Imagine Me 10 ( Moving On)

Today was a good day. Thank you Jesus for such a wonderful day. All week on-line ( except Wednesday) I’ve been watching LIVE on-line TD Jakes and his guest speakers each night. The first night was Bishop Paul Morton, Sheryl Brady, TD Jakes, and Noel Jones. Talking about fiyah! OO weeee. I watched all but Sheryl. I was at my nieces Graduation Ceremony. Last Sunday, my Pastor spoke on the same lines as Sheryl did. I hate I didn’t get to see all of her sermon. I’ve been doing good on my Tithing….. I’m happy that I have been doing the right thing just as God told me. It will be 2 months come next Thursday. FAITHFULLY!

 

I went back down to the  River yesterday………. Ah, it was so peaceful.

 

Cree

Imagine Me 9 (I’m lost without you)

Praise God for another day!!!! Hugs and kisses to you Jesus!

 

Today was a very good day.  I made up my mind that it was time to dry all my tears, collect lessons learned, and move on to what I’m here to do. This time in my life, it was one of the biggest lessons that lead to many other things that God has for me. I can’t cry anymore, its time to work. I may not get something right off all the time, but the urgency in the message forced me to Seek God. I’m very grateful for everything.

 

I surrender to God everything. I’m tired of walking around in the Wilderness. I come to realize just what God has been telling me for as long as I can remember, I can’t get attached to anyone. I’m to be moving at all times. Yesterday my best male friend called me, and he was telling me about whats going on with him and his girlfriend. I listened, Ministered to him, and I heard God say…….. okay Lacrease cut it short. Cause see I’ll stay on the phone with him, and then our conversation will end up all over the place. I’m learning to keep it pushing. Its hard when you’re friendly and don’t mind talking while holding their hand. As I’m learning to “keep in moving”, I can use my energy to reach others. I love talking to people, but I’m learning it has to be Ministry Minded only. I can no longer stop and chill, I have to keep rolling. I talk with so  many different people, on so many different things, and it can drain me sometimes, so the idle chat……must stop. I have to accept the fact, that I can’t go with the flow of everyone else. I always knew this tho. Maybe that’s why I have the best sisters in the world!!! Yea!!! LOL. 

 

 Anyway, it’s almost time to fly  to Atlanta!!! Next Thursday morning, I’m outta here!! I gotta hit me a Jazz Club when I get there. I wanna hear me some Live music, with some grown folks ONLY! I’m not ready for the heat, but thinking about it, its hot here in Detroit. I guess I’ll be aiight. I’m mostly excited about my mom seeing Atlanta, for the first time. I’m trying to get her to move there with me. I’ll see how she feels about it when she gets there. hehehe. I’ve been wanting to move there for 17-18 years. Can’t wait to see how this plays out. I’m also waiting to see what Blessings will flow for me.

 

Hmmmmmm. Lakers won Ughh……  Congratulations to them! I’m sleepy, so I’m off to bed!! More tomorrow.

 

Cree

Imagine Me 7

 

Praise God for another day!!!

 

I was off today, went to the grocery store, took care of all my last minute business for my trip to Atlanta next week. Everything was going good.

 

Tonight, as I was perming my hair, Neisha came in the bathroom to talk to me. We talked about that Saturday morning that lead to all of this. She said that she was sleep, and that God woke her up out of her sleep, and told her to go in my office and see about me. I remember so clear when she came in here, she had this * momma what are you doing look on her face*, and when she went to ask me, I threw up my finger and said ONE MINUTE  Neisha. She said what ever I was doing, she knew it wasnt right. So, she pulled out her Ipod, and read all my emails, coming in and going out. She didn’t talk to me that whole day, but I was too “blind” to notice or  even care. She was soooo mad at me. Tonight is the night she could actually talk about it. And the bad part about all of this, she saw all of it coming. Everything she said would happen….  HAPPENED.  Why am I just realizing this?

 

  

I’m just so embarrassed, and so depressed right now.

 

Imagine Me 6 (My Story )

 

Thank you Jesus for a great day!! Thank you Lord, Thank you!!!

