Month: September 2007

Hey,

Work was cool today. Thank you Jesus. It was one lady who tried to work me out but it didn\’t work, all I kept thinking was “Let it go” Let it go”. LOL.

Today I wanted to talk about an integrity issue. As you all know I work for Walmart, and I have to be honest here, back in my early 20’s I use to work for a drug store, and I was not an honest cashier. I started off working and paying for my things just like the next person. I don’t remember how or what made me start stealing, but once I started, I couldn\’t stop. As a matter of fact my issue of stealing got bigger and bigger, and before it was over……I was called to the office, and pressed to confess. That was the last time I ever stole anything in my life.

I was a cosmetics coordinator, trusted by everyone. When they found out that I was stealing, they were in shock, jaws dropped, I was ashamed and embarrassed as lost prevention told me to leave the store and never return again. (Reminds of me Adam and Eve) I have never stolen anything from anyone, but my reason then was that the store was rich and they could afford it. Lame I know!!!

When I saw Judy, @ Walmart, the gurl who worked side by side with me at the drug store. I was feeling funny, cause I know, I hurt her. I know I did. But for some reason, I wanted to let her know that I am not the same person that I was 11 years ago. I bet she probably wasn’t even thinking about that stuff. But I was, and I’m glad that my daddy ( God) know that I am not that same person anymore, and I don’t have to stress about who knows what about how I use to be. No matter what, I still feel as though I owe her a personal apology. Just for the fact that I know, she trusted me and never expected this reason for me being fired. I will probably feel that way, until I can tell her that face to face.

Which leads me to my growth and employment at Walmart. Ive been there for 4 years, and I/have never stolen anything…ever. I don’t even think about it. I know I’ve been changed. God has blessed me so dearly that I could never steal anything from anyone. People at my job trust me, and I will never do anything to jeopardize that again. Its funny that I mention this, because people come through my line, see my friendly face, and think that they can bribe me. I just shake my head, they have no idea that I’m looking for someone to apologize to someone for the theft I did 11 years ago. Please! They change sticker prices and expect me to honor it. I can’t, it’s something inside of me that can’t let this slide anymore. I know it’s God, that stuff does not belong to me. There is nothing you can say to get me to do anything against Wal-Mart especially when it comes to THEIR merchandise. That stuff does not belong to me, they hired me to be the accountant of their money, and I’m going to do just that. When people say to me ( guess to test me), just put that in the bag, let me have it, mark that down for me.. I say to them, I can give you anything that belongs to me if you ask, but not Wal-Mart’s. I told several customers they can call the 1-800 Wal-Mart number and ask one of Sam’s sons if they can have it. They laugh because they feel where I am coming from…………and plus I’m silly.

I have everything in my home/life that I could ever ask for, and MORE! Those days of stealing are over for me, and I thank God for all that I have learned . I’m so gone from my ways, that its not even about “getting fired” any more. Its\’ about what is God going to say to me at night when I’m alone? What is God feeling about what I did? It’s about the trust he has for me. It’s about what price will I have to be punished by? And as far as I can see, aint nothing in this world that good, for me to have to go home and face God on the same charges. NOPE, can’t even do it.

Guess, I’m saying in this entry is, if you are in charge of children, treat them well. If it is the elderly, watch over them. If God put you in charge of teens, take care of them too. If it’s over expensive merchandise, watch over it as your own. If its someone’s home, make sure you are keeping it clean. When people trust you, and you have proven that you are trust worthy. It will take you a long way.

I’m off to bed, Good night

Cree

Hey ((((waving))))

