Tag: Love

Posted on

Secrets, Facebook, Millionaire, and Anger Issues….Cree’s Blog Entry

excuse meI’m very proud of myself….. I’ve been doing really good with my ANGER issues. I’m working so, so hard to just learn to fall back, and not speak a word, especially when its not important. I learned that my issue is not having an attitude in the morning, or when I walk into a room… mine come in on STUPID ISH. For example. I was driving the other night from a movie, and there was a Detroit Tigers game that had just let out, and while WE had the GREEN light, people were still walking across the street like THEY HAD THE RIGHT AWAY. Okay, so I’m cool with it, then after while, people just kept on coming and “we” who had the right away….. was like okay nah…. we about to start driving… it is a green light for us. As I’m inching in letting the people know… this light is not going to stay green forever, I’m about to start driving.. this white dude… staring at me like… “YOU BETTA NOT HIT ME”… Lawd…. why did I have to see that look on his face? AND ITS MY TURN TO DRIVE THROUGH THE GREEN LIGHT!!!! I just started praying, I was about to lay on the horn for 30 minutes… LOL I just let God talk me out of it. This is the kinds of things I go through with being Angry. I NEVER fall out with family or friends… never have attitudes, never act funny to people… its other people and their ignorance that sends me over the top. But I’ve been doing good for the last 2 weeks or so. Trying not to have “ANGER stories to tell”. Trying to get up to ZERO STORIES.

I was sitting up thinking about how if we had Facebook back in the day when I was in my 20’s…. what would MY stats be? LOL LOL LOL Baaaaaby… it would probably read…”Had a party last night at my house, and when the morning came, my sister friend was laying in the drive way sleep”. ” One of my boos was ova, he wasn’t talking about nothing, so when the phone rang and it was my other boo, I pretended to have a headache and made home boy leave.” LOL On my way to Watts Club Mozambique *male dancers* to see my baby Ace Lee” “Got my gurls ova, we bout to talk ish over spades and down 1800, absolute, and Henny”. ” Walked up in the club looking good, banging body, hair laid, and all the men looking at me.”  LOL Thank God, we didn’t have that mess, I can save some of my drama and foolishness LOL LOL for the world to see. HAHAHAHAHA… those kids can have it… I only use it to uplift. I think that’s why I can relate to so many people, is because I know and remember the person I use to be, and so when I see young people behaving the same way…. I don’t JUDGE them. I try to help them. I have a lot of young gurls from my old job, and they listens to me. They have to have their day where they’re foolish, so when I speak to them I try to let them see another light of it. The sooner you come out of your foolishness, the sooner you can get on with God’s plan for your life.

I watched about 4 Secret Millionaire episodes this past week, and they were so good….. had me crying like a baby. If I ever got rich or have a husband who is, I’m going to spend his money giving it away. I will volunteer for the rest of my life to helping teens, women, and the elderly. So many of our young people need help. One day I had group meetings with students at work, and I was so shocked to hear how many kids who have foster parents. Even the grandmothers are either dead, or can’t be there for them. I think a lot of people from my generation were on drugs, and sexually abused. It was so many rapes going on in my days of being a teen, and some of these women never recovered. Everything is a dang ole secret now a days… PISSES ME OFF. I HATE SECRETS. HATE THEM WITH A PASSION. These grandmothers raising their grand kids with all this LOVE, they should have shown their daughters when they were growing up. Now the daughter lost her way, and the grandmother is not telling the whole story to anyone or the grand kids about why her daughter cant MENTALLY raise her own kids. The daughter has been raped, molested, exposed to drugs, didn’t have a father at home, was left to find food for her siblings…. all kinds of stuff. I’ve seen it first hand… and after all these years.. it angers me to know this story about my friend. Anyway…. let me get off this subject.

Be Blessed

Where works of the flesh exists, there is NO joy
Posted on

Relationship Choices….Cree’s Blog Entry

ImageI was talking to my Male BFF and he was telling me about his relationship with his on and off again gurlfriend of 8 years. He introduced me to her soon as they met, and I really like her a lot. She’s a very nice gurl. She in boxed me yesterday, told me that he told her that we had a conversation about their relationship. She asked me for some advice. Of course he called me the next day asking what advice did I give her. LOL * and you know I told him everything*
 
 
I love my Male BFF, but baby when I say he’s selfish….. BELIEVE it. He has a great job as a truck driver, he LOVES his kids, was married when he had them * still not divorced* has his own place, doing very good. As long as I’ve been knowing him, he’s never had an attitude, yes he gets angry, but it only last as long as he tells the story. He’s a great person. But he’s selfish, and that’s tearing their relationship apart. I told her when she first met him this is his only issue, anything else is workable.
 
