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My “Cree’s” Ramblings…. Cree’s Blog Entry

ImageOk so, I am extremely bored tonight. Today has been one of those days where it rained all day, and there’s no sun. I slept for several hours and its almost 2 am and I am outta my mind with nothing to do. LOL
 
 
 
 
I love watching T.I. and the family hustle. I adore his family and the way he communicate with his kids, and I can just keep little major until he becomes a teenager. I’m still mad at Kelly Price for how she talk to that man, and how she bought her Vaseline, timbos, and razor for Chant’e Moore. That bothered me.
 
 
 
 
I was just listening to an interview Spike Lee did today, and he said that he and Tyler Perry are cool. And that’s good news to hear. Because I have MAD MAD MAD Love for Spike Lee and of course Tyler Perry and to be honest, they are my favorite filmmakers and to see them go at it disappoints me. Especially in public. I DO NOT like that at all. But what ever conversation they had in private, I’m happy that they can respect each others work, and keep it moving. Because even in a friendship its always something you wont like, but that doesn’t mean to diss the person. I agree Spike and Tyler have love for filmmaking, but their work is from two different backgrounds. I can relate to them both. Spike Lee has a weird way of telling a story that I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE, LOVE, LOVE because I get it. I watch his movies and have the ability to go inside his head and understand exactly what he is relating to his audience. I get the messages. I especially love his signature way of shooting a scene on a “ground train” where he’s close up.
 
 
 
 
I love Tyler Perry’s simple way of telling a story that speaks my language. I feel its a disrespect to others work when someone publicly mention it in a negative light. I don’t eat cheese, but I’m not going to get on TV, write in a blog, boycott, or write a book asking people why do they support KRAFT. What you don’t like keep it moving.
 
 
 
 
Oh well, I guess I’ll listen to my ipod and go to sleep on the music. LOL
 
 
 
 
Where works of the flesh exists, there is NO joy
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Its all in your approach… Cree’s Blog Entry

ImageI’m doing my best to teach this generation of kids to learn how to communicate. Showing RESPECT and Communication is one of my biggest things in life.
 
 
 
When I was growing up, I was really shy and was scared to ask for what I wanted. When my aunt came over and I needed a few dollars for school, I would beg my mother to ask her for the money. But my aunt would say all the time, “what ever you want, ask for it yourself “. That just petrified me. I found out that people who are afraid of asking, are most likely scared to hear “No”. It taught me that no matter what the answer is, to always open up my mouth and ask.
 
 
 
One day recently my student came up to me and asked me to ask the lunch lady could she get a ranch dressing for her salad. I told her that if she wanted one she had to go and ask herself. She said …. she’s going to say NO. I asked her… did she give you one to start, she said that she forgot to get it. I said to her, well you have every right to want one, and to receive one. I said look baby.. ITS ALL IN YOUR APPROACH. I said now, she’s not looking over here, because she’s talking to someone. I said here is what you do, TO GET WHAT YOU NEED AND WANT…. First of all, NEVER approach anyone NEEDING something with an attitude. I told her to check her facial expression, body language, and tone of voice before she walks up to her. Know what you want, be direct to the point, and use less words as possible. I told her to smile, and say excuse me giving eye contact to them both as a form of respect. This is a way to attract the attention and respect of them both, and it also makes you seem as a person of interest…… they want to know what’s going to come out of your mouth. She followed my advice to the tee, made a new friend with the lunch lady because of the RESPECT she showed them both, and her request was an easy one.
 
 
 
Teach your children RESPECT AND COMMUNICATION… it goes a long way, and they’ll most likely get many of the things they want and need in life.
 
 
 
Be Blessed
 
 
 
 
Where works of the flesh exists, there is NO joy
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laughing at myself…Cree’s Blog Entry

40 PLUSI’m laughing at myself tonight. Today on FB, I posted a video of me driving downtown to the River walk from my apartment and couldn’t decide if I wanted to make it private or to share it. I knew that if I shared it, someone was going to call me and say… ” why didn’t you ask me to go downtown with you”. 

