I was talking to my Male BFF and he was telling me about his relationship with his on and off again gurlfriend of 8 years. He introduced me to her soon as they met, and I really like her a lot. She’s a very nice gurl. She in boxed me yesterday, told me that he told her that we had a conversation about their relationship. She asked me for some advice. Of course he called me the next day asking what advice did I give her. LOL * and you know I told him everything*
I love my Male BFF, but baby when I say he’s selfish….. BELIEVE it. He has a great job as a truck driver, he LOVES his kids, was married when he had them * still not divorced* has his own place, doing very good. As long as I’ve been knowing him, he’s never had an attitude, yes he gets angry, but it only last as long as he tells the story. He’s a great person. But he’s selfish, and that’s tearing their relationship apart. I told her when she first met him this is his only issue, anything else is workable.
She’s fed up with his selfishness, and he’s fed up with her attitude. Her attitude comes from him being selfish. My advice to her was, and I want every person reading this to get it……at some point in your life, you cannot keep expecting someone to change when they have shown you * in this case 8 years* who they are in this area. This is who he is. Maybe he doesn’t see it, maybe he doesn’t agree with it, maybe he feels that since he’s a good person in all other areas * he is* that this is the one area he doesn’t want to compromise in. I told her that she CANNOT go on breaking it off, then getting together again. At some point, this gets tiring. I told her that she cannot expect for him to make a decision on what to do about their relationship… SHE HAS TO DECIDE IF THIS IS THE MAN SHE WANTS TO BE WITH. Of course he’s going to call you for sex, of course he wants to see you, of course he wants to be around you,.. but you have to make a decision with your LIFE.
When I was with my daughters dad, I was always expecting him to SAY with his MOUTH…. that we are not together. We were still having sex, he would come over and be with us all day, he would help me out whenever I needed him, we did things as if we were a couple. But when he showed me in other areas of himself that bothered me, I thought…. I’m not feeling this, and when I told him about it, I always left it up to him to decide our next level. Mann… after I realize that he could “live like that with me” FOREVER and that he didn’t have to explain anything to me, it was for me to ((((FIGURE OUT)))) I was done with him.
He had me, other women, and everything else he had built. I always felt that communication was a way of expressing how you felt. Even if we were going to be together or not. But I realize that men don’t always express themselves, they kinda “hope” that women get it. I’m not the kind of person who gets (((subliminal))) messages either. I put an end to those kinds of people who does it, trying to figure out their mess, because they had insecurities, doubt and fears of relaying a message. Subliminal messages PISSES me off to no end. At age 46 I refuse to sit up with a pen and paper and try to decipher what you’re saying. I’M NOT DOING THAT… AT ALL PERIOD… I’m not praying over it, I’m not calling people to help me figure it out, I’m not pulling out books, not calling people with Doctrine Degrees, I’m not doing any of that. You have to tell me in writing or in person exactly what you mean. The reason why, is because that’s the language I speak to others. I like to express the truth. Best thing is… I have learned to say things in a way that people “get it”, and my tone of voice is shared in a way where they’re not offended. When people ask for my advice I don’t give them 20 minutes of talk, I say what I have to say, and get right to the point. You want the person to “get it”.
Getting back to my story. I told her that she has to make a choice. We are in our 40’s, we don’t have time to go be on again and off again in a relationship. You know what you want, what you need, and what you would and wont put up with. I said don’t sit up and wait on him to make the choice for you. If you’re not happy ((( they’re both not))) keep it moving. People are scared to keep it moving these days. They don’t want to be alone. They feel that if they have invested many years in a relationship, why give it up now, even though its not working out. Women has this bad. We have to know what we want up front, and if we are not getting that, we have to be able to move on. Its Okay. Never wait for any man, situation to knock you down, before you decide (((this is NOT working))))) for me. Know what you want….. and if you’re not getting it…… KEEP IT MOVING. (((in my favorite words….. THIS TRAIN IS MOVING)))
Where works of the flesh exists, there is NO joy