 
She’s fed up with his selfishness, and he’s fed up with her attitude. Her attitude comes from him being selfish. My advice to her was, and I want every person reading this to get it……at some point in your life, you cannot keep expecting someone to change when they have shown you * in this case 8 years* who they are in this area. This is who he is. Maybe he doesn’t see it, maybe he doesn’t agree with it, maybe he feels that since he’s a good person in all other areas * he is* that this is the one area he doesn’t want to compromise in. I told her that she CANNOT go on breaking it off, then getting together again. At some point, this gets tiring. I told her that she cannot expect for him to make a decision on what to do about their relationship… SHE HAS TO DECIDE IF THIS IS THE MAN SHE WANTS TO BE WITH. Of course he’s going to call you for sex, of course he wants to see you, of course he wants to be around you,.. but you have to make a decision with your LIFE.
 
 
When I was with my daughters dad, I was always expecting him to SAY with his MOUTH…. that we are not together. We were still having sex, he would come over and be with us all day, he would help me out whenever I needed him, we did things as if we were a couple. But when he showed me in other areas of himself that bothered me, I thought…. I’m not feeling this, and when I told him about it, I always left it up to him to decide our next level. Mann… after I realize that he could “live like that with me” FOREVER and that he didn’t have to explain anything to me, it was for me to ((((FIGURE OUT)))) I was done with him.
 
 
He had me, other women, and everything else he had built. I always felt that communication was a way of expressing how you felt. Even if we were going to be together or not. But I realize that men don’t always express themselves, they kinda “hope” that women get it. I’m not the kind of person who gets (((subliminal))) messages either. I put an end to those kinds of people who does it, trying to figure out their mess, because they had insecurities, doubt and fears of relaying a message. Subliminal messages PISSES me off to no end. At age 46 I refuse to sit up with a pen and paper and try to decipher what you’re saying. I’M NOT DOING THAT… AT ALL PERIOD… I’m not praying over it, I’m not calling people to help me figure it out, I’m not pulling out books, not calling people with Doctrine Degrees, I’m not doing any of that. You have to tell me in writing or in person exactly what you mean. The reason why, is because that’s the language I speak to others. I like to express the truth. Best thing is… I have learned to say things in a way that people “get it”, and my tone of voice is shared in a way where they’re not offended. When people ask for my advice I don’t give them 20 minutes of talk, I say what I have to say, and get right to the point. You want the person to “get it”.
 
 
Getting back to my story. I told her that she has to make a choice. We are in our 40’s, we don’t have time to go be on again and off again in a relationship. You know what you want, what you need, and what you would and wont put up with. I said don’t sit up and wait on him to make the choice for you. If you’re not happy ((( they’re both not))) keep it moving. People are scared to keep it moving these days. They don’t want to be alone. They feel that if they have invested many years in a relationship, why give it up now, even though its not working out. Women has this bad. We have to know what we want up front, and if we are not getting that, we have to be able to move on. Its Okay. Never wait for any man, situation to knock you down, before you decide (((this is NOT working))))) for me. Know what you want….. and if you’re not getting it…… KEEP IT MOVING. (((in my favorite words….. THIS TRAIN IS MOVING)))
 
 
 
Where works of the flesh exists, there is NO joy
Posted on

Temptation…….. Cree’s Blog Entry

ImageUmm…. sitting up here watching Tyler Perry’s Temptation. It’s causing me to think about my own self.
 
 
Yesterday I was talking to someone, ….we always talk. I guess I was feeling “some kinda way”, (((and didn’t know it))) in the middle of his conversation.. I started looking at his lips, and his body, and I guess my eyes started dilating. LOL AND HE SAW IT!!! He stopped and said… ” look at you lushing”. Just then I snapped out of it. I was actually in the middle of a mental movie. So EMBARRASSED. Its really something how men can see this in a woman, when we really don’t realize our eyes are telling our thoughts. This man has a gurlfriend, I don’t look at him that way. And even though he’s sexy and attractive, I could NEVER see myself with him, in any kind of way. But my point is…. we have to be careful not to act on this “some kinda way” emotions. I’m glad he caught me, cause I probably would have been GONE!!!! LOL LOL
 
 
 
He said you have some pretty eyes, when a man look into your eyes he can never get away with LYING… because you give good eye contact. So true. But see he does too, and that’s why he was able to stop my thoughts. Whew….be careful ladies and men…. when your mind get to wondering, you can end up in a sexual relationship.. when you know good and full well…. its not suppose to be that way. Watch yourself, and pay attention to the conversation and not the body. Don’t find yourself in trouble, by having a wondering eye.
 
