Author: lacrease

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My Story ( Imagine Me 4)

Woke up this morning…. feeling SO GOOD! I slept good for the first time in a few weeks. I went to the bathroom and my eyes didn’t have that dead look in them. I have been crying for days… trying to find my way through this wilderness. Don’t feel like getting my nails, lashes or brows done. I’m just here. lol I don’t mind. I’ve been Summons and I am listening.

 

I-94 straight to work this morning bumping “MY STORY” by Marvin Winans, Praising God, crying ( yeah Imma cry baby) and just thinking about how God bought all this together. I have written 15 pages by hand of my Testimony. Its  MIND BLOWING! Everytime I think about how this started, and end up being all about God is amazing to me.

 

 

I’m walking to the time clock, feeling so good. Havent had this feeling in a while. I’m smiling, and people are looking at me like a “lamp” just crossed their paths. When days before I was a walking “zombie” ( Neishia’s words), just here. I’m working, thinking about how good God is to me, and how he loves me. I admit I can be a HANDFUL ( smile) especially when I don’t understand something. Then my eyes watered up, it overwhelmed me. I zoned out.

 

 

Then…..

 

 

 This lady came through my line. Never before seen her in my life. The store was CROWDED (it’s Saturday). But for some reason she was the only one in my line. We spoke… and OUT THE BLUE, she started talking about ME being on the fence. She said GET OFF THE FENCE. She said God is telling me to tell YOU to get off the fence, either you’re over here, or you’re over there. I looked at her and water filled my eyes. She kept talking about ME being on the fence. Then she said, that’s it. God is telling me to be quiet. God is telling me to be quiet. Then she looked up to the sky to God and she said okay Lord… I’ll be quiet. At this time, I’m looking at her so intense, like I need more. But at the same time, I’m saying please God don’t let my tears fall. Please don’t let them fall. Just then she said….. you are running, I see you running. God said to stop running, you have work to complete, only you can do this. You have been running and running. She said,  you have a MINISTRY, I SEE A MINISTRY, you are running from your Ministry!!!! I’m staring at her saying to myself A Ministry? Then it clicked in my head. I put my Ministry on the back burner, hadn’t even thought about it in God knows how long. My Raisingurls. While I’m thinking about how I got so far away from my Ministry, she said this: Seek first the kingdom of God and  his righteousness and all these things will be given to you . I lost it. I couldn’t hold it any longer. I cried and cried, and cried and cried, and cried. Right there at my register. I didn’t care who was looking. She told me to  give her a hug, and then she started praying for me. I cried all on her shoulders and arms. I lost it. That was the only Scripture she said to me. After she prayed for me, she said, she had to go. My coworkers everybody was asking … Cree are you okay?  Are you okay Cree? They just don’t know how real God is. I got myself together and I couldn’t stop thinking about everything that has happened this last past month. She was the 4th person to speak that same Scripture to me in less than 2 months. All but one was a stranger.

 

The part that bothers me about myself is……. how God told my brother to STOP doing what he’s doing in his BUSY LIFE, to go OUT TO SEA and  get ME.  GOD said to him….. ” Go and get your Sister” she’s drowning, and only You can reach her. She’s in the middle of the sea. “GO GET HER”!!! I kicked and fought with him too.  Day in and day out, until he finally  said : I’m not doing this with you. 

 

I feel so terrible, and don’t know at this point if he’ll have anything else to do with me.  I pray that God keeps us seperated  until HE (God) says we can speak again. God  said I’ll handle her from here…. You go on and do your work .  My brother had his own personal  reasons to see me too. SMH @ myself.  So embarrassed. So ashamed, can’t even look at ANYTHING concerning him. I’m always the one to Minister to everyone. I’m thinking all this time, I’m in his life to Minister to him, but he end up coming to Minister to me. SMH again. 

 

 

There’s so much more to my Testimony, it can NEVER  be written here…..but in self-addressed emails to myself.

 

There’s still more God wants me to know…….. I feel it.

 

I lost a total of 14 pds working out and changing the way I eat.

