Its 5:30 in the morning. And here I am up…. finishing crying. A much-needed cry( a good thang). Sometimes I act so tough, and like everything is going so well, that I really don’t take the time out to see what’s going on in my mind/my own world. I hear everything, and I understand.
I listened to Donnie, and a few other songs tonight, and I feel so much better. I don’t know where this tough side of me come from, but I broke down tonight. When I think about this Testimony it makes me laugh. For now I can’t see the end, its like never-ending thoughts that drives me crazy. I come to the conclusion that I am in my own way. La’Crease is in her own way, and I’ll do good for months and months, then I break down because I can’t see the end. I try to hurry God, and you know whats even spooky? I can see Sarah in myself, trying to do something ( not even on purpose for me) ahead of God. And he knows it. Tonight, I really took a good look at my life and realized how good God has been to me, and still I rush him. I get inpatient and my friend sees this in me and it drives me crazy ( that he knows it). I can say I’m good, but really when I’m alone, I cry. Sometimes, I sit and Thank God, no one can see my thoughts which work over time~ ALL THE TIME, My mind is like movies that play 24 hours, and I’m the camera gurl. LOL Like are you serious? When does this mind shut down of mines? LOL LOL
My Raisingurls are coming over tomorrow. We have lessons…. I asked these gurls do they want to go see a movie afterwards and they said No…. they want to get goodies from the store and watch a movie at my house????? I’m like BET!!! OKAY! Nesha was like “Ma’ what is it about you that makes them chose to be here than go to the movies”? I dunno. LOL Oh well, they blew my cellphone up texting, they do want to go see Final Destination I DO TOO. So, I’m taking them to see that when it comes out. I love my gurls.
I sit here and smile right now, because my lashes are off on one eye. LOL I know that in my meantime, I have things to do and to be completed. Maybe that’s another thing that overwhelms me….so many projects I’m into. My calendar is filled to the brim. I had planned to take Friday-Monday off to stay at the hotel that’s a ways from me to spend with God in September, but Creflo Dollar is coming to Detroit and WE are there. MY momma and I love Creflo, and when I move to Atlanta that is the Church home I will attend. I was there last year and LOVED IT. So, I’m going to book my room for Oct, can’t wait for that, with my mom having surgery on her feet, Oct is better for me, so it all worked out for good.
Here is something I found, that stop all my tears tonight. I know it was God who lead me to it, because this spoke to me loud and clear. “You are chosen and God is preparing you for what is about to come your way. Hold on a little while longer, your blessing is just beyond the veil. Make it through your situation, don’t give up. If you have put that much time into going through it, go on a little farther so you can see what you were being prepared for”. ~Unknown~