 
Be Blessed
 
 
 
 
Where works of the flesh exists, there is NO joy
Posted on

I remember * in my 20’s* Cree’s Blog Entry

ImageI remember standing in the kitchen washing dishes, fed up with the friends I had in my life at that time. I said out loud to God. I want one BFF. He said I’m your BFF… I said I know, but I’m talking about “down here”. Still years later, I felt as if I hurt his feelings, in my 40’s I’m declaring, he’s all I WANT AND EVER NEED. NO NEW FRIENDS!!!! LOL
 
 
 
I remember one night I was mad at my friend who lived downstairs from me because I found out she was sleeping with my daughters dad. So I called over my friends and we had a party!! We made all kinds of loud noises, turned up music, just to get a reaction from her. Well, she end up calling the POLICE on us, but when they knocked on the door. I KNEW THEM BOTH ( their friend was my EX boyfriend a POLICE OFFICER)… and they end up staying over with us. The gurl downstairs was MADDDDDDDDD 🙂
 
 
 
I remember one night, I had been drinking so much, that when I woke up that morning, my LANDLORD was standing over me. I was so drunk that I left my door unlocked he walked in wondering what happened. That changed my life and caused me to be more conscience of how I handle my drinking. I DONT DRINK TO THIS DAY.
 
 
 
I remember when my neighbor who was always borrowing….. knocked on my door and asked for sugar. I told him No, I didn’t have any, Nesha * my daughter* came out of nowhere and said “ma, yes we do its in the cabinet”… I remember staring at her for at least 5 minutes. LOL She never did that again.
 
 
 
I remember the time when me, my sisters and friend went to the movies, it was real dark, but I had to use the bathroom. As I came back, instead of me entering the row to get to my seat with my face facing the people, I entered with my behind facing their face. I made a mistake and stepped on the lady’s toes. She grabbed my waist because my behind was in her face, she opened her mouth to let out a scream but she couldn’t because it hurt so bad. LOL It takes me friend Gloria to talk about that, and to make the facial expression she made.LOL LOL I felt so bad, her and her husband got up and never came back. LOL
 
 
 
I remember I was working at a drug store. I started getting addicted to the MICHIGAN STATE LOTTERY scratch off tickets. I would go in to work everyday NOT PAY for the tickets, and start scratching them off. When I won, I would use that ticket to pay back all the tickets I scratched off. It wasn’t about money for me, I simply got addicted to the scratching. Took me a long time to stop, but in the process I got others addicted, they got caught and FIRED.
 
 
 
I remember loving several men in my life… but I truly LOVED Darrell.
 
 
 
I remember when we use to go to restaurants and we wanted extra on our food. We would get so irritated when they said “its going to be more money is that okay”? We knew extra cost…. MORE MONEY. We didn’t care we just wanted it!!! So one day, we went to get some barbeque, and my friend Gloria told the young man, she wanted extra sauce. He said okay its going to be extra… irritated to the max, she looked at him and said “okay, well give me $4.00 worth”! I was hollering laughing, he kept trying to get her attention to see if she was serious, but she never turned around. He kept looking to me to help him out, because he didn’t know how to measure $4.00 worth of sauce, and was scared he was going to misjudge it, but all I said was…. ” just give it to her”. Whenever we went back, he automatically gave us extra. LOL
 
 
 
I remember me and Gloria * my ride or die* was eating at Big Boys, we were talking having a good time . This older white man was sitting alone behind her. As we were laughing and talking, she heard him say ” Oh shut up and go back where you came from”. I didn’t hear him, but her facial expression changed, so I said “what’s wrong”? She said did you hear the man behind me. I said no, what he say? As she was telling me, he was looking right at me. He started saying any and everything you can think of that was racist. Before I knew it I started nutting up. I never got up, I just started going off, turning into a FULL BLOWN INCREDIBLE HULK!!. So after a while it was over. As we were paying for our food, the Police came in. We both looked around like “dang what happened in here”. What we missed, we were sitting down, we didn’t see anything”. So, we stood around waiting, TOTALLY FORGETTING ABOUT THE BRUSH WITH THE MAN EARLIER. We realized the manager was trying to stall us, Gloria saw him tilt his head to the police as if to say… these are the ladies right here. Just then the POLICE asked us… “what’s going on”. We like huh? Then we figured out that the manager called the POLICE on us. We were so mad and outdone. After we told them what happened, they were like okay….. have a good day ma’am. We TERRORIZED that manager * with eye contact* every time we went in there. LOL
 
 
 
 
 
Where works of the flesh exists, there is NO joy
Posted on

I remember * as a young gurl* Cree’s Blog Entry

ImageI remember one day my mom was making chicken and noodles. We loved chicken and noodles, but this was the day before pay day, and as she was stirring the pot a piece of the ceiling fell off into the pot. I remember that hurting my/our feelings so bad. We talk about that and laugh to this day.
 