 

  

 

 “Tho I walk this lonely road ( by myself)

Back home is where I gotta go

If I can make it there, I know,that all is right”

 

 

“Uncertain of how I’ll be received

but a Servants job is enough for me

Bottom line, I gotta be where I am free”.

 

 

“Here comes my help

Here comes my way out

And now I find, the peace of mind, I knew before”

 

 

“He is my help

He is my way out

Oh happy day, I’m here to stay,  forever more.” ~  My Story~ Marvin Winans

  

 

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Imagine Me 3 ( My Story)

 

“I’m in a mess…I need a way out
can you help me find the peace of mind I used to have? I’m just a wreck…wreck like a plane crash, it seems to be a piece of my mind everywhere…” Marvin Winans~ My Story

 

Today was a better day.  After working a full day, couldn’t go home and stay there. I changed clothes, grab my Marvin Winans,  and Kirk Franklin CD, and went back down to the River with my pen and paper . God bought many things to my Remembrance.  SMH@ myself……. again.

         The atmosphere……..breath taking.

 

Still in the Wilderness. With every thought, I’m more embarrassed. Just SMH @myself. Ashamed.

 

Everytime God is about to speak to me, he always does something AMAZING! Everytime!!! I guess it’s his way of  letting me know he’s listening and he’s about to speak as well. Everytime!

Wednesday of this week, when I punched in for work, my boss told me that our Assistant Manager wanted to see me in his office. I already knew that it was for my attendance. When I got home from Atlanta, I got so sick. I slept day in and day out from the change of weather. When we boarded the plane in Atlanta we were wearing shorts. But when we got to Detroit, people were wearing coats. I knew I was going to be sick. Anyway……. (how did I end up explaining that story) when we both went into the office , he said La’Crease do you know why you’re here? I said yes, my attendance. He said smart gurl, we laughed. Then he punched up my name, and all through my absences it said EXPIRED, EXPIRED, EXPIRED. EXPIRED, EXPIRED, EXPIRED, EXPIRED, EXPIRED all the way down. Don’t ask me? He was out done, just as we were. I knew it was God. LOL He said LaCrease, you can go back to your register!!! Thats how I always know when he is about to reveal something to me. That has never happened to anyone. If your manager calls you to the office to show you something he saw in the system, and you get there and its gone. How do you explain that?

When God sends all these people in your life with messages at some point….. you have got to bow down. You have too. Today, I zoned out while waiting on a few customers. My mind left the building…

Job 34:16 (New International Version)

 16 “If you have understanding, hear this;
       listen to what I say.

Good Night

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Imagine Me 2

WOW!

 

 Today was a day of reflection. What I saw, I didn’t like. No longer CONFUSED. But embarrassed. So embarrassed. Will I be forgiven? Will he forgive me?

 

 God told me to take another trip to the Detroit River this evening. I did. This is where I find peace. My mind is free as I look over the Detroit River.

 

 Strapped with pen and paper……… MORE  was revealed.

 

If there is more ……. I’m scared to know. But I’ll listen….. I have too.

 

 I’l visit the River very soon.

 

Cut off from EVERYONE.. … God is my ONLY source  in my situation. I trust him.

 

 What have I done? It hurts to know I hurt……someone.

 

 Lord, please forgive me

 

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Imagine Me…..

Thank you Lord for today. For waking me up and for loving me. For looking out for me, for caring for me and all that I do. I thought that I was done crying……..there’s more. I care and worry about everyone but myself sometimes. I have to make sure everyone is okay, but when it comes to LaCrease, I think that I have everything under control…… but I don’t. Oh the tears that flow. I just need to step back and be humble. Be quiet sometimes… listen… Yep, friend you’re right, I let Emotions take over me. I need to slow down….. .

 

 

One of the desires of my heart God gave …….. still pushing it away. Praying it returns …..again………..again…. again. Lord, work with me to get MYSELF  together. Let me Listen and do your Will. Humble me….. show me when I’m wrong. Allow me to just listen. LISTEN ! LISTEN! I hear you calling, my mind is distracted. Im going to get it together, because I WANT TOO, I NEED TOO. Lord, help me.

 

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I went to the Park…

Thank you Jesus for a new day and new mercies. Thank you Lord.

