Author: lacrease

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At 39, its time to make changes

 
 
Just talking to myself……….
 
Today I had a good time over to my sisters house. My whole family was there. My nieces and nephews and all. Family is really the bomb. Growing up, my sisters and brother really \”sick my nerbes\” (as my nephew says), but my dad taught us the importance of loving your family. We didn\’t understand then, but now we soooo get it!
 
We were sitting on the couch talking, when I said that I wanted a husband. My brother looked at me and said \”you don\’t like men\”. I said I do, its just I just don\’t play! He said to me, you need to play just a little bit. I was like WOW! My flesh wanted to say \’Nicka you got your nerves wit yo mean a@@. But for some reason I knew he was right. My whole motto is…\”I don\’t play when it comes to men, I can do bad all by myself\”. And that could very well be the reason why…..I don\’t have nobody! Its my whole attitude about it. If he sees me as a person who \”dont\” like men, then thats probaly how others view me. He said that I need to lift up a little bit.I agree! I am hard on a guy. I give up on them at the first sign of anything that Im not \”feeling\”. And that is soooo not good. Its not so much that I\’ve had  bad relationships, but I think that I have seen and heard so much bull from  how men act and treat us, and just by talking to friends, that I BETCHU I WONT GET PLAYED attitude has got deep inside me and stayed. Here I am 39 years old, and haven\’t had any one that I can say \”I\’m\” feeling in a long time.
 
What\’s my problem? Is it that I have 2 cars sitting up in the driveway that has me this way. Is it my job ( not like it pays a lot) but I have had it for 3 years and its okay. Is it that I live in a nice neighborhood, with a 4 bedroom brick house? Is it that I have only one child who is 20 years old, Honor student with a 4.0 in college, working on her  Degree and will be going to Law School in a few years? Is it that I have a close family with my mom and dad still living and have been married for 39 years? Is it that I have the best friends God could EVERRRRR hand pick for me, who loves me dearly? Is it that I have the best loving sisters in the world that I thank God for everyday? I mean what is it that has me so independent that I am really lonely as hell?????
 
I feel sometimes that I can see everybody\’s going on\’s and never really looked or focus on \”mines\”. What\’s really going on with Lacrease?
 
I use to keep my nails done, and brows arched, went and got my hair done every week. Now its just routine for me. Get up, shower, put on my clothes , throw on some lip gloss, earrings, make up, throw some curls in my hair and I\’m out the door. What kind of woman is that? I have truly lost myself. For no reason. I am so upset with myself.
 
Today my daughter took some photos of me on her camera phone, when I went to look at them. I almost passed out. My face is so fat, my back look like I play for the Detroit Lions, my cheeks is so high they could touch the sky. That made me so mad in my mind. And here she is saying \”ma you look so pretty\”. Yeak ok!
 
While the guys sat on the porch and talked, we, my 2 sisters and mother jump in the truck and went to look at these 1-4  million dollar homes in the area. And as Im getting in the truck, I realize that I gotta throw one thigh up to get in, then after huffing and puffing,then I throw the other leg up in there, holding on to everything I could get my hands on to just to hop in the dogone truck. ( rolling my eyes and shaking my head at myself) Then getting out wasn\’t no better, when I opened the door it seemed like forever when my foot was gonna touch the ground. Danggggggg. Flat out I need to lose some weight. I may seem hard on myself, but I needed to experience those things today. I really did.
 
So guess what I just did some research and I\’m going down to Weight Watchers on Thursday ! Yep, its time I come out of my \”comfort zone\”. Things in my life is too happy and too good. I need a shake up. I need to come out of this mode. I need to go through something for a well deserving pay off. I need to get back to Lacrease. I want my life back physically. I\’m tired of feeling and looking like a weeble. I\’m sick of having just a pretty face. I need a whole adjustment. These hips and thighs and my \”heart shaped\” booty must go!
 
Don\’t look at this entry as being hard on my self………trust me I need it.
 
Talk to yall lata ( gotta go think)
Cre Cre
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Feeling Sexy this weekend! Grown Folk Music

Have anyone had one of those days where you just feel sexy? I have been feeling like this for 3 days now. And I dont know what it is, but I’m lovingl it.

Today at work I was walking into Subway for my 15 mintue break. ( it’s inside of Walmart….) When I notice this guy was sitting in there with his son eating. As I was walking towards him to sit in the chairs behind his booth, he gave me this stare as if I was his new bride on our wedding night.

 I was wearing a pair of capri’s nothing special. When he saw me he was mesmorized, he didnt blink, he just gave me this look as if I was the prettest woman he has ever seen. I sat behind him on purpose, because I wanted to see just how interested he was. He finished his food, and as he got up he turned around and handed me his phone number. I dont know when this man wrote down that number, but he didnt care if my gurl KiKi was sitting there or not. I took the number , smiled and put it in my smock. He left. He came back after 5 mintues and ask me for my name.

