handsonhatcreeTonight is one of those nights where my mind takes me back to some of the things that God told me in the past. Things that I never understood and never really thought about. But lately I’m starting to wonder about something’s. I HATE opening up new scenarios. But I guess sometime you have too. I don’t have the time …..N E way. I sent a special prayer up and I’m going to sit back and see what happens.

I’m special just like he told me.


Tonight I was with my friend. I really enjoy his company, but its starting to be a problem…. I can tell. Why can’t he just enjoy my company? I’m not giving my 12-13 years up of celibacy. I DONT CARE WHO YOU ARE! See that’s the problem with most men today, they feel like if they like someone, they’re suppose to sleep with them. It don’t work that way with me. Its bad for gurls like me, who truly want LOVE and MARRIAGE…when all you meet is men who have been spoiled by women… especially those with low self-esteem. I DONT CARE WHO YOU ARE…. I love me. And no matter what I DONT SAY.. trust me I know. I already know that I’m different, I don’t do things according to how the world does it when it comes to my body, and my mind. Just because I’m nice and approachable….. I will “tear that azz up”. Then when I do that….they say I’m “RUDE”.


I know this guy isn’t for me. But I really enjoying seeing him, BEING AROUND HIM, and talking to him. I just feel bad that he looks at me in a way, and in my mind I know he will NEVER have me. I’m thinking about going my own way…. its hard for him to be around me, and I understand. Now I’m asking… God where is MY HUSBAND?

Mr. Wrong

tylertarjinkitchen.jpgOkay, so my phone is here. Yea…. so happy. Everything is in place.


Met a guy this weekend… hmmmm my type. 🙂

He told me that I was different, but he couldn’t put his finger on why. If I’m feeling you, I wont give you any information about me…. NONE…. If I’m not feeling you, I can open up and tell you everything. I was quiet with him.. listening.


Until I found out……He’s married…… not interested.


In other news………In my meantime of waiting on Mr. Right….. I’m enjoying spending time with God and myself…


New International Version (©1984)
I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. Philippians 4:12


Peace is MY CHOICE OF PERFUME…. *Crees Blog*

Today was a good day at work. Yesterday my ZM *manager over MY manager* asked me would I like to work the Children’s Fathers Day Table where kids can sit down and make Fathers Day Cards for their dad. She knows how much I love working with them. So, I gladly accepted. I was so excited about doing this project because when I leave Walmart kids are the ones I want to work with. We had a ball today. We had some many children to make cards. We had markers, glitter, colored pencils, sticky stars, glue sticks, and other things to make cards with. They really enjoyed themselves. Parents were asking us, how do you all have the patience for this? When God gives you this gift to work with kids, it doesn’t bother you. Its so natural for me. Kids bring joy to my heart, they make me laugh, they are so funny. Look,…….. this little boy * black* he says to me…. you’re the boss? I said No, he said why you aint doing nothing? LOL LOL It was so funny. LOL LOL Those 4 1/2 hours went so fast. I can work with kids any day.

After the story I wrote a few days ago about speaking to my coworker . Yesterday when I walked into the building as I was about to make my *Hello* rounds. I went to her first and said Hello and she smiled and spoke…. I was happy that maybe she got what I was saying to her after we had a run in. Just so happen, we had to work near each other, and she OPENED UP. She was just chatting with me, I was really surprised and so happy that she *got it*. If we all got along just for the hours we’re at work, our days would be so much easier. I CANNOT deal with having a run in with a co worker who I see everyday 5 times a week. We work with the public, how is it that we can’t speak, communicate and compliment each other, we don’t work with each other directly…..we work with the customers? When I walk into the building…. I BRING PEACE… WHICH IS MY CHOICE OF PERFUME. And I wear it well…. PRAISE GOD.

I have 3 days off in a row and it starts NOW!!!! I will be spending time putting some touches on my LIFE!!! EXCITED!!!