 

  Even though , there are still questions I have in my mind. Don’t know WHEN they will get answered. But I’m going to write them in email, and hopefully soon I will. Today, I was thinking about so many things concerning both of my Ministries and I truly believe that everything that happened, was for a reason. I can live with that, I am  listening and  have stepped back from EVERYONE.

 

 I’m getting it together.

 

 

 Cree

 

Imagine Me 5 ( My Story)

 

 

Praise God for a new day. Thank you Jesus for loving me. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

 I woke up this morning looking RUFF! Eyes, face, just everything out-of-place for me. But that’s alright, that’s alright, this is the Wilderness, and its suppose to be this way.

Today, I decided that I was going to put on some clothes and  get my nails and brows done. My nail tech wasnt in, but his wife did my brows. That’s a start to getting myself back together.

 

 

My dad called and asked me if I could take him to the grocery store. I know too that was God.  We never got alone all while I was growing up, and once I got older and wasnt in his home, it kinda got easy to the point that I didn’t want to see him as often. Me and my dad are so much alike, seems like the older he gets the BETTER we get alone. I was happy to be in his presence today. Oh goodness. I’m about to cry ……

 

 

He went into the grocery store, but I sat in the car. I listened to my “breakthrough” songs, My Story, and Imagine Me. When I looked over and saw this  couple about to cross the street with their 2 young children. As they approached the curb, the dad reached down and picked up his son. He was a big boy, but still his dad picked him up. As they got to the other side, I was looking to see if he would put him down, because he was out of harms way. But he didn’t…… he kept him on his hip and disappeared down the block. Thats how God is with me/us. He picks us up and carries us, and even when he COULD put us down because we are out of harms way…….. he still carries us……. I bust out crying. I couldn’t stop crying today as I sat in the car thinking about this whole thing. I’m so blessed! Thank you Jesus!

 

 

Ever since I was a young gurl, I knew I was different. I knew it. But I didn’t know in what way. I use to spend whole Summers on the punishment, upstairs in my HOT bedroom.  While all the other kids were outside playing, I was in my room. Thats where I learned about God . I would read the bible day in and day out.  I would pray for Wisdom, Knowledge, and Understanding everyday. Ahhh, bless my young heart! Not knowing what came with it. I was never popular in High School. When I started working, people would always come to me for advice. I would cook, and invite my gurls over and we would have gurls night, and chat about our issues. They loved that. No matter if you were my friend or not, if you were wrong I would tell you, and I think thats what people loved about me.

 

 

But as I got in my 20’s people would start to drain me. Wanting to be over my house all day and night just to talk. If my phone wasnt ringing, and my couch wasnt full, I was somewhere talking to someone trying to help them get their lives in order. All while they were all draining me Spiritually.

 

 

  

God keep telling me all through my years of living,….. La’Crease where you are going………… everybody can’t ride. I understand you are nice, you are kind, but everybody can’t ride in the same car as you. Okay, I’m about to cry again……. I never understood that. To this day, I keep hearing it. I still hear it. Where am I going? I so want to know. I know that I am supposed to pass through the lives of others, but not to sit there to long. I get caught up in their lives and have to do this and that with them. All of that is okay, but I can’t sit too long. I find myself getting idle and that’s not good. I made up my mind to ride solo. God has my undivided attention this way at all times. People drain me, and I am on the move again. I have to be. I don’t want another whopping like this one. LOL Before all this. I had just written a blog entry on this called Geesh. All of this is Confirmation for me.

 

 

I’m going back to the Detroit River on Tuesday ( my off day). And I want all God has for me. I want to hear everything. I just can’t believe how much I have learned just by “clearing my mind”.

 

Lord, Im feeling something in my stomach right now. Just as I wrote “clearing my mind”. Make this clear to me. What is this? Wow this is deep. Gotta go. OMG!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

My Story ( Imagine Me 4)

Woke up this morning…. feeling SO GOOD! I slept good for the first time in a few weeks. I went to the bathroom and my eyes didn’t have that dead look in them. I have been crying for days… trying to find my way through this wilderness. Don’t feel like getting my nails, lashes or brows done. I’m just here. lol I don’t mind. I’ve been Summons and I am listening.