 

This morning I took Neisha to work @ 9. Driving relaxes me, and so as I got almost in the drive way, I started thinking, let me run in the house grab some things and I’m out! I went in and got a mixture of CD’s. I took Maxwell, Anita, Gerald, and several Wow and Kirk Franklin. I forgot my water, but I got pen and paper, some old journals ( before the computer came I use to write all the time) other things, and I went to Belle Isle Park. I love that place. It’s so huge and peaceful. The Detroit River surrounds it. I can see clear over in Windsor Canada. The joggers were out. runners, people walking their dogs, feeding the animals. 

 

I got there @ 10:00 am, and found me a nice spot right under a tree. Ah, it was so beautiful and so peaceful. Just looking up at the sky, and the trees makes you say…. Thank you Jesus, Thank you Lord. I popped in a CD and started writing everything that was on my mind for the last month, leading up to today. I didn’t know I had a story to tell. LOL When I looked up from writing it was almost 4:00 pm!!!! I wrote 12 pages!!!! No computer, nothing but pen and paper. I havent done that in years, I even took my old journals and read them. LOL That was a trip. I’m happy that I had a clear enough mind to write. Because if my mind is not clear, I can’t write a sentence. In the mist of writing I was thinking, writing, crying, thinking, mad, laughing, crying, thinking, writing, writing, crying, and  GRATEFUL!  I experienced all types of emotions today. Tonight or tomorrow, I’m going to type it out in email, so that I can keep it for myself. I love going back 12 years and reading how much I have grown.

 

 Im down 10 pds total since my last trip to ATL! Yeaaaaa Creeeeee ( u gotta encourage yourself)

 

Well, I’ll be away for a minute. Bye  

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Back to Eden

Today was a better day.

 

  

My mind is starting to clear out. I worked today for a while by myself, and that worked for me. I try to mean well in everything. I love to be upfront and easy to talk with. I found out, that when I don’t have control of something, I lose it. Let my Sisters tell it….. I’m something else. Each day… I’m learning something NEW. OuOuOuOuOuOuOuOuOuOuOuOuOuOuOuOu ( as Neisha say)

 

 

Over the weekend our store manager got demoted and sent to another store to avoid humiliation. I feel bad for him. When I first started there, I was told that our store was the worst store to work in as far as customers. In my mind I was like….. I can handle these people. Baaaaaaby when I got there, it was something else. But you know, I learned a lot from working with the public. How to deal with different personalities, on the spot issues, behaviours, people with disabilities, doe doe birds, all types of people. We see all kinds, and I like that. I’m definitely looking forward to my next assignment. I use to get attached to my jobs, and people, but I can move on from them both  Praise God.

 

 

I lost a total of 9 lbs yeaaaaaa meeee!!! If only I can stay consistant! For me its water, and working out. Water, water , water. Well, Im about to take a nice bath, and think!! Its a good thing my thoughts, are my thoughts, and they are LOCKED IN MY HEAD! 

Good Night!

 

I use to wake up every morning and read this. I kept it at my bedside. I read it Faithfully. I printed it out again , and Im going to start back reading it. This is one of my favorite Scriptures.

 

 

Psalm 121 (New International Version)

Psalm 121

A song of ascents.

 1 I lift up my eyes to the hills—
       where does my help come from?

 2 My help comes from the LORD,
       the Maker of heaven and earth.

 3 He will not let your foot slip—
       he who watches over you will not slumber;

 4 indeed, he who watches over Israel
       will neither slumber nor sleep.

 5 The LORD watches over you—
       the LORD is your shade at your right hand;

 6 the sun will not harm you by day,
       nor the moon by night.

 7 The LORD will keep you from all harm—
       he will watch over your life;

 8 the LORD will watch over your coming and going
       both now and forevermore.

 

 

 

 

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He always talk to me…..

