Woke up this morning…. feeling SO GOOD! I slept good for the first time in a few weeks. I went to the bathroom and my eyes didn’t have that dead look in them. I have been crying for days… trying to find my way through this wilderness. Don’t feel like getting my nails, lashes or brows done. I’m just here. lol I don’t mind. I’ve been Summons and I am listening.
I-94 straight to work this morning bumping “MY STORY” by Marvin Winans, Praising God, crying ( yeah Imma cry baby) and just thinking about how God bought all this together. I have written 15 pages by hand of my Testimony. Its MIND BLOWING! Everytime I think about how this started, and end up being all about God is amazing to me.
I’m walking to the time clock, feeling so good. Havent had this feeling in a while. I’m smiling, and people are looking at me like a “lamp” just crossed their paths. When days before I was a walking “zombie” ( Neishia’s words), just here. I’m working, thinking about how good God is to me, and how he loves me. I admit I can be a HANDFUL ( smile) especially when I don’t understand something. Then my eyes watered up, it overwhelmed me. I zoned out.
This lady came through my line. Never before seen her in my life. The store was CROWDED (it’s Saturday). But for some reason she was the only one in my line. We spoke… and OUT THE BLUE, she started talking about ME being on the fence. She said GET OFF THE FENCE. She said God is telling me to tell YOU to get off the fence, either you’re over here, or you’re over there. I looked at her and water filled my eyes. She kept talking about ME being on the fence. Then she said, that’s it. God is telling me to be quiet. God is telling me to be quiet. Then she looked up to the sky to God and she said okay Lord… I’ll be quiet. At this time, I’m looking at her so intense, like I need more. But at the same time, I’m saying please God don’t let my tears fall. Please don’t let them fall. Just then she said….. you are running, I see you running. God said to stop running, you have work to complete, only you can do this. You have been running and running. She said, you have a MINISTRY, I SEE A MINISTRY, you are running from your Ministry!!!! I’m staring at her saying to myself A Ministry? Then it clicked in my head. I put my Ministry on the back burner, hadn’t even thought about it in God knows how long. My Raisingurls. While I’m thinking about how I got so far away from my Ministry, she said this: Seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness and all these things will be given to you . I lost it. I couldn’t hold it any longer. I cried and cried, and cried and cried, and cried. Right there at my register. I didn’t care who was looking. She told me to give her a hug, and then she started praying for me. I cried all on her shoulders and arms. I lost it. That was the only Scripture she said to me. After she prayed for me, she said, she had to go. My coworkers everybody was asking … Cree are you okay? Are you okay Cree? They just don’t know how real God is. I got myself together and I couldn’t stop thinking about everything that has happened this last past month. She was the 4th person to speak that same Scripture to me in less than 2 months. All but one was a stranger.
The part that bothers me about myself is……. how God told my brother to STOP doing what he’s doing in his BUSY LIFE, to go OUT TO SEA and get ME. GOD said to him….. ” Go and get your Sister” she’s drowning, and only You can reach her. She’s in the middle of the sea. “GO GET HER”!!! I kicked and fought with him too. Day in and day out, until he finally said : I’m not doing this with you.
I feel so terrible, and don’t know at this point if he’ll have anything else to do with me. I pray that God keeps us seperated until HE (God) says we can speak again. God said I’ll handle her from here…. You go on and do your work . My brother had his own personal reasons to see me too. SMH @ myself. So embarrassed. So ashamed, can’t even look at ANYTHING concerning him. I’m always the one to Minister to everyone. I’m thinking all this time, I’m in his life to Minister to him, but he end up coming to Minister to me. SMH again.
There’s so much more to my Testimony, it can NEVER be written here…..but in self-addressed emails to myself.
There’s still more God wants me to know…….. I feel it.
I lost a total of 14 pds working out and changing the way I eat.
“Tho I walk this lonely road ( by myself)
Back home is where I gotta go
If I can make it there, I know,that all is right”
“Uncertain of how I’ll be received
but a Servants job is enough for me
Bottom line, I gotta be where I am free”.
“Here comes my help
Here comes my way out
And now I find, the peace of mind, I knew before”
“He is my help
He is my way out
Oh happy day, I’m here to stay, forever more.” ~ My Story~ Marvin Winans