No more than 10 minutes afterward, my momma called me and said ” I see you went downtown today huh”? ( I use to take her riding all the time before I moved downtown.) Feeling guilty…. I said “momma that video is 3 weeks old”… dayum I feel so bad that I lied. So bad. But I don’t want to hear her say.. you know I would have liked to go riding. Then my Sister called, and said yeah you went downtown today huh? I told her the same thing, (((what’s wrong with me)))), but then I told her the truth. Then I started thinking where did this come from? I KNOW where, but that’s a different story. 

Thing is I know they’re not trying to make me feel bad, its that they want to be with me. Me and my mommy are very close, and by us living apart, she really misses me. So after lying to her today…. I made a date with her for Monday to go downtown, to take a walk on the River Walk… she’s happy. But I still feel bad for lying, this is nothing to lie about. I do this all the time. And I TOOK THE VIDEO DOWN. SMH I think I feel bad because I’m happy and have Peace, and don’t want to share it. Not that my family and friends don’t bring Peace. I just enjoy doing things alone.
 

This is what people don’t know, or seem to FORGET about me. I have always been the fun gurl. The one who can make you laugh, can gather a group together and all be on the same page, I love to have a good time. In my 20’s I use to throw a backyard party every month. People would stop me on the street and say.. you’re that gurl who throw those parties? If I wasn’t throwing parties I was at a cabaret, or club. I went out 5-6 times a week. I have been all over clubbing. Hosting hustle parties, playing cards drinking and talking junk all night until daylight. This was every other night. 

I enjoy being alone now. I like to get cute, get in my car and go. I feel so bad, that I feel this way. And let me say this… its not that I don’t want to be with anyone, its just that I enjoy being alone. I know if my mom come with me, I would have a good time. I know that if I call a friend to go, we would laugh it up sitting at the Detroit River. I know this. And I have nothing against anyone….. I’m the kind of person that enjoys myself. I’m always thinking about the next person…..but I must say. I have to learn how to share myself. I notice that I am very selfish when it comes to me. Now I’m starting to see my daughter like this…. not good. 

I just planned my trip to Atlanta next year. I want to go alone, but I know someone is going to want to go with me. Of course I’m going to say yes, and I know we’re going to have a great time… thing is… I really could take this trip alone and feel so good. How did I get to this place? There was a time when I wouldn’t DO ANYTHING ALONE! LOL LOL… But along with my Anger issues, I’m promising myself to work on this too.
My dad called me tonight and went off on me because I haven’t called him in 2 days… OH BOY… 

Okay, so on Monday I’m going to tell my momma the truth…. I’m going to call my daddy every other day…and I’m going to spend more time with my friends. I love them all, I just realized that I spent a lot of time entertaining them in the past, I now enjoy entertaining myself. 

Where works of the flesh exists, there is NO joy
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Just one of those days…..

whitneyHey 🙂
 
 
 
Today is one of those days where I just want to lay down and sleep. But its so much going on here in Downtown Detroit its hard to even think about sleeping. I went to get an oil change, came home and started watching Murder Mysteries. I have to really be careful out here, so many creeps waiting around to do whatever.
 
 
 
 
HAPPY BIRTHDAY WHITNEY
 
 
 
 
Just wanted to stick my head in…. can’t hang… I’m laying it down for the night…sorry Detroit. See ya tomorrow.
 
 
 
 
Where works of the flesh exists, there is NO joy

 

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Who R U LaCrease? Part 4 *final* Cree’s Blog Entry @tylerperry