 

I-94 straight to work this morning bumping “MY STORY” by Marvin Winans, Praising God, crying ( yeah Imma cry baby) and just thinking about how God bought all this together. I have written 15 pages by hand of my Testimony. Its  MIND BLOWING! Everytime I think about how this started, and end up being all about God is amazing to me.

 

 

I’m walking to the time clock, feeling so good. Havent had this feeling in a while. I’m smiling, and people are looking at me like a “lamp” just crossed their paths. When days before I was a walking “zombie” ( Neishia’s words), just here. I’m working, thinking about how good God is to me, and how he loves me. I admit I can be a HANDFUL ( smile) especially when I don’t understand something. Then my eyes watered up, it overwhelmed me. I zoned out.

 

 

Then…..

 

 

 This lady came through my line. Never before seen her in my life. The store was CROWDED (it’s Saturday). But for some reason she was the only one in my line. We spoke… and OUT THE BLUE, she started talking about ME being on the fence. She said GET OFF THE FENCE. She said God is telling me to tell YOU to get off the fence, either you’re over here, or you’re over there. I looked at her and water filled my eyes. She kept talking about ME being on the fence. Then she said, that’s it. God is telling me to be quiet. God is telling me to be quiet. Then she looked up to the sky to God and she said okay Lord… I’ll be quiet. At this time, I’m looking at her so intense, like I need more. But at the same time, I’m saying please God don’t let my tears fall. Please don’t let them fall. Just then she said….. you are running, I see you running. God said to stop running, you have work to complete, only you can do this. You have been running and running. She said,  you have a MINISTRY, I SEE A MINISTRY, you are running from your Ministry!!!! I’m staring at her saying to myself A Ministry? Then it clicked in my head. I put my Ministry on the back burner, hadn’t even thought about it in God knows how long. My Raisingurls. While I’m thinking about how I got so far away from my Ministry, she said this: Seek first the kingdom of God and  his righteousness and all these things will be given to you . I lost it. I couldn’t hold it any longer. I cried and cried, and cried and cried, and cried. Right there at my register. I didn’t care who was looking. She told me to  give her a hug, and then she started praying for me. I cried all on her shoulders and arms. I lost it. That was the only Scripture she said to me. After she prayed for me, she said, she had to go. My coworkers everybody was asking … Cree are you okay?  Are you okay Cree? They just don’t know how real God is. I got myself together and I couldn’t stop thinking about everything that has happened this last past month. She was the 4th person to speak that same Scripture to me in less than 2 months. All but one was a stranger.

 

The part that bothers me about myself is……. how God told my brother to STOP doing what he’s doing in his BUSY LIFE, to go OUT TO SEA and  get ME.  GOD said to him….. ” Go and get your Sister” she’s drowning, and only You can reach her. She’s in the middle of the sea. “GO GET HER”!!! I kicked and fought with him too.  Day in and day out, until he finally  said : I’m not doing this with you. 

 

I feel so terrible, and don’t know at this point if he’ll have anything else to do with me.  I pray that God keeps us seperated  until HE (God) says we can speak again. God  said I’ll handle her from here…. You go on and do your work .  My brother had his own personal  reasons to see me too. SMH @ myself.  So embarrassed. So ashamed, can’t even look at ANYTHING concerning him. I’m always the one to Minister to everyone. I’m thinking all this time, I’m in his life to Minister to him, but he end up coming to Minister to me. SMH again. 

 

 

There’s so much more to my Testimony, it can NEVER  be written here…..but in self-addressed emails to myself.

 

There’s still more God wants me to know…….. I feel it.

 

I lost a total of 14 pds working out and changing the way I eat.

 

  

 

 “Tho I walk this lonely road ( by myself)

Back home is where I gotta go

If I can make it there, I know,that all is right”

 

 

“Uncertain of how I’ll be received

but a Servants job is enough for me

Bottom line, I gotta be where I am free”.

 

 

“Here comes my help

Here comes my way out

And now I find, the peace of mind, I knew before”

 

 

“He is my help

He is my way out

Oh happy day, I’m here to stay,  forever more.” ~  My Story~ Marvin Winans