSTAND.
When I left home to start life on my own at 22…. I found out quickly that NOT everyone knew LOVE as I had experienced it. I found out that all parents didn’t take their kids out to dinner, or for rides, or tucked them in and told them bedtime stories. I thought that all parents told their kids everyday that they LOVED them. I thought that everybody hugged and kissed when they saw each other, and walked into peoples home. I thought that everybody said ” I love you” as they left to go their own way. I thought that if you’re at home, and company over you don’t have to put your money or belongings up because you’re at home. I thought that when you get into a jam that you can call your family….. and get help.
My personality draws a lot of people to me. I didn’t know then….what I know now, but they were drawn to the LOVE that I displayed to them. God had wonderful people in my life who are still here today. So, here I was this “magnet” OF “POSITIVE ENERGY” attracting all of these people to me. ALL the LOVE that was inside of ME ….. I was doing my best, but what I found myself doing was …….stressing myself out trying to GIVE PEOPLE some of what I was feeling. Love was seeping out of my pours….. that my family/parents put there. It was all I knew. In my 20’s some took it and ran me over . Still for the life of me I wondered, was I the only one going through this?
One day me and my Siblings were having our talks at dinner in my home. And we started talking about how they experienced the SAME THING. Our personal friends say that we’re SOOOOOOOO nice. We laugh and say……. they don’t get to see that other side. LOL And I say that to say…. we are NICE…but we do bark… we just bark in LOVE. All of us are cut throat HONEST… we will tell you the truth and not hold back ANYTHING….but its all in LOVE.
Here I am 44 years old, trying to understand and ADJUST to the issues that goes on in the world that I NEVER knew exist inside of what I was taught by my parents. All I know is LOVE… to walk into a room and smile, give out hugs, give out blessings, and compliments. God is teaching me that no matter what I see outside of what I learned at HOME…… be true to MYSELF. I’m Blessed. I know what some people in the world was never taught… I know how to LOVE.
When we were in our teens, we didn’t have to hide our money when company came over, we had “like minded” friends. But when I got on my own in my 20’s and started working, and meeting new people. I would keep my belongings around, but I found out real quick that people will come into your home and steal your things.That was foreign to me. My Sisters and I had boyfriends growing up, but we never looked or took each other boyfriends. So, when I moved out, I was carefree and kept my boyfriends around my friends, next thing I knew….they hooked up. I was devastated. I didn’t learn how to deal with these types of issues because My Sisters and I, never crossed that line. We never had to deal with those types of issues. I would go to my friends house, walk in and hug their mom, and hug the rest of the family, and they would look at me like……..”where they do that at”…..all you do is say hi to the person you come to see….. and that’s it. And there were times when I went to my parents like……. why other people don’t hug and kiss like we do?
In my life time… my “magnet” of LOVE that was taught by both my parents…… has pulled in Rapist, Molesters, Killers, … and the list goes on. BUT GOD HAS BEEN THERE FOR ME. LET ME TELL YOU. He knows my heart better than myself, and he has really umbrella me from a lot of mess. He knows of the LOVE that pours out of me, and he knows people see it. And so he has always protected me from many issues. I can’t help that I’m this way… this is all I know. I REFUSE to step outside of who I am… to FIT in with how “the world” works. I’ll DIE FIRST. I am NOOOOO WAY… NO KINDA WAY PERFECT…. just because I know how to LOVE and show LOVE…. but I am special….. and it takes SPECIAL FRIENDS, SPECIAL PEOPLE, AND A FUTURE SPECIAL HUSBAND * if the Lord say the same* to be in my CIRCLE. And finally after understanding that I am different…… I LOVE CREE.
But before I close…… I must say this.With all that I have learned…… I am a VERY POWERFUL WOMAN….. MORE IN THE NEXT BLOG ENTRY.