keeping my mouth shutPART 4……..    But in order to do that… I had to ask God…where did this come from? Lord, why do I get upset when someone is sharing with me a story about what someone else did to them? Why do I take it to heart so deeply? Why am I so emotionally connected to their story? Why are my insides on fire as they tell the story? Why do I even care?
I was fed up with my own behavior of trying to “fight” everyday with people about how they treat others. So, I sat down with the TV off and started asking God why am I this way? There has to be a root, where did this begin? All of a sudden I started thinking about my childhood. I was bullied in school. I was bullied because I was different and did my own thing. I admire people who do their “own thing” and not what others did….. unless they like it. If you don’t like what I do, that you wouldn’t do… don’t comment on MY stuff. My dad knew I was different too. I feel to this day that he was a major part of why I have a thing against bullies. For example. Say for instance our light bill was due tomorrow. My dad would spend the money, have fun with it, and worry about that when…. the shut off FINAL NOTICE came. Me, on the other hand, if I had a shut off notice, I would pay the bill, so that I could have PEACE, and not be in the middle of a conversation with someone laughing it up, then all of a sudden …. I THINK OF THIS LIGHT BILL THAT’S GOING TO BE SHUT OFF AT ANY MOMENT. In my daddy’s eyes, I would be considered “silly” in a BULLY FORM OF WAY for thinking like this, and for worrying way to much about it. That always bothered me. It made me feel like this…. If I did things or think things differently than you, mines is considered “STUPID” but yours is considered “SMART”. In my eyes that’s a form of “bullying”.
So, as I got older and realized that the gurl who always stayed in the house, people loved me for how different I was. I was NEVER popular in school, but when I started working and living on my own, people connected with me in a HUGE WAY. Because I was different. I stuck up for the “under dogs”. If I saw you messing with someone and they looked like they didn’t want to be apart… I would say something in a nice tone, and let you know… “we don’t do that here”. I felt that I was that voice for them, but it came from my own place when I was a child.
Then God reminded me of a time when a coworker came to me and said Cree I have something to tell you, but I have to tell you when I call you later, because I know you’re going to be mad. That right there, sent my gauge up to 100. LOL I begged her to tell me now, but she didn’t. When she told me the story later, yep I was mad.. ON FIYAH. Long story short. Me and that coworker was standing around waiting for customers, when our boss son came in. He was good looking, 4 years younger than my daughter. When my boss introduced us to him, we said “oh he’s handsome a good looking guy’… and that was the end of that. Didn’t this BOSS/MANAGER go and tell the other MANAGERS that we were all over her son, and that we were acting like “cougars”, and she also said, women like us is the reason why he don’t come up to the job. PISSED ME OFF. First of all, the lil short sawed off rut…. didn’t look like much, second of all, we both have kids who are GROWN and OLDER THAN HIM, and third of all…. we like men in their late 40’s early 50’s. WHAT?????????? So since I’m faithful to my word and friend about not mentioning anything. We both speak to the Manager, but we keep it moving….we don’t deal with her like that.
Then God bought to my remembrance about how I take up for Tyler Perry when people talk bad about him. I connect with Tyler because we share a lot of child hood issues. I love him as a brother, and a long time ago I adopted in my mind that he is just like me. People talk about him because he’s different, he do things his own way. I LOVE and ADMIRE that about him. When I take up for him, I see us as kids, and since I’m older than him. I see myself as the big sister. And NOBODY is going to talk about MY BROTHER!!! I never shared this with anyone, but when I use to read my google alerts on him and the article was bad and the comments were even worst. I would get on there and SHUT THE WHOLE BOARD DOWN… I would nut up on anyone who had anything negative to say about him. Again it goes back to my child hood, its a form of BULLYING in my mind.
One day I came across this page and this white lady was talking about Tyler, I sent her a email and this is how it went.
RE: Backstage
