Feeling some kinda way….about him.. Cree’s Blog Entry!

2013-07-1220.05.30I have a lot that I could speak on when it comes to the Zimmerman case, but I’m very vocal on Twitter so I’ll just leave it at that.

 

I knew once I was on my own I would make myself more available to dating and getting to know someone nice. I can’t even count the men that I have met in the last 6 months. None of them made it inside my apartment, and it never went as far as a kiss.

 

 

But this one guy… um um um….. I liked him… I mean I really liked him. I really thought my “like” button was broke, because I always knew what kind of man I wanted, and I just wasn’t coming across him. We saw each other 5 times a week, and talked on the phone between both his jobs. I would sit at his job in my building * he was the boss* for hours, he never wanted me to leave. We got attached to each other real quick. But one day…. when I walked up to him for the first time that day… he stared me in the eyes and said… I talked to God about you last night….* and then he told me what God told him*… he said to me, when this happen don’t forget about me. I was so shocked at what he said.. I just stood there in a frozen blizzard and stared at him. He was like… are you alright… what? I couldn’t even talk… I changed the subject and when I got to my apartment I got in the bathtub and started thinking about it. Just then he called and said Cree are you okay? What did I say so shocking? I played it off again, and we hung up.

 

Right then and there I knew he wasn’t the one for me, I knew that he was ONLY in my life to give me that message. I KNEW that my days of being with and around him were numbered. GOD KNEW that in order for me to even BELIEVE the message , was that  I HAD TO HAVE SOME KIND OF FEELINGS/CONNECTION  to HIM to even give him the time of day. I do NOT put any energy into a man who I have ABSOLUTELY no feelings for…. its time consuming and relationship/friendship suicide.

 

The reason why I would never get serious with him, was because he was in the “process” of getting himself together, and had several “when he had time” relationships. I was not looking for that at all. I also noticed that when we would talk, several other women came around, and as a woman I knew that he was attracted to them as well as to me. One person in particular… I knew he had eyes for. She couldn’t wait until I left so that she could get her few hours in… LOL it was all good, because I knew he wasn’t the one for me, but his presence, personality, conversations, beautiful teeth and smile… ALWAYS made me happy.

 

He’d applied for another job, and had gotten it. I knew my days of not seeing him were numbered when he shared that info with me. He worked 2 full time jobs and lived too far for us to see each other even once a week. I was sad and stopped calling him. He would call me all the time and ask why you never call me anymore. I couldn’t take not seeing him like I was use too. I was wrong, but I had to disconnect from him. I just stopped answering  his calls, and stop calling him. This was in April or May.

 

Yesterday……… as I stepped out of my van and was walking through my gated parking lot. I felt “something”.. I cant even explain what it was, but it was a weird feeling. It was so weird that I decided to scan the parking lot to see was someone following me… it wasn’t even 6pm yet, and it  doesn’t get dark until after 9. As I’m walking towards my building…. I spot HIM AND her…..looking at me as they walk to the car. Yea… the gurl, the “one in particular”. She lives here in my building. My heart was racing when I saw him because it caught me  totally off guard. I wasn’t mad or anything…. I JUST KNEW WHAT I KNEW. I knew they liked it each other, and I know they’re together.

 

I guess the point I’m making is…. I’m still feeling some kinda way about seeing him… and THEM TOGETHER.I really really liked him. I haven’t liked a guy like that in over 10 years. I’m very funny about giving my heart, time and Love to anyone. I have to really know you, and be with you, to know how I feel. And God knew this. But he had to get that message to me… and I got it. But back in the day, baaaaaaby…..as soon as I put that key into the door, I would have been calling him *not caring one thing about what they are to each other* saying……. COME TO MY APARTMENT TONIGHT AT 8. BE HERE!!!! LOL But I’m 45 and I KEEPS IT MOVING…..The one for me is still out there!!! 🙂

Where works of the flesh exists, there is NO joy
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