 
 
I remember my dad use to get off work and take us out to dinner every Friday to Big Boys. We use to love it. I remember asking my parents could my friend go. But when they said No, I never realize or understood that if she went, it would be more money to pay, as it was already 6 of us.
 
 
 
I remember when it was time for report cards, my daddy use to be on it. My stomach hurt all the way to school and all the way home.
 
 
 
I remember when I made a pickle out of a cucumber, I was so geeked.
 
 
 
 
I remember we use to go to Belle Island and ride the giant slide. We had to climb 100 steps or better just for a 8 second ride. LOL LOL LOL *wow*
 
 
 
I remember when my parents use to go grocery shopping we had to stay in the house until they got home. By me being the oldest I didn’t want any trouble with them. But my sister couldn’t wait until they left so that she could go outside and play inside of those minutes they were gone. I was scared for her, because if she got caught it was over for me and her. She never did. We laugh and talk about that to this day.
 
 
 
I remember when my mother use to say ” just me and you are going shopping on Saturday”. I was SO HAPPY just to be with her, none of my other siblings went. But I hated the time when it was their turn to go shopping, and not mines. 😦
 
 
 
I remember when I was 14 my mom took me to my first concert and it was to see PRINCE. I loved him so much. One day my mom told me that I was going to out grow him, and that he wasn’t going to be my style anymore. I was SO MAD AT HER for saying that, because I felt it wasn’t true. Even though I LOVE me some PRINCE today….* that will NEVER change*… my taste in men has SURELY changed. LOL
 
 
 
I remember when my BFF Michelle who lived next door, cousins would come to Detroit from Chicago she would act funny and never talk to me. Then when they were gone, she would be my friend. I always took her back.
 
 
 
I remember working this summer job that had us cleaning out the upstairs of a roller rink. It was so nasty, dirty, hot, and so much debris up there, that I knew we were doing the work of MEN. I told my dad, and he was so mad when he saw the work they had us doing. He called the news and since the man who had us doing it was a public figure, it was all over . My BFF to this day was working with me * that’s how we met*, the news asked her if she can come to my house so that they can interview us. WE DIDNT KNOW WE WERE GOING TO BE ON THE NEWS. We thought it was just going to be a newspaper interview and that was it. Well after it hit the press, they went and shut that site down. Some of the people who worked with me, was so mad!!! I lost friends by going to the news, they all had to be relocated and had to catch buses to their new site. They were not happy with us at all. I was so embarrassed I never worked under the City of Detroit at a summer job again. Everywhere I went people knew me. I was dating a police officer, he came to my house while on duty and told me that he saw me in the paper, he was impressed…… I was depressed. * Looking back on it, it was the first sign of me understanding why I’m different. I stand up for what’s right, and will go to great lengths to carry OUT JUSTICE.*
 
 
 
 
 
 
Where works of the flesh exists, there is NO joy
Posted on

laughing at myself…Cree’s Blog Entry

40 PLUSI’m laughing at myself tonight. Today on FB, I posted a video of me driving downtown to the River walk from my apartment and couldn’t decide if I wanted to make it private or to share it. I knew that if I shared it, someone was going to call me and say… ” why didn’t you ask me to go downtown with you”. 

No more than 10 minutes afterward, my momma called me and said ” I see you went downtown today huh”? ( I use to take her riding all the time before I moved downtown.) Feeling guilty…. I said “momma that video is 3 weeks old”… dayum I feel so bad that I lied. So bad. But I don’t want to hear her say.. you know I would have liked to go riding. Then my Sister called, and said yeah you went downtown today huh? I told her the same thing, (((what’s wrong with me)))), but then I told her the truth. Then I started thinking where did this come from? I KNOW where, but that’s a different story. 