I am a faithful fan of Tyler Perry. As I read your post about him and read your sarcasm….. I was upset to see that you were taking shots at him. For NO reason. If you’re going to write about a story…. WRITE IT. Leave your remarks out.
But then I realized it was YOU…. who looked stupid. Lindsey had a daughter NOT a son. Trying to make Tyler look bad, you need to be FIRED. Get it together PROFESSIONAL writer.
Then she sent this back to me: Hi lacrease,My name is * took her name out* I’m sorry if my post about the Tyler Perry Foundation offended you. Until your comment I didn’t know there actually was such an organization.I’ve taken the liberty of changing the name and removing the Tyler Perry Foundation from the post but the post itself remains.I’m not against people with GID or those who opt for sexual reassignment surgery. It wasn’t my intention to offend you but I’m sorry if I did.Regards,
After doing this…. I decided that I cannot fight these BULLIES, if Tyler Perry can keep it moving, than so can I. This is what God has been showing me for the longest about myself. I’m the same way with HOMELESS people. Don’t let me hear someone talking down on them, I will have a fit. Don’t talk about anyone who is less fortunate. Don’t mis treat kids, BECAUSE THEY DO KIDS STUFF….another issue that God should me. My coworker stopped me from what I was doing and asked me to come over to her, because she had something to tell me. When I got to her, she asked me….. WHY DO YOU GIVE THESE KIDS MONEY? PISSED ME OFF. My heat Gauge went to 100. Before I knew it I started nutting up, no curse words, or loud talking… NONE OF THAT…. I basically told her that I was grown, I do what I want with my money, and that you have NO IDEA of how many people gave me money as a child and adult, and this is my pay off. That was truly the day, she became my “friend”. She got me…. she knew then that I was my OWN WOMAN in my OWN LANE, doing my OWN THING, with my OWN MIND….
Since God showed me these things about myself. I’m learning to kinda emotionally disconnect from the people I love so much. I love my family and friends. I get to tied into their story and take it to heart. I ‘ve been doing sooooo good lately. God reminds me when I’m in the middle of a test, so that I can think about it as its happening, and to pay attention to my “heat gauge”. LOL I can listen to a story and not be so quick to get upset, or offer my “opinion” about it so quickly. I realize that God is in control and that I don’t have to “mentally fight” off bullies, and take up for the underdog, or hear a story and get upset about it, because its a LIE, MEAN, BULLYISH, or GOSSIP. I’m learning to “keep it moving”. I don’t have to take up for my Brother Tyler Perry who I LOVE so dearly anymore. He can handle his own affairs, and people are going to say what they want about him and everybody else too. I have gotten emails and DM from people who ask me…. do you see Tyler Perry for your husband? LOL I laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh at them, I can see no further than me and he as kids, being different and trying to make it. I couldn’t understand it myself, until God should me the connection.
 http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/07/31/syleena-johnson-iyanla-vanzant_n_3677969.html I was watching Fix My Life with Syleena Johnson and when she asked why she still feels this way about her mom Iyanla replied :”because when you were a little person the big people were behaving badly… and then you grow up…. but you never shifted your relationship with those big people… so in your life she’s still a big person bullying you… and your response is that of a 4 year old… you ever learned how else to be. THAT WAS MY BREAKTHROUGH……THAT WAS THE MOMENT I GOT IT…. I AM A GROWN WOMAN… FIGHTING AS A CHILD IN MY ADULT MIND AND LIFE. TELL ME SOMEBODY GOT THAT? That video is ME FROM THE BEGINNING TO THE END! ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME. THIS WAS MY BREAKTHROUGH.
Everyday there is a test for me…. I have to be open at all times for the warning…. hey maybe there will be times when God doesn’t warn me. LOL I know him…. there will be those times. But the bigger picture here is that I WANT to be a better person, and yes I love my family and friends, but I have to emotionally disconnect from the issues, not to make it mines, to not take on the emotionally responsibility of fixing the issue. But at the same time continue to help them out in anyway I can, * I love talking to people* but not to make it mines.
Thanks for reading, and please learn from MY Life Lessons.
Where works of the flesh exists, there is NO joy
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Who R U LaCrease * Part 3* My Blog Entry