Today was a very good day!! I have to Thank God for that. I’m telling you, he keeps on Blessing me, and Blessing me. He is all up in my mix. I can tell when he wants to comfort me, cause he stays on my mind. He knows something is heavy on my heart, I dunno if he’s testing US on it, but this is really hard. I know one thing, he won’t let my hand go. No matter how I want to handle things my own way, he always talk to me, and talk to me, and talk to me, until I “get it” his way. I just don’t get the part where he tells me something thats A REALLY BIG DEAL, and I can’t even speak a word on it. I mean its like……….. getting to me. LOL I’m just going to trust him as I always do, and leave it alone.

 

 

I tell people all the time, its real important that you keep your head clear so that you can hear from God. Everyday it’s getting bad out here, and when we consume our thoughts with bills, gossip, issues that we have no control over, and many other things, our mind becomes cloudy. It drowns out what God wants to say to us. I never knew how important it is to keep our mind stayed on Jesus  IN A WORLD LIKE THIS… its possible. When I feel myself getting down, I’ll sing songs in my mind, and clap ( clapping makes me feel  good).

 

 

Today as I was about to do some shopping after my shift was over, my coworker walked up to me, and said …LaCrease, do you have $2.00. I didn’t at all. I didn’t have a dime to my name on me. I told her no, we talked for a minute and she went into the bathroom. As I was about to walk away with my cart, God said…. LaCrease go into the bathroom and ask her if she need some food or anything. I went ( made sure no one was in there) and asked her, hey…….. did you need me to buy you something? I told her I didn’t have any money, but I did have my Credit Card. She said…. I’m on lunch and I wanted to get something to eat. See, that kinda stuff makes me cry. I HATE to see people hungary. I hate it!!! I was so happy that I KEPT MY MIND CLEAR so that I could hear from God. I would have missed an opportunity to bless her. I told her to get anything she wanted. I remember a time when money was always low for me. I didn’t want to sacrifice anything, I use to be so selfish. Always wanted things to go my way. Always thinking about Lacrease. My friend use to tell me how selfish I was, I didn’t agree. Looking back on those days, I don’t see how she even wanted to be my friend. LOL I knew all her check days, food stamp days, child support days.  I had all of them checked off in my calendar. One day she asked me if I had a calendar (LOL) and I told her to look in my purse, why when she opened the Calendar she was SO SHOCKED to see all her pay days checked off with her name on it from Jan-Dec!!! She was so shocked !!!! LOL She said that’s why you always know when I have some money. LOL I didn’t want her to see that, but see I would ask her for money in case she tried to ask me first. Aint that selfish? Thank you Lord for taking selfishness out of me. Thank you.

 

 

I was talking with a co-worker on Monday and I was telling her this year I plan to do the “Cree’s Feeding the Homeless for Thanksgiving Dinner” a little different. I’m planning to feed 75 people, but when it comes to the donations, I’m going to put those donors names in a bag, and the day before Thanksgiving, I’m going to pull at least 6 names ( depending on the amount of ppl donate) and give them gifts. God told me to get started now on the gifts. He knows that I want to give good gifts. I’m not a dollar store shopping gurl, and so my gifts won’t be “dolla sto ish”. LOL I believe that if you give good gifts, you’ll get good gifts. To me that shows your Character. Your gifts show just want kinda person you are, and what you EXPECT. I’m kinda excited about this. Only thing, if I’m in Atlanta, I’m not sure how I will do it. Either way….. I’m excited about it.

 

 

I minister to a lot of people, and I find that a lot of people talk to me because I’m straight up with them. I don’t Judge them, or look down on them. I do ask that if they’re going to tell me a story to tell the whole thing, because I can always tell when something is being left out. I didn’t realize how much Fear paralyze people. People have let what they’ve done in the past, supervise and plant manage their future. We’ve got to ask God reach in and take the Fear out of our minds and hearts. Proverbs 4:23 Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.