Thing is I know they’re not trying to make me feel bad, its that they want to be with me. Me and my mommy are very close, and by us living apart, she really misses me. So after lying to her today…. I made a date with her for Monday to go downtown, to take a walk on the River Walk… she’s happy. But I still feel bad for lying, this is nothing to lie about. I do this all the time. And I TOOK THE VIDEO DOWN. SMH I think I feel bad because I’m happy and have Peace, and don’t want to share it. Not that my family and friends don’t bring Peace. I just enjoy doing things alone.
 

This is what people don’t know, or seem to FORGET about me. I have always been the fun gurl. The one who can make you laugh, can gather a group together and all be on the same page, I love to have a good time. In my 20’s I use to throw a backyard party every month. People would stop me on the street and say.. you’re that gurl who throw those parties? If I wasn’t throwing parties I was at a cabaret, or club. I went out 5-6 times a week. I have been all over clubbing. Hosting hustle parties, playing cards drinking and talking junk all night until daylight. This was every other night. 

I enjoy being alone now. I like to get cute, get in my car and go. I feel so bad, that I feel this way. And let me say this… its not that I don’t want to be with anyone, its just that I enjoy being alone. I know if my mom come with me, I would have a good time. I know that if I call a friend to go, we would laugh it up sitting at the Detroit River. I know this. And I have nothing against anyone….. I’m the kind of person that enjoys myself. I’m always thinking about the next person…..but I must say. I have to learn how to share myself. I notice that I am very selfish when it comes to me. Now I’m starting to see my daughter like this…. not good. 

I just planned my trip to Atlanta next year. I want to go alone, but I know someone is going to want to go with me. Of course I’m going to say yes, and I know we’re going to have a great time… thing is… I really could take this trip alone and feel so good. How did I get to this place? There was a time when I wouldn’t DO ANYTHING ALONE! LOL LOL… But along with my Anger issues, I’m promising myself to work on this too.
My dad called me tonight and went off on me because I haven’t called him in 2 days… OH BOY… 

Okay, so on Monday I’m going to tell my momma the truth…. I’m going to call my daddy every other day…and I’m going to spend more time with my friends. I love them all, I just realized that I spent a lot of time entertaining them in the past, I now enjoy entertaining myself. 

Where works of the flesh exists, there is NO joy
Posted on

Just one of those days…..

whitneyHey 🙂
 
 
 
Today is one of those days where I just want to lay down and sleep. But its so much going on here in Downtown Detroit its hard to even think about sleeping. I went to get an oil change, came home and started watching Murder Mysteries. I have to really be careful out here, so many creeps waiting around to do whatever.
 
 
 
 
HAPPY BIRTHDAY WHITNEY
 
 
 
 
Just wanted to stick my head in…. can’t hang… I’m laying it down for the night…sorry Detroit. See ya tomorrow.
 
 
 
 
Where works of the flesh exists, there is NO joy

 