i might get madSo, lately I’ve been doing a “self examination” and I’m very honest about how I feel, the choices I make, and some of the things I say.

The VERY next day after writing my blog entry https://lacreasewalker.com/2013/07/25/who-r-u-part-2-crees-blog-entry-must-read/ “Who R U” Part 2 ……my daughter hesitated to share a story with me about what was going on at her job, “she said to me” “I don’t like telling you stuff momma, because you get mad”. Wow, that just blew me away. She had no idea of the blog entry that I had written the night before… so for your own child to say the same thing…. it MUST be true.

I picked her up from work this day, when she had this “sigh of relief” look on her face as she got in the van. I asked her …. what’s going on gurl? She turned to me as I was driving and said “ma, I’m going to share something with you, but don’t get mad. When she said that,…. all of a sudden my heart started beating fast, I could feel the anxiety kicking in, I could feel heat rising, anger setting in place, the MADEA in me coming out. I wanted to stop the van just in case I had to go back and confront somebody. I needed cold air to circulate to my whole body. I went into a daze. I just needed to hear the story, but she made me do all of these promising “NOT TO GET MAD” thingys for 10 minutes , and then she began her story.

As she shared the story of CORPORATE BULLYING *everything is good now* I invited God to come into the space of my mind, and intercept the anger, fear, and anxiety that I was having by listening. While driving, I had to make sure my facial expression didn’t change much, because I know my daughter, she will change the subject and never mention it again. To help me, I thought about the blog entry I wrote the night before about what my friend said. This is the part that stood out the most in her fiery email TO ME 5 years ago: “you really need to get-it-together with your anger–rage mouth!!! Its very difficult to share things with you when I know you gonna go nutts at the lips!!!!!!!” While my daughter told the story…. God was in my head space calming my storm, I started feeling relaxed. I felt as if I didn’t have to “fight anymore” or “feel the sense to confront” someone. I knew that God was saying to me, STOP FIGHTING EVERYONE LACREASE… I am in control NOT YOU! Even though my insides were on “fire” just hearing the story, I felt that God wanted me to feel every emotion so that I can know that they will arise, how to handle them, but at the same time learn to trust him when it comes to these situations.

This is what it felt like… I don’t like roller coasters at all PERIOD. I was in Cedarpointe one year and someone talked me into riding with them, it was my very first time. Well, I go on, and it got STUCK at the top for what seems like FOREVER. Once they got it running, I thought we were going to crash to the bottom, thinking that it wasn’t going to ever work properly until the engineers took a look at it. The feeling of the”climb” in the roller coaster… is how I feel as the person tells the story…. the “drop” of it is the thought of things I want to say to the aggressor, but when I calm down and let God handle the situation is the feeling I have when the ride is over and I SURVIVED IT. Its like okay…. it wasn’t that bad. WOW ISNT THAT DEEP?

With all of that said…. I’m learning how to control my emotions when someone shares something with me that I wont agree with. But in order to do that… I had to ask God….where did this come from?

You DO NOT want to miss….. Part 4 coming up!!!

Where works of the flesh exists, there is NO joy
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“WHO R U PART 2 CREE’S BLOG ENTRY (((must read)))

relationship with godPART 2…

Here’s what I found out…..That while growing up I always had a desire to keep PEACE in my life and to those all around me. I was that kid that when my momma said.. get up and wash dishes…. I got up and washed dishes. If she said be home by 9… I was home by 8:30. If my dad said to me have this house cleaned up by the time he got home… so it was. My dad was (((and still can be))) a manipulator. I didn’t know what it was then, but I knew that when he wasn’t happy, he wanted to make everybody around him miserable. GOD.. I HATED THAT!!!! He could come into the house and set off the whole atmosphere. He would turn the TV when he knew we were watching something, made us do stuff, he would just create a space that was unbearable.

As I got in my teens and started working, he would ask me for a few dollars here and there, and I would give it to him. But there were times when I had other plans with my money, and boy did he make it hard for me. In order to have PEACE in the house when he wanted money to buy liquor, play his lottery or gas money, he would purposely start an argument with me, and for PEACE sake I would give in. This went on for years. Then I watched him do it to my sisters. When I moved out at 22, he continued to call me and ask for money when he needed it. And when I didn’t give it to him, he would be mad at me for weeks and weeks. For the life of me, I still can’t understand how a father/mother can be mad at their own kids for this long period of time. ((((shaking my head)))) When me and my siblings get mad at each other we make up on the spot!

So at age 22 my calm sweet Spirit attracted MANY people. I love PEACE and people see it, they want to be apart of it, they are a magnet to me… and as I grew up in LOVE and demand PEACE.. I found myself being a FREE THERAPIST for everyone. LOL I LOVED it and still do!!! I love talking and listening to people (((( THIS IS WHO I AM))) and what was going on with them, helped me in so many ways to figure out my own ISSUES. But in the process I lost myself. I got caught up in showing so much LOVE, that I have neglected myself. Not only that.. but I realized that not everyone knows how to receive LOVE.