 

I believe that Fear kicks in FOR A LOT OF PEOPLE, when they hear NO,   NOT YET,  LATER, or MAYBE. If they hear No, they feel that they have to go with another plan. People  will sit and be hungary, just because they are scared to ask because they may hear… No. Whether is No, you can’t have it, or even No, I don’t have it. People have Fear of their past. The things they’ve done, and they’re afraid of others finding out. They have Fear of  friendships because they’re scared they’re going to end up hurt. And this is another reason why you can’t gossip and constantly have your mouth on someone else’s situation……….because you Fear you could end up that same way. There are so many different corners of a person, and just getting to know someone can set up Fear in your heart. Sometimes we have to take chances. Once you allow someone into that space, it always turns out to be okay. Don’t hold yourself up because of Fear. And yes, I’m talking to myself as well. I have Fears and doubts too.  I’m Fearful to pray in front of others, I’m scared I might say something stupid. LOL ( I can laugh at myself). I am veryyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy Fearful of that. I sit and try to imagine myself praying. For example: I may need to pray before we start my gurls group, I’m scared I may say this: Father God in the name of Jesus, Lord Thank you for our meeting this evening, and Thank you for traveling mercies to and fro, and then I FEAR I may say……. Lord, Thank you for letting me make it to work on time, and for not forgetting, to take  the pork chops out this morning. Stuff like that. LOL I will just zone all the way out, and I am soooooo FEARFUL of praying in front of  NEW PEOPLE . If, I’m at dinner and I’m asked to pray. I will start shaking….. probaly would fake sick, and ask to leave. LOL Im serious. My stomach start flipping and doing jumps. I can’t take it. But let somebody talk about God….. I’m all in. I make friends with strangers just to join in on the conversation. Yall aint bout to talk about my daddy and I’m not in it. LOL Just don’t ask me to Pray. LOL  But yes, Fear will paralyze you. We have got to ask God to take that out of us, in the name of Jesus.

 

 

In closing, Thank you Lord for Wisdom. Thank you for talking to me late night this week, cause you know,  YOU know, YOU know…… I’m on the edge. LOL You know how I am, you know Lord, and I Thank you for being in control. If you leave me for one minute….. I’ll mess things up. You did it for me, and I have to be patient.  Just hold my hand, please don’t let me go. Remind me of Scriptures to keep me up. Keep me busy Lord. Thank you.

 

La’Crease

 

 

Proverbs 3:1-4 (New International Version)

Proverbs 3

Further Benefits of Wisdom

 1 My son, do not forget my teaching,
       but keep my commands in your heart, 2 for they will prolong your life many years
       and bring you prosperity. 3 Let love and faithfulness never leave you;
       bind them around your neck,
       write them on the tablet of your heart. 4 Then you will win favor and a good name
       in the sight of God and man.

 

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Gesssssssh!

 

I was thinking earlier ( probably over analyzing) about my friendships. Sometimes I think that Im misunderstood. I like to do my own thang. A few of my friends feel that if I don’t call them in a few days, that Im mad at them. Im diffferent. I can go days and weeks without calling, that doesnt mean Im mad. And why do I have to do the calling first, or all the time.  Im not a clingy person, its okay if we don’t talk daily.

 

When you are friends, you are suppose to be able to leave off on one conversation, and pick it up the VERY next time you speak………… so what if its days or weeks later. I get so many phone calls and voice messages asking why didnt you email me back, and why don’t you call me back when I called. First of all, if you know me well, you know Im not a phone person. My hands need to be free so that I can do other things, and then people get mad when Im doing 2-3 different thngs at one time. Like Im suppose to stop what I’m doing, while they talk up 3 hours of my day. Respect how I feel about the phone, say what you gotta say and lets be done.

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a “clogged” mind

Lord, Thank you for the wonderful people who you placed in my life. People who Ministers to me and show me Scriptures of your word. Today was truly a day that I needed them. Mentality, I was checking out temporary. So many things coming at me… and my over analyzing wasnt helping at all. My mind is all over the place again, and when it gets that way, I can’t hear from God, and when I can’t hear from him…………that’s bad. He’s my lifeline. I went to bed in tears last night because I needed a word and I knew with a “clogged” mind, it wasnt happening.

 

 

I woke up this morning, feeling good, hoping today would be  better . Just to break down in the middle of the day. When I don’t understand something, I get this way. God knows that I HATE to feel like this. Its like I want him to stop what he’s doing, and talk to me 911. I don’t get like this all the time, only when I really need to know why certain things are happening. I feel as though I’m in the dark.

 

 

Thank you Jesus! I love you.

LaCrease

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