Posted on

Who R U LaCrease? Part 4 *final* Cree’s Blog Entry @tylerperry

keeping my mouth shutPART 4……..    But in order to do that… I had to ask God…where did this come from? Lord, why do I get upset when someone is sharing with me a story about what someone else did to them? Why do I take it to heart so deeply? Why am I so emotionally connected to their story? Why are my insides on fire as they tell the story? Why do I even care?
I was fed up with my own behavior of trying to “fight” everyday with people about how they treat others. So, I sat down with the TV off and started asking God why am I this way? There has to be a root, where did this begin? All of a sudden I started thinking about my childhood. I was bullied in school. I was bullied because I was different and did my own thing. I admire people who do their “own thing” and not what others did….. unless they like it. If you don’t like what I do, that you wouldn’t do… don’t comment on MY stuff. My dad knew I was different too. I feel to this day that he was a major part of why I have a thing against bullies. For example. Say for instance our light bill was due tomorrow. My dad would spend the money, have fun with it, and worry about that when…. the shut off FINAL NOTICE came. Me, on the other hand, if I had a shut off notice, I would pay the bill, so that I could have PEACE, and not be in the middle of a conversation with someone laughing it up, then all of a sudden …. I THINK OF THIS LIGHT BILL THAT’S GOING TO BE SHUT OFF AT ANY MOMENT. In my daddy’s eyes, I would be considered “silly” in a BULLY FORM OF WAY for thinking like this, and for worrying way to much about it. That always bothered me. It made me feel like this…. If I did things or think things differently than you, mines is considered “STUPID” but yours is considered “SMART”. In my eyes that’s a form of “bullying”.
So, as I got older and realized that the gurl who always stayed in the house, people loved me for how different I was. I was NEVER popular in school, but when I started working and living on my own, people connected with me in a HUGE WAY. Because I was different. I stuck up for the “under dogs”. If I saw you messing with someone and they looked like they didn’t want to be apart… I would say something in a nice tone, and let you know… “we don’t do that here”. I felt that I was that voice for them, but it came from my own place when I was a child.
Then God reminded me of a time when a coworker came to me and said Cree I have something to tell you, but I have to tell you when I call you later, because I know you’re going to be mad. That right there, sent my gauge up to 100. LOL I begged her to tell me now, but she didn’t. When she told me the story later, yep I was mad.. ON FIYAH. Long story short. Me and that coworker was standing around waiting for customers, when our boss son came in. He was good looking, 4 years younger than my daughter. When my boss introduced us to him, we said “oh he’s handsome a good looking guy’… and that was the end of that. Didn’t this BOSS/MANAGER go and tell the other MANAGERS that we were all over her son, and that we were acting like “cougars”, and she also said, women like us is the reason why he don’t come up to the job. PISSED ME OFF. First of all, the lil short sawed off rut…. didn’t look like much, second of all, we both have kids who are GROWN and OLDER THAN HIM, and third of all…. we like men in their late 40’s early 50’s. WHAT?????????? So since I’m faithful to my word and friend about not mentioning anything. We both speak to the Manager, but we keep it moving….we don’t deal with her like that.
Then God bought to my remembrance about how I take up for Tyler Perry when people talk bad about him. I connect with Tyler because we share a lot of child hood issues. I love him as a brother, and a long time ago I adopted in my mind that he is just like me. People talk about him because he’s different, he do things his own way. I LOVE and ADMIRE that about him. When I take up for him, I see us as kids, and since I’m older than him. I see myself as the big sister. And NOBODY is going to talk about MY BROTHER!!! I never shared this with anyone, but when I use to read my google alerts on him and the article was bad and the comments were even worst. I would get on there and SHUT THE WHOLE BOARD DOWN… I would nut up on anyone who had anything negative to say about him. Again it goes back to my child hood, its a form of BULLYING in my mind.
One day I came across this page and this white lady was talking about Tyler, I sent her a email and this is how it went.
RE: Backstage
I am a faithful fan of Tyler Perry. As I read your post about him and read your sarcasm….. I was upset to see that you were taking shots at him. For NO reason. If you’re going to write about a story…. WRITE IT. Leave your remarks out.
But then I realized it was YOU…. who looked stupid. Lindsey had a daughter NOT a son. Trying to make Tyler look bad, you need to be FIRED. Get it together PROFESSIONAL writer.
Then she sent this back to me: Hi lacrease,My name is * took her name out* I’m sorry if my post about the Tyler Perry Foundation offended you. Until your comment I didn’t know there actually was such an organization.I’ve taken the liberty of changing the name and removing the Tyler Perry Foundation from the post but the post itself remains.I’m not against people with GID or those who opt for sexual reassignment surgery. It wasn’t my intention to offend you but I’m sorry if I did.Regards,
After doing this…. I decided that I cannot fight these BULLIES, if Tyler Perry can keep it moving, than so can I. This is what God has been showing me for the longest about myself. I’m the same way with HOMELESS people. Don’t let me hear someone talking down on them, I will have a fit. Don’t talk about anyone who is less fortunate. Don’t mis treat kids, BECAUSE THEY DO KIDS STUFF….another issue that God should me. My coworker stopped me from what I was doing and asked me to come over to her, because she had something to tell me. When I got to her, she asked me….. WHY DO YOU GIVE THESE KIDS MONEY? PISSED ME OFF. My heat Gauge went to 100. Before I knew it I started nutting up, no curse words, or loud talking… NONE OF THAT…. I basically told her that I was grown, I do what I want with my money, and that you have NO IDEA of how many people gave me money as a child and adult, and this is my pay off. That was truly the day, she became my “friend”. She got me…. she knew then that I was my OWN WOMAN in my OWN LANE, doing my OWN THING, with my OWN MIND….
Since God showed me these things about myself. I’m learning to kinda emotionally disconnect from the people I love so much. I love my family and friends. I get to tied into their story and take it to heart. I ‘ve been doing sooooo good lately. God reminds me when I’m in the middle of a test, so that I can think about it as its happening, and to pay attention to my “heat gauge”. LOL I can listen to a story and not be so quick to get upset, or offer my “opinion” about it so quickly. I realize that God is in control and that I don’t have to “mentally fight” off bullies, and take up for the underdog, or hear a story and get upset about it, because its a LIE, MEAN, BULLYISH, or GOSSIP. I’m learning to “keep it moving”. I don’t have to take up for my Brother Tyler Perry who I LOVE so dearly anymore. He can handle his own affairs, and people are going to say what they want about him and everybody else too. I have gotten emails and DM from people who ask me…. do you see Tyler Perry for your husband? LOL I laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh at them, I can see no further than me and he as kids, being different and trying to make it. I couldn’t understand it myself, until God should me the connection.
 http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/07/31/syleena-johnson-iyanla-vanzant_n_3677969.html I was watching Fix My Life with Syleena Johnson and when she asked why she still feels this way about her mom Iyanla replied :”because when you were a little person the big people were behaving badly… and then you grow up…. but you never shifted your relationship with those big people… so in your life she’s still a big person bullying you… and your response is that of a 4 year old… you ever learned how else to be. THAT WAS MY BREAKTHROUGH……THAT WAS THE MOMENT I GOT IT…. I AM A GROWN WOMAN… FIGHTING AS A CHILD IN MY ADULT MIND AND LIFE. TELL ME SOMEBODY GOT THAT? That video is ME FROM THE BEGINNING TO THE END! ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME. THIS WAS MY BREAKTHROUGH.
Everyday there is a test for me…. I have to be open at all times for the warning…. hey maybe there will be times when God doesn’t warn me. LOL I know him…. there will be those times. But the bigger picture here is that I WANT to be a better person, and yes I love my family and friends, but I have to emotionally disconnect from the issues, not to make it mines, to not take on the emotionally responsibility of fixing the issue. But at the same time continue to help them out in anyway I can, * I love talking to people* but not to make it mines.
Thanks for reading, and please learn from MY Life Lessons.
Where works of the flesh exists, there is NO joy
Posted on