I met this lady at my job, she was a year older than me. We worked together, and became really good friends. She didn’t have siblings and wasn’t close with her mom. I enjoyed talking with her and talking about the things that went along in her relationship. After that didn’t work she moved out of town and we still stayed in touch. Knowing that she was in another city I was often worried about her. I remember one day I called her and didn’t get an answer. It was very unusual since we talked nearly everyday and every week. I called her so much that day it had to be about 11-12 times straight. But she was there all along, not feeling like answering the phone.

Here is a piece of that email she wrote to me….. I HAVE HAD
E———–NOUGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THIS
IS ABSOLUTELY RIDICULOUS. YOU HAD BETTER HAVE SOMETHING
SERIOUSLY WRONG TO BE CALLING ME THE WAY YOU HAVE.
ABSOLUTELY RIDICULOUS. I HAVE HAD THIS CONVERSATION WITH YOU
BEFORE. YOUR CALLS DONT MOVE ME! WHEN I HAVE TIME I WILL
CALL YOU. I AM ON A MISSION AND WILL NOT EXPLAIN MYSELF! IT
SADDENS ME THAT YOU TAKE YOURSELF TO AN ALL TIME LOW. ITS
DISGRACEFUL! DISRESPECTFUL AND TRULY INCONSIDERATE! IF THERE
IS NO EMERGENCY THERE IS NO EXCUSE AND GOD NEEDS TO CONVICT
YOUR HEART ON THIS MATTER. AT THE DROP OF A DIME YOU CAN
ENCOURAGE PEOPLE NOT TO CALL SOMEONE IF THEY HAVE CALLED
THEM SEVERAL TIMES AND THEY HAVENT RETURNED THEIR CALL. THEN
WHY CANT YOU TAKE YOUR OWN ADVICE MISSY! ALL I CAN SAY IS
WOW YOU ARE TRULY OUT OF CONTROL! AND WHEN I STOP WHAT IM
DOING TO ANSWER THE PHONE AFTER A GAZILLION CALLS, YOU HAVE
NOTHING TO SAY BUT HI.
YOU-CAN-NOT-CONTROL-ANYTHING-BUT-YOU! TO TRY AND FORCE
SOMEONE TO CALL YOU BACK AND SHOW THEM YOU WILL BADGER THEM
at all cost IS NOT THE WAY TO DO things. YOU GET NOOOOOOOO
RESULTS! AS YOU SAY “YOU DONT KNOW WHAT OTHER THINGS PEOPLE
HAVE PLANNED WHEN YOU CALL THEM” THE SAME RULES APPLY TO
YOU.
PRAYING ALL IS WELL
BE BLESSED

And in another email that day…. she wrote:

Its soooooooooooo sad,
That my friend has a case of road rage at the mouth and cannot control herself. It saddens me that you interject your comments when I didn’t ask for your opinion. Its clear that you lack the ability to listen. How can you argue MY opinion.
You have issues with your mouth and listening without offering your opinion when not needed. You got a big loud mouth and you need to learn to control yourself missy! I have a friend with no self control of the lips. And for the first time in years I need to tell you, that you have a serious problem in this area. I am embarrassed to know that its soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo out of control even you cant help it. But you really need to get-it-together with your anger–rage mouth!!! Its very difficult to share things with you when I know you gonna go nutts at the lips!!!!!!!

There is no excuse or apology for your behavior just work on making the changes for yourself.

After reading that THEN….. I was like WOW. Where did that come from? Even though we have been knowing each other for a total of 23 years…. I STILL DIDNT look at myself . I never got to explain to her that I only called so many times in a row was because I was worried about her… aint like she lived around the corner as she always have from me. She was going through a lot at that time, and she was my GOOD friend. I cared. In my family and circle, if you’re really close and haven’t talked to that person… concern grows…. YOU DO WHAT YOU CAN TO MAKE CONTACT WITH THEM… and they’d appreciate it too. Looking back at this email from 5 years ago… I realize that everyone is not use to someone “looking out for them” “checking up”, “or giving advice” just as well as listen to it. I have sisters that I LOVE… trust and believe if I blow you up like that I CARE. When I can’t get in touch with my sisters and friends… THEY KNOW I WILL BE KNOCKING ON THEIR DOORS. If something is wrong with that… I’m sorry. They understand… that I don’t mean no harm.