How was your weekend? Mines was good. Me and my 2 co workers went to dinner tonight, we sat and laugh for almost 4 hours. That\’s a long time. I bet the guy who did our table was like \”dang when are they leaving\”. For $21.00 a person, sho won\’t be in an hour. LOL My sister Yolanda wanted to go to the movies with her husband, so that was cool, and my other sister came home from work late and was looking for her dog. Which brings me to this story. She pulled up in my drive way and I could tell something was wrong as I walked to her truck. She let her miniature Doberman outside @ 4:00am to use the bathroom, but instead of my sister putting her on the chain, she was sleepy and went back to lay down. Normally foo foo would bark, scratch, or wait on the porch until they open the door to get her. Well, this morning when my sister woke up, she realized that foo foo was still outside and went to go let her in, but she wasn\’t there. My sister went to work, and got a call that she still hadn\’t returned. Foo foo is my baby. I love that \”little gurl\”. I call her my niece. When my sister told me that she was out looking for her, I instantly wanted to cry. She saw it in my eyes. I didn\’t even want to talk about it anymore. I told Neisha she is so sad, I took her back to school today, and she was quiet. She spent a lot of time with Foo foo, when she would go over to see my sister and her cousins, Foo foo would have a fit if Neisha didn\’t show her some love first. Foo foo is a dog that thinks she\’s a person. If you sit on the couch, and decide to get up, when you get back Foo foo is going to be sitting in your spot. And if you try to move her, she is going to growl, and show her teeth, knowing doggone well she won\’t hurt a fly. I\’m praying for her return, she has never ever left like this. If she leaves, she\’ll come home within a few hours. I love her so much, I just don\’t know what to say. I feel like crying. I\’m sad.

Tomorrow is another workday 11-8. I\’m going to knock these hours out, come home take a nap, and brainstorm for my gurls group.

I know I\’m rambling, but I learned something new about myself today. I have got to STOP being so motherly to Neisha. She is grown, on her own and in school doing her thang. Tonight while unloading the car @ her school, because she came home this weekend. These 2 guys were walking pass, staring at her, he was STARING, out the blue he said, hey do you have a boyfriend with your fine self\’? I looked at him, I said boo, I\’m her mother, how are you gon just say that to her in front of me? He goes \”Oh I\’m sorry I didn\’t know you were her mother. So, I\’m like its okay boo, but YEAHA I\’M HER MOMMA. Neisha smiled and we went into the building to her room. After a while I saw her laughing trying not to let me see. I laughed too and said Neisha why are you laughing? She said \”ma, I\’m thinking about what you said to that guy on the way up. So, I\’m thinking to myself, I need to back off and let herhandle things her own way. I can tell maybe I caught all of them off guard. She said momma you want to look young those other days, LOL but this time you let him know you are my momma. ROFL!! Im like sho did!! Boy, I tell ya, your kids get grown and move out, then you find yourself still being their \”momma\”. I gotta \”Let it go\”.

See, I already feel that God has me in this season of \”Let it go\”! I feel it. I know it.There has been too many situations LATELY, where God has me seeing things, and having me to be quiet, to not ask questions. He\’s teaching me to \”Let it Go\”. When my sister told me that Foo foo was lost, I asked her how come you didn\’t put her on the chain, she said cause she was sleepy. I was about to get upset, I had to turn my head and look down the street.I heard God say \”Let it go\”. I\’m like I can\’t let this go, he said, you got too, cause there is nothing YOU can do about it. I went in the house and sat down. When Im on Tyler Perry\’s message board, and those people start posting mean stuff and going back and forth, I get upset for a mintue. I love him, they can\’t be disrespecting his message board. But when/if I respond, I realize that Im adding to what I dont like. So lately, I havent been responding, just \”Letting it go.\” It feels kinda good, to turn my head and know that its out of my hands, for once I feel as if I DONT have to \”handle it\”. Being the oldest is a trip sometimes. Still trying to look out of others.

My friend Kiki was suppose to go to dinner with us.( My friend is a DRAMA QUEEN TO THE 1000TH POWER! Imma share one of her outlandish stories on another day. Yall are going to die when I tell this!!!!) It was after 4 and time to go, so she says well I\’m not going, I\’m full. I said what you mean you\’re full? She said I just finish eating. I said Kiki why would you eat, and its time to go to dinner? She said cause I was hungry. See my friend is crazy like that, she kills me with that nonchalant attitude. I laugh when she tell me stories of how she be doing to other people ( nothing bad), but next time I\’ll have to pull out my nun chucks when she does me like that. I wanted to go through the phone and pull her teeth out in the back ( she need her front ones). That\’s how upset she made me. I heard God say…………Lacrease \”Let it Go\”. I said alright gurl, let me get off this phone, and I\’ll talk to you later. (that\’s my get off the phone sentence when I\’m mad LOL) I hung up.