What I liked about him was, he was different. What part? I dunno, but I will be calling him sometimes this weekend .

In the meantime, Im feeling romatic, and sexy.

Here is a song to represent my mood.

 

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Katrina…..

When I look at these photos, all I can do is cry. Still after being obsessed with Hurrican Katrina, I cant help but wonder how would I feel if I was one of those people in New Orleans.

I try to take myself to the photos to the scene of everthing, and try to give thought as if I was there,  and it breaks me. Even though I am not there to actually experience what those folks been through, the pain feels so real.

I can imagine my family trapped in side their homes, not   having a form of communication. Not knowing if my dad and brother is safe. Nor knowing how my mother is doing, my sisters and my nieces and nephews. When I take myself mentally, I will always come up short as to what these people went through. And still I cry. It hurts.

 

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These kids will have you laughing!

 

cocoa puffs cereal

When my niece and nephews were little. My sister would go to the store and buy cereal for them. But when she got to the aisle to  pick out the cereal, they wouldnt want Cocoa Puffs for nothing in the world because they felt that since Count Dracula was on the cover of the box, that the cereal was food for HIM. lollllllll When she told me that I cracked up! She would have to buy cereal with kids on the box, not animals. lolllll Silly kids!

 

Raid® Ant Baits III

My coworker KiKi bought some ant baits the other day, because her kids would run around the house hollering and screaming when they would see them. She told her kids what they were for, then she set them out. One day her kids were on the floor playing, when her daughter saw some ants, she screamed at the ants and told them “ant” my momma bought yall a house go over there and get in it”?( not even knowing that they are going to die once they got into it.) All she wanted them to know is that they had a house just like she did  lolllllllll

Kids are sooooooo funny,and they keep it real!

 

 

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Entry for August 28, 2006~Destiny

Thank you Jesus for another day!

As you all know every other Sunday my teens meet up at my house and we have our group discussions. This week\’s topic was on \”Attitude\”. We chose attitude because out of 17 of the gurls 13 of them said that they would like to change their attitudes. We got down on this topic do yall hear me? We tore this baby in half!

We learned that teens have more pressure than we care to remember. See we as parents sometimes forget about how we had it when we were coming up. We  forget that we once were teens and that we had issues too. But as we become adults, we have other things such as bills to pay, our husbands or boyfriends that we look after, issues from our jobs, issues from neighbors and family members, and our teens issues gets pushed to the side. Most times their issues are never dealt with and continues into adult hood. Many are faced to go through it alone with no one to talk too. By this time issues turns into attitude. And thats where anger comes in.

Teens need a group for them and by them, where they can come and relate with other teens and listen to things that ONLY concerns them. We dont get off topic about us ( the adults) but its all about them, and Im constantly reminding them of that.Our next meet topic will be on \”self esteem\”.

What I really like most is the gurls are really opening up. They were very talkative this week. They were asking questions, and commenting. I am really blessed to have this group. I am so excited, I have so many ideas that Im going to bring to the table.

 I  prayed for a co-leader and GOT her! Her name is Shaquila Stubbs. She set in with us this week( I do not let the parents/no one sit in with us at all,)she was here because she spoke on attitude and the gurls LOVED HER! Not only is she real, but she broke it down, went to Church on the gurls and all. She is going to school to be a teacher, so this is first hand what she will be doing at the age of 28 ….did I mention with High School Students?!

For the very first meeting I had 17 teens. This time the teens told a friend and we had 23 gurls this time. Praise God! Aint that a blessing? I never in my life saw this for me. This is who I am.

Lacrease

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The truth hurts

 
At work yesterday, I was working the 12 items or less lane. It was crowded, its back to school, and people where buying up some stuff. Working the 12 items or less lane take some serious Patience to work that baby. I mean you got to have plenty of rest, have some snacks at your register, and plenty of scriptures in front of you, and engraved in your heart. lol You are ringing up people at a very fast pace, and when you are on a go you are on a go!
 
Let me tell you how its set up at our 12 items or less lane. There are 2 registers side by side, but its one line. And when one cashier is done ringing up, she/he will call NEXT in line and then the next person walks up. Well some people feel that since its 2 registers that its only one lane. That\’s cool and all. But when I look up AS you are walking up ( clearly taking cuts like everybody is invisible) to the register and I say to you \”ma\’am or sir\” there is only one line………that\’s what that mean! Then they have this look on their faces, and I say well you know how you are at the bank standing in line? Well that\’s how our line is one line but 2 cashiers. When I explain that to them, they get it, so I try to give them that example a lot.
 