I refuse to put this ALL on her. This was MY issue too. Becoming too involved and having a desire to help people. I didn’t know when they wanted me to listen or when they wanted advice. When I’m quiet they want to know what IM THINKING.. when I voiced my opinion they just WANTED ME TO LISTEN. Again… that was me… putting too much into others. Don’t get my wrong there was nothing wrong in doing this… but when you lose YOURSELF FOR YEARS AND YEARS AND YEARS… that’s not good at all. I finally get what she’s saying after all of these years. I get it. I really get it. Too bad our friendship has ended.

And just like my dad, he just wont let me LOVE him without sabotaging our relationship. He’s mad at me right now, its been almost 3 weeks since he called me. Growing up as a child and in my early 30’s this would bother me something terrible. Somehow I just don’t care anymore. I feel bad that I DONT CARE. Looking at my dad’s past, he is just like my friend, THEY KNOW HOW TO LOVE AND TO BE FAITHFUL TO PEOPLE….. but they don’t know how to RECEIVE it.

I’m not mad at nobody…. I’m just staying in my own LANE. Running my OWN race.

Where works of the flesh exists, there is NO joy
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“WHO R U” Part 1 Cree’s Blog Entry

whoare uAs I sit here cooking dinner… Collard Greens, corn bread and fried chicken, I am reminded of the complete PEACE that I have in my life.

As bad as I want to tell and “share” my dinner with several family members * because I KNOW they will appreciate it* …. God has reminded me that its okay to prepare it and to have it for myself.

For as long as I can remember I have always been the person who spends all day inviting friends * one at a time* over and helping them to sort out the things that’s going on in their life, and even when I wanted to be alone and enjoy my own PEACE… I kept smiling and invited more. I remember so clearly being in my apartment in my early 20’s, washing dishes when I said Lord, I want a Best Friend.. someone who I can talk to, instead of doing all the listening. I heard him loud and clear when he said to me… I am your Best Friend. I said I know God.. but I’m talking about somebody “down here”. Here it is 20 plus years later, and that conversation comes to my mind at least twice a week. I don’t know if I “hurt” his feelings (((smile))) or he knew it was going to come a time when I’d say… NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NEW FRIENDS FOR ME/CREE LORD… IM GOOD!!!!! LOL

I realize that as a child growing up that I’m a very supportive and motherly person. I still do NOT in my adult life know how to balance this in my life. Its like I want to LOVE and HELP everybody. I admit I have gotten so much better with this, because by living on my own, it has helped me to do more for myself. Daily I have to sit quietly and think about ME. Doing what makes me happy. I’m sad sometimes in how much time and energy I put into others, when they were busy “doing them”, or was it that I MADE IT ABOUT THEM? Even though they all APPRECIATE everything, its ME… its ME who need to learn balance. When to offer my help, or to just fall back.

Here’s what I found out….. Part 2 coming tomorrow.

Where works of the flesh exists, there is NO joy
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Feeling some kinda way….about him.. Cree’s Blog Entry!

2013-07-1220.05.30I have a lot that I could speak on when it comes to the Zimmerman case, but I’m very vocal on Twitter so I’ll just leave it at that.

 

I knew once I was on my own I would make myself more available to dating and getting to know someone nice. I can’t even count the men that I have met in the last 6 months. None of them made it inside my apartment, and it never went as far as a kiss.