Oh let me go back to Neisha ( Neisha\’s dorm). So we gets up to her room, where she share with one other gurl. Her roommate has a boyfriend who goes to Wayne State as well. Well, I guess he doesn\’t have a room on campus, so she moves him in with them, and now its 3 to a room!!! You know I\’m pissed off right? That room cost OVER $6,000 for 8 MONTHS and this gurl moved her man up in there. Neisha being the person she is () saying that she can stick it out until May of next year, and that this is a learning experience for her, which is good, but this gurl is clearly out of order!!! Yall know I want to go \”Madea\” on her and \”GET HER GURL\”. But you know what? God told me tonight…… \”Let it go\”. If Neisha is cool with it, then I should be. When Neisha gets feed up with him being there, without him paying not one dime, that\’s cool with me. She has to live there. At least she has her own private room, with a lock and key. She said that this has been a learning experience, so I\’m cool with the fact that she WILL speak up if she needs too, and that she is learning something about people. There comes a time when you have to let you child learn on their own. Couldn\’t be me, that\’s all I gotta say. Couldn\’t be me!!!!

I\’m on my way to bed, I had only 3 hours of sleep last night, I don\’t know why I\’m not in bed yet. Guess I need to get this off my chest.

Cree

Today was a good day for me at work this evening. Thank you Jesus!!! I am doing so well and Im very proud of my self. I realized that I may have been apart of my own problem I have had with the customers. When I’m not feeling them, they can sense it, so maybe that’s why I wasn’t doing well with them at one time. Lately, I have been patient, caring, sincere, and very friendly. I pray before I go to work, my drive there is always so good, and walking in the building isn’t so bad anymore. I changed my whole way of thinking when it comes to people, no matter what they do, or say to me, my last words are always “have a nice day.”

I miss my gurls group. I talk with some of the gurls all the time. I miss them so much. They keep asking me, when are you getting the group back together, and the answer is soon. Right now, its taking time, because I want things to be right, I don’t want things to end like it did before. Things were happening so fast, the group was growing, and I wasn’t ready for all that! LOL I say that in a funny/good way because when I say it took off, it took off. This time things will be different, less gurls , because I want to have more one on one time with them. They need me, and when it is a lot of gurls in the group, the ones that don’t talk much, or participate less are the ones I need to reach. It got to be very expensive, and as I look back on that, I had way enough money to care for 25-27 gurls. You know it was God because it sure wasn’t me!!! We never lacked for anything, God always made sure that we were taken care of. They miss me so much. I ask myself how did I let this happen? Why did things have to end, what happen to my passion for this. Things did happen to turn me off, but this was my vision, something I saw years and years ago, and I let it get away from me…….over night. But you know what? My chance is coming back, and this time……… I will be here to stay. God is going to give me a second chance. I feel it, this thing is back in my spirit. My heartbeat is coming back, my drive and so is my motivation. I’m excited!!!!!!!!!!

Im closing for now, I got to get up in the morning, plus me and my coworkers are going out to dinner this afternoon @ 5pm to get our chew on!!! Oh did I tell yall, that I had bought me some cute Khaki pants to wear as part of our uniform at work. Well, I couldn’t get my hips in them, but they were too cute to pass up, even though they cost a bit more, I had to have them. Got them home and tried them on, they were a hot mess on me. They couldn’t button, nowhere near half way. So I put them back into the bag. Here it is 3 months later, and I hear God say out of the blue, try on those pants. So, I’m like oh ok, cool. I tried them on and BAM!!! I was in them babies!! Whatchasay? I was so happy and prancing in the mirror. Then I heard this “hater” voice say, you didn’t lose weight, you could fit them all the time. I said oh noooooooooooooooooo, don’t even try it. Old trickster tried to tell me, I was already fitting into them. Like saying those excercises didnt work……he lied!!! Naw, Im going to get all the credit due me, on losing that weight. OOOO I’ll tell ya.

Well, Im going to close now, got a nice day ahead of me, and Im so sleepy. I love you all and I will write tomorrow.

Cree

Since Sept 11, I have been thinking about \”me and my big mouth\” as Joyce Meyer would say. That\’s my other issue. Sometimes when I\’m upset or have over analyzed something, I will write without thinking about how bad the email/message sound. And as always I will wake up the next morning, FEELING GOOD and have forgotten all about the message and the impact if may have had on that person, when I\’m willing to apologize and make amends, not to mention have a total different attitude about the situation and regret that I even SENT the email the other person is looking at me like………….WE AIN\’T EVEN COOL LIKE NO MO………. BOO! Its one thing for me to think it in my mind, write it out, send it to my self, or delete it, but its another to send it out to that person. And as usual the effect it has on the person……….is all my fault.