Well, yesterday this black lady walked up to the register by passed everyyyyybody standing there and stood in line. So I said \”ma\’am its only one line and we call next when we are ready for the next customer.. She looks at me and get mad. So I looked at her saying to myself I know she aint mad. Then she says, well YALL NEED A SIGN UP SAYING ITS ONLY ONE LINE!!! My first reaction was to say, why would we need a sign to say one line, when all you have to do is notice that all these other people aint standing here for their health???? YOU DUMMY! But I didn\’t. So she goes and get in the line. But all while she is there she is staring at me. So after seeing here in the corner of my eye as I\’m ringing up customers, I finally looked back at her ( that\’s what she wanted any way) and she is looking hot! So I\’m still talking to my customers, like I normally do, being friendly. I looks back again, and see that she stopped my manager and she is looking at me telling her something. So now I\’m like NO SHE AINT talking to Sherrice ( asst manager). So after she do her \”telling\” on me. I say to myself, no she didn\’t call her self telling on me to my gurl! So I smiled a little laughing in my mind, cause I cant believe that she is mad because I told her that its only one line. So now its her turn, and I can tell that she wanted me to ring her up. But just as I was finishing the lady in front of her, the other cashier next to me called next, and as she was going over to her, she KEPT looking at me to look at her, she she walks pass me and says something. I SAID EVERYTHING YOU SAID IS IN JESUS NAME! AND SHE GOT MADDDDDDDDDDDD. Whew she was on fire. She was maddddddddddd at me!
 
I would not look at her either ( hehehe). She said this aint your store, you aint SAM, you are just a worker, you don\’t own this building, She was going off on me, and when I started talking to the customer that  Iwas ringing up ( as if she was talking to herself and was invisible) she finally shut her mouth. Cause it killed me to listen to her say all that mess.
 
See thats what I looooooooove about God. He will let you see your progress on how you use to be versus where you are now. Cause \”back in the day\” as she was staring at me like she was trying to intimidating me. I would  have looked back at her and had a 50 minute stare off without a wink or blink, told her that we could do this all day and night babbbbbbbbbeeeee cause I am on the clock getting paid for it. And all that time she was saying YOU AINT SAM, THIS AINT YOUR STORE! I would have ate her alive with that remark. But it felt good to say In JESUS Name, and kept on doing my work. I think being quiet is better than running off at the mouth. Just for me to know that I can hold my tongue ( thank you Jesus) felt sooooooo good.
 
When I got home and thought about it: She would rather see it on paper saying that its only one line, then for me to tell her with my own mouth the same exact thang. Which leads me to wonder, was she more embarrassed ( I don\’t know why, WHO GETS Embarrassed OVER THE TRUTH?) because she had to walk to the back of the line, or does she hate to be corrected? I\’ll never know. One thing is for sure,  some people  just don\’t like for you to tell them the truth.
 
And you know what? I don\’t even care!
 
Hear me, you who know what is right, you people who have my law in your hearts: Do not fear the reproach of men or be terrified by their insults. Isaiah 51:7 NIV
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Entry for August 21, 2006

Hey,

    I have a question. Have anyone ever felt less motivated? I dont feel like doing anything. If anything is on my mind which is not often, it would be bills. But its not even that. Its like I dont want to do anything. I dont want to go through the motions of this or that. I know Im need to regroup and get myself back in order, but right now, its like Ugh. I get up and go through the motions. I need some ump. Its not that I want to sleep or day or anything, and I know that I must make the first move in order for God to help me. But its like where do I start? I know once I put my mind to something its a done deal, but getting me to put my mind to it, is the challenge. Any advice for me. I know prayer prayer prayer, but I need to get my engine started.

Any advice?

Cre

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Amazing!

I remember when I was  younger, and I would see people on TV and say to myself, \”Wow those people are famous, and too bad no one knows them. I really thought that people that were on TV were people made just for \”TV\”. They seem so far away to me.

But as I got older, I found out that the same people you see on TV are people too. They have families and friends an cousins just like the rest of us. I use to think that when people say they know somebody on TV that they were lying.

Well one day this year, my daughter was watching Nick Cannon\’s Wild N Out, when she was telling me about this guy on the show who was  really funny. She would say \”ma\” you got to hear this guy, he is so funny. So one day, she was watching and made me get up tosee him. When I got to the TV , she was like there he is ma, he is so funny. So I looked, and I looked again, and I said OH MY GOD THAT IS SPANK DOG, I KNOW HIM, I KNOW HIM. And the first thing out of her mouth was, maaaaaaaa no you dont! You dont know him! I said Neisha I have photos of him/with him that we took at the comedy club we use to go and see him at weekly. She did not beleive me, she wanted to see the pictures for herself.

So I proudly jumped up and went to my photo album and snatched a few photos out, and she was amazed. She couldnt believe it. I couldnt even believe that he had actually made it. Not only did he make it but Tony Roberts ( always on BET ) did also, who is  in the photo next to him.

That goes to show you, that we sometimes think that people are unreachable, that they are on this peddlestool so tall that we cant reach them. My daughter got to see first hand that TV people are people too.

Quetta ( my sisters sister-n-law, Tony Roberts ( BET), Spanky(Wild N Out)

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