 

 

But this one guy… um um um….. I liked him… I mean I really liked him. I really thought my “like” button was broke, because I always knew what kind of man I wanted, and I just wasn’t coming across him. We saw each other 5 times a week, and talked on the phone between both his jobs. I would sit at his job in my building * he was the boss* for hours, he never wanted me to leave. We got attached to each other real quick. But one day…. when I walked up to him for the first time that day… he stared me in the eyes and said… I talked to God about you last night….* and then he told me what God told him*… he said to me, when this happen don’t forget about me. I was so shocked at what he said.. I just stood there in a frozen blizzard and stared at him. He was like… are you alright… what? I couldn’t even talk… I changed the subject and when I got to my apartment I got in the bathtub and started thinking about it. Just then he called and said Cree are you okay? What did I say so shocking? I played it off again, and we hung up.

 

Right then and there I knew he wasn’t the one for me, I knew that he was ONLY in my life to give me that message. I KNEW that my days of being with and around him were numbered. GOD KNEW that in order for me to even BELIEVE the message , was that  I HAD TO HAVE SOME KIND OF FEELINGS/CONNECTION  to HIM to even give him the time of day. I do NOT put any energy into a man who I have ABSOLUTELY no feelings for…. its time consuming and relationship/friendship suicide.

 

The reason why I would never get serious with him, was because he was in the “process” of getting himself together, and had several “when he had time” relationships. I was not looking for that at all. I also noticed that when we would talk, several other women came around, and as a woman I knew that he was attracted to them as well as to me. One person in particular… I knew he had eyes for. She couldn’t wait until I left so that she could get her few hours in… LOL it was all good, because I knew he wasn’t the one for me, but his presence, personality, conversations, beautiful teeth and smile… ALWAYS made me happy.

 

He’d applied for another job, and had gotten it. I knew my days of not seeing him were numbered when he shared that info with me. He worked 2 full time jobs and lived too far for us to see each other even once a week. I was sad and stopped calling him. He would call me all the time and ask why you never call me anymore. I couldn’t take not seeing him like I was use too. I was wrong, but I had to disconnect from him. I just stopped answering  his calls, and stop calling him. This was in April or May.

 

Yesterday……… as I stepped out of my van and was walking through my gated parking lot. I felt “something”.. I cant even explain what it was, but it was a weird feeling. It was so weird that I decided to scan the parking lot to see was someone following me… it wasn’t even 6pm yet, and it  doesn’t get dark until after 9. As I’m walking towards my building…. I spot HIM AND her…..looking at me as they walk to the car. Yea… the gurl, the “one in particular”. She lives here in my building. My heart was racing when I saw him because it caught me  totally off guard. I wasn’t mad or anything…. I JUST KNEW WHAT I KNEW. I knew they liked it each other, and I know they’re together.

 

I guess the point I’m making is…. I’m still feeling some kinda way about seeing him… and THEM TOGETHER.I really really liked him. I haven’t liked a guy like that in over 10 years. I’m very funny about giving my heart, time and Love to anyone. I have to really know you, and be with you, to know how I feel. And God knew this. But he had to get that message to me… and I got it. But back in the day, baaaaaaby…..as soon as I put that key into the door, I would have been calling him *not caring one thing about what they are to each other* saying……. COME TO MY APARTMENT TONIGHT AT 8. BE HERE!!!! LOL But I’m 45 and I KEEPS IT MOVING…..The one for me is still out there!!! 🙂

Where works of the flesh exists, there is NO joy
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Wonderful Weekend!!

rennisance

Hey,

 

I had a wonderful weekend with my daughter and her dad’s family reunion. Neisha was the Vice-President and Mistress of Ceremonies for the very well planned, very organized event. I love her dads side of the family because they always show me LOVE. I hate I was having such a good time that I didn’t take photos like I normally do. I forgot to take my camera to the banquet, and the after party her dad had in his hotel room. In 2 years they are taking the reunion to BUFFALO NEW YORK!!! Atlanta wanted it, but New York beat them out.

 

It gave me great joy to see Neishia walking around and all her people know her. Her dads family is HUGE. And to see that I put away my foolishness with her dad, so that she could have the best of both worlds made me so happy that I finally listened to the voice of God.

So much is going through my mind right now…. Tomorrow, I’ll gather my thoughts on the Trayvon Martin case…. and another VIRGO MAN I MET LAST NIGHT…OH BOY….. * SMH*

Where works of the flesh exists, there is NO joy
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