“WHO R U PART 2 CREE’S BLOG ENTRY (((must read)))

relationship with godPART 2…

Here’s what I found out…..That while growing up I always had a desire to keep PEACE in my life and to those all around me. I was that kid that when my momma said.. get up and wash dishes…. I got up and washed dishes. If she said be home by 9… I was home by 8:30. If my dad said to me have this house cleaned up by the time he got home… so it was. My dad was (((and still can be))) a manipulator. I didn’t know what it was then, but I knew that when he wasn’t happy, he wanted to make everybody around him miserable. GOD.. I HATED THAT!!!! He could come into the house and set off the whole atmosphere. He would turn the TV when he knew we were watching something, made us do stuff, he would just create a space that was unbearable.

As I got in my teens and started working, he would ask me for a few dollars here and there, and I would give it to him. But there were times when I had other plans with my money, and boy did he make it hard for me. In order to have PEACE in the house when he wanted money to buy liquor, play his lottery or gas money, he would purposely start an argument with me, and for PEACE sake I would give in. This went on for years. Then I watched him do it to my sisters. When I moved out at 22, he continued to call me and ask for money when he needed it. And when I didn’t give it to him, he would be mad at me for weeks and weeks. For the life of me, I still can’t understand how a father/mother can be mad at their own kids for this long period of time. ((((shaking my head)))) When me and my siblings get mad at each other we make up on the spot!

So at age 22 my calm sweet Spirit attracted MANY people. I love PEACE and people see it, they want to be apart of it, they are a magnet to me… and as I grew up in LOVE and demand PEACE.. I found myself being a FREE THERAPIST for everyone. LOL I LOVED it and still do!!! I love talking and listening to people (((( THIS IS WHO I AM))) and what was going on with them, helped me in so many ways to figure out my own ISSUES. But in the process I lost myself. I got caught up in showing so much LOVE, that I have neglected myself. Not only that.. but I realized that not everyone knows how to receive LOVE.

I met this lady at my job, she was a year older than me. We worked together, and became really good friends. She didn’t have siblings and wasn’t close with her mom. I enjoyed talking with her and talking about the things that went along in her relationship. After that didn’t work she moved out of town and we still stayed in touch. Knowing that she was in another city I was often worried about her. I remember one day I called her and didn’t get an answer. It was very unusual since we talked nearly everyday and every week. I called her so much that day it had to be about 11-12 times straight. But she was there all along, not feeling like answering the phone.

