Today was a great day!!! I can say that after a few days of feeling down in my Spirit. Sometimes you start thinking about things you have no control over and feel some kinda way. But after sitting still and asking myself do you trust God, and can you see a light at the end of the tunnel? My answer was yes, not only that, but I have God’s track record to look back on and KNOW he is totally in control. After I cry and whine a little… I bounce back.
Tonight I was watching Hoarders, I usually don’t like to watch this show because its so sad to see those people living in those conditions. All of that dysfunction comes from childhood issues, or things that happened in their adult life and as a result they start to live in their heads. But, tonight I decided to watch and…..what I found out Surprised me.
I’m a food eater. I love food! I’m a thinker. I think and over analyze a lot. I realized through watching Hoarders tonight, even though I’m not a hoarder, I LOVE to think while I’m eating. I love ice cream, and chocolate chip cookies that bakes in the oven. When I’m overwhelmed with thoughts and ideas… I like to FEED MY THOUGHTS AS I EAT. As the thoughts come to my mind, I eat while thinking. Many times after doing this, it never feels as if I’ve eaten anything, because I didn’t eat because its dinner time, I ate because I fed my thoughts. I know this will make sense to someone.
For so many years I have done this. It has become a habit. This is why I know for a fact that those Hoarders are doing this to feed their thoughts about their past. Its a form of therapy for them. Just as eating food and thinking is one for me.
Many years, I kept telling myself that I want to lose weight and get back to the “sexy walk into anyplace, and have everybody looking, because of my personality, Spirit and curvy body self.” But with so many thoughts coming to my mind about my past, now, life lessons, family, friends.. anything that’s going on with me at that time, I wasn’t able to focus on myself. I knew that when I FINALLY asked God to help me that I would know FOR A FACT that I was READY and serious about it.
Since the 7th of May with the 21 Day Challenge… I have lost a total of 12 pounds as of today June 2. I look at food TOTALLY DIFFEENT. I also had to change the programs that I was watching. Ooo wee this is so deep. I realized that when I watch shows like I almost got away, I killed my BFF, Fatal Attraction, Deadly Women, Wives with knifes, Redrum, Scorned, Evil Twins, Snapped…. that my mind start to think of who could have done this? What is the motive? I get angry, mad, and almost ready to fight those killers. I go right into detective mode… and while doing so… I HAVE TO FEED MY THOUGHTS WITH FOOD. I have to have a fatty snack usually baked cookies, or something to eat while I figure this out. WOW… GOD SHOWED ME THAT. He showed me that I do this. I paid attention to it and couldn’t do anything but laugh. It was a breakthrough for me. He is so right. So now, this is what I do. I wont buy pop, juice, cookies, ice cream, or anything that I love to eat in that way. I buy grapes, strawberries, kiwi, apples, watermelon * eating that now lol*, peanuts, salad, tuna, broccoli as snacks. I had to stop watching my favorite shows because they trigger personal thoughts and causes me to eat when I’m not even hungry. So, when I know for a true fact that I am doing very well with being consistent with losing weight, I’ll watch those shows again, but for now I watch cooking shows. I don’t like cheese at all, and by mostly everything is cooked with it, I watch the shows to NOT WANT TO SNACK AT ALL. I LOVE IT. This works for me.
I truly had to change the way I think and eat. Its amazing what you can learn about yourself…… when you ask God to help you.
Listen to yourself and in that quietude you might hear the voice of God. – Dr. Maya Angelou