Don\’t get me wrong at all. I am a sweet person. I love people and will do anything for them. I have a lot of friends, and I find myself praying for others, and listening to them cry, talk, laugh into the wee hours of the night. And I love it. But one thing people ( those who don\’t know me well) find me to be brutally honest. I\’m sorry, I don\’t hold back punches. I ask hard questions because I think that it makes people self examine themselves. I do this to myself all the time, when I don\’t have anyone to talk too. People who know me knows that I hold back no punches, and I don\’t sugar coat anything. When you tell me something, its between me and you. You don\’t ever have to worry about me telling your business. I don\’t like anyone telling my business, and so I give my friends the same respect. I have people in my life right now, who feel they can\’t trust me, because I \”keep secrets\”. That hurt my feelings so bad, but if it was them, they would want me to keep theirs too.

People feel that a person who asks a lot of questions are people who are noisy and tell other people\’s business. I shake my head at them, cause YOU think you know ME, but you have no idea. Get to know me. Call me talk to me…….Lacrease, and see who I am in person. Yeah, writing is good, but talk to me over the phone, meet me somewhere, get to know who I am. Then I\’ll have to spend the rest of our friendship with you saying, you were right!! LOL.

I say I\’m brutally honest because I just can\’t stand to spend 20 -30 minutes on one conversation, when I can ask you 5-7 cut throat questions and then you will know your answer for yourself. My true friends love me for it, but for those getting to know me, well……….they are learning. Sometimes I have to laugh at myself, because I can over do my \”honesty\” and cause people to look at me with death in their eyes.

Yesterday at work, I was working the 20 items or less lane. Now, when I\’m working this lane, its 20 items or less, so I like to treat it as one. So there are 3 bag holders on this lane, so when the lady went to grab her bags, she didn\’t want to look for them, she only wanted me to tell how her many bags she had. So I said ma\’am, there are only 3 holders!!! She laugh and said O. LOL

Sometimes, I feel that I do need to tone it down, and try not to be SO CUT THROAT. Some people really can\’t take it or maybe not use to hearing the truth in their faces…….. FULL FORCE.

My God sister called me and asked me what should she do, because she met back up with this guy she had a crush on when they were teens. He want to \”kick it\” with her.

I said :

1. You are married!!! I\’m not about to AMEN a situation for YOU just because you USED to have a crush on him and he\’s back in the picture. God will never get me for YOU!
2. Ask yourself, how would you feel if your husband met back up with someone whom he had a crush with when he was in his teens?
3. Ask yourself, if your husband found out, knowing you know everything about him and his ways, what would he do?
4. Would your marriage survive if your husband knew?
5. How would you treat your husband, when you look into his eyes, hear his voice over the phone, and KNOW that he doesn\’t know your secret? With guilt, or with Love?
6. Ask yourself, are you the kind of person who take things out on your husband, getting mad and acting funny, just because you are doing wrong? Ask yourself, is that fair.

The reason why I ask these questions, is because I believe with all my heart that God gave me the gift to understand the seriousness of the consequences for our actions. I also know that we can\’t \”sweep things under the rug\” all the time either, its going to come out one day, and your \”credit\” is going to be on the line. I hate to see people fall, and get caught up in a jam just because of something that was prolong. OOOOOO it kills me. Somethings you don\’t have to bring up, somethings are self explanatory, some things you may need to go into detail. But you have to make sure that its the right things. And by you being my friend, don\’t get mad when I get mad because people are attacking you because you are not
answering the questions. You are my friend, and yes, I\’m asking you first, cause I\’m your friend, cause when \”they\” get to you………….ain\’t gone be nothing nice!!! So what they don\’t want to hear the reason why you didn\’t/did do something, just say something. Did I lose y\’all? Haaaaaaaa. let me take 5. Be back!

I\’m like this with everyone I communicate with. And guess what? I only want friends who are like wise. I know how to talk to people, so I start asking God………..OK are they mad at me because of my questions? Is it because of how I say it? Is it because of the way I word it? Is it because they don\’t want to answer them because it challenges them to THINK deeply about the situation? Do they feel that I\’m being a smart mouth? Lord, why do people get upset about questions like these? I dunno.

Listen, I\’m going to close this out. I will be back tomorrow.

Lacrease

I am constantly self evaluating and checking myself cause I know that I can come across as judgemental when really I am just passionate about a certain subject. Those that have taken the time to get to really get to know me know that.~~ The QUEEN