Here is a piece of that email she wrote to me….. I HAVE HAD
E———–NOUGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THIS
IS ABSOLUTELY RIDICULOUS. YOU HAD BETTER HAVE SOMETHING
SERIOUSLY WRONG TO BE CALLING ME THE WAY YOU HAVE.
ABSOLUTELY RIDICULOUS. I HAVE HAD THIS CONVERSATION WITH YOU
BEFORE. YOUR CALLS DONT MOVE ME! WHEN I HAVE TIME I WILL
CALL YOU. I AM ON A MISSION AND WILL NOT EXPLAIN MYSELF! IT
SADDENS ME THAT YOU TAKE YOURSELF TO AN ALL TIME LOW. ITS
DISGRACEFUL! DISRESPECTFUL AND TRULY INCONSIDERATE! IF THERE
IS NO EMERGENCY THERE IS NO EXCUSE AND GOD NEEDS TO CONVICT
YOUR HEART ON THIS MATTER. AT THE DROP OF A DIME YOU CAN
ENCOURAGE PEOPLE NOT TO CALL SOMEONE IF THEY HAVE CALLED
THEM SEVERAL TIMES AND THEY HAVENT RETURNED THEIR CALL. THEN
WHY CANT YOU TAKE YOUR OWN ADVICE MISSY! ALL I CAN SAY IS
WOW YOU ARE TRULY OUT OF CONTROL! AND WHEN I STOP WHAT IM
DOING TO ANSWER THE PHONE AFTER A GAZILLION CALLS, YOU HAVE
NOTHING TO SAY BUT HI.
YOU-CAN-NOT-CONTROL-ANYTHING-BUT-YOU! TO TRY AND FORCE
SOMEONE TO CALL YOU BACK AND SHOW THEM YOU WILL BADGER THEM
at all cost IS NOT THE WAY TO DO things. YOU GET NOOOOOOOO
RESULTS! AS YOU SAY “YOU DONT KNOW WHAT OTHER THINGS PEOPLE
HAVE PLANNED WHEN YOU CALL THEM” THE SAME RULES APPLY TO
YOU.
PRAYING ALL IS WELL
BE BLESSED

And in another email that day…. she wrote:

Its soooooooooooo sad,
That my friend has a case of road rage at the mouth and cannot control herself. It saddens me that you interject your comments when I didn’t ask for your opinion. Its clear that you lack the ability to listen. How can you argue MY opinion.
You have issues with your mouth and listening without offering your opinion when not needed. You got a big loud mouth and you need to learn to control yourself missy! I have a friend with no self control of the lips. And for the first time in years I need to tell you, that you have a serious problem in this area. I am embarrassed to know that its soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo out of control even you cant help it. But you really need to get-it-together with your anger–rage mouth!!! Its very difficult to share things with you when I know you gonna go nutts at the lips!!!!!!!

There is no excuse or apology for your behavior just work on making the changes for yourself.

After reading that THEN….. I was like WOW. Where did that come from? Even though we have been knowing each other for a total of 23 years…. I STILL DIDNT look at myself . I never got to explain to her that I only called so many times in a row was because I was worried about her… aint like she lived around the corner as she always have from me. She was going through a lot at that time, and she was my GOOD friend. I cared. In my family and circle, if you’re really close and haven’t talked to that person… concern grows…. YOU DO WHAT YOU CAN TO MAKE CONTACT WITH THEM… and they’d appreciate it too. Looking back at this email from 5 years ago… I realize that everyone is not use to someone “looking out for them” “checking up”, “or giving advice” just as well as listen to it. I have sisters that I LOVE… trust and believe if I blow you up like that I CARE. When I can’t get in touch with my sisters and friends… THEY KNOW I WILL BE KNOCKING ON THEIR DOORS. If something is wrong with that… I’m sorry. They understand… that I don’t mean no harm.

I refuse to put this ALL on her. This was MY issue too. Becoming too involved and having a desire to help people. I didn’t know when they wanted me to listen or when they wanted advice. When I’m quiet they want to know what IM THINKING.. when I voiced my opinion they just WANTED ME TO LISTEN. Again… that was me… putting too much into others. Don’t get my wrong there was nothing wrong in doing this… but when you lose YOURSELF FOR YEARS AND YEARS AND YEARS… that’s not good at all. I finally get what she’s saying after all of these years. I get it. I really get it. Too bad our friendship has ended.

And just like my dad, he just wont let me LOVE him without sabotaging our relationship. He’s mad at me right now, its been almost 3 weeks since he called me. Growing up as a child and in my early 30’s this would bother me something terrible. Somehow I just don’t care anymore. I feel bad that I DONT CARE. Looking at my dad’s past, he is just like my friend, THEY KNOW HOW TO LOVE AND TO BE FAITHFUL TO PEOPLE….. but they don’t know how to RECEIVE it.

I’m not mad at nobody…. I’m just staying in my own LANE. Running my OWN race.

Where works of the flesh exists, there is NO joy
Design a site like this with WordPress.com
Get started