Take delight in the Lord,

and he will give you your heart’s desires. – Psalm 37:4

Where works of the flesh exists, there is NO joy

*Its all about LOVE* PART 2 Crees Blog

Yesterday at work, I had a older white lady and her care giver a young black gurl to come through my line. They were very friendly, so I asked the young gurl….. how did you become to be her care giver. YES… I ask my customers questions, because I like to learn things about people. She told me that she was waiting to be placed at a hospital which was coming up soon, and in the meantime she became the lady caretaker. I can tell they are very close and very trusting of each other. I asked the young gurl…… how did you know that you’re suppose to take care of the elderly, what was your break through in knowing that you enjoy this work? She looked at me and said… I’m going to share this story with you. She told me that when she was a little gurl, her momma would kill ANTS AND FLIES that was in the house,  she said she would SECRETLY take them in her room, and try to nurse them back alive. She said she was very upset with her mother plenty of times for killing them, and she would do her best to bring them back to life. OMG … tears formed in my eyes because she said she knew then that she would take care of people. when she got older Her friends in school and her family would tell her the same thing. Her friends called her the “Bug Girl*. Wow!!! What a Testimony. God has to be smiling down on her. I believe that God plant early in our heads what he wants us to do.

I found that people like us, cant attach ourselves to others. We have to always have the Spirit of “keep it moving”. I say that because, we are always fighting for the underdog, we are popular people, but not with the things people do in the world. When it comes to my HOMELESS PEOPLE, I cant care how people feel about me giving them money or what they do with it. I don’t /cant allow those influences to take over me. People often say… gurl you don’t know what they do with that money”… and I say to them, and I don’t know what you do with it either when I give it to you. Same thing. See people don’t see or even know how far LOVE goes into helping and loving others, because they are always trying to get to THEIR next high of whatever MOTIVATES THEM.
There is no limit to LOVE that’s in my HEART. I pray that GOD SENDS the MAN for me to share it with.
Where works of the flesh exists, there is NO joy

*Its all about LOVE* PART 1 Cree’s Blog

Lately I’ve been thinking about LOVE and how different people accept it. I was talking to someone about it just today, and I came to the conclusion that many people can’t accept LOVE for themselves as you would give to them. Mainly because they don’t feel they deserve it. LOVE is a word that’s so clear to me. I was raised by it, and SHOWN LOVE by my parents and my family. So, I am JAMMED PACKED with LOVE. But it always seem to me that I give it too freely to those who don’t have a clue as to how it works.

I am NOT a mechanic… so to be honest *and since I drive a brand new car*, I cant TELL YOU WHERE THE OIL GOES. We take it to the shop and they put it in when its time. Now, that would annoy a MECHANIC because in their minds… they figure if you have a car the least you can do is find out where all your oils and other fluids go. LOL But its not important to me. This example has certainly helped me to understand that since I HAVE SO MUCH LOVE TO SHARE…. not everyone is willing to get to know more about it.

I met Neisha’s dad when I was turning 18, on my 19th Birthday I had her. I LOVED her dad so much it was crazy. I didn’t see that, it was just that he showed me LOVE and I showed him LOVE. But then something changed…..something I didn’t understand…… he wanted to be with other women. He didn’t want to lose me, but at the same time, he knew that there was another world out there and he wanted to be apart of it. People look for different things in different people. He knew that I would be a GREAT MOTHER, he knew how motherly I was, so he knew that his daughter would grow up to be someone of importance to the body of Christ. But he was looking for a woman to take care of him. He LOVE flashy clothes, NICE FANCY CARS, money, and the center of attention in EVERY ROOM he walked in. I wasn’t about that life.

I wanted a Husband, a relationship with God, a family, nice paying jobs working with kids, . At that time I couldn’t understand how you can tell somebody you LOVE them but still desire other women. I knew that I LOVED him hard. One day, I’ll never forget…. I was washing dishes and I heard God say…. you LOVE him more than you LOVE ME. I said God……. Oh no I don’t….. NO WAY. Soon after that I found out that her dad was cheating on me with the gurl who lived downstairs…. I DISCONNECTED from him totally. Never to look at him in the same light. It was so easy. Then I started wondering……dang did I really LOVE him? LOL But when I did that …..I found out something I didn’t know about myself.

I found out that I LOVE people, I love to laugh and have fun. I have never had a physical fight, but I love to debate something dear to my heart. I am always the life of the party, knowing everybody, having a personal story to share with everyone I come in contact with. I also found out that as much as I LOVED AND SHOWED SOMEONE I LOVED THEM….. I COULD EASILY DISCONNECT. A gift that I need dearly to weed out BOOT LEG…. NON DESERVING OF MY LOVE AND FRIENDSHIP PEOPLE. I was so amazed at how much LOVE AND TIME I put into Neisha’s dad,. not knowing how quickly I could disconnect from him. I didn’t know I had this gift. OH God knows how much I NEED IT. LOL Of course we are good friends to this day…..but he knows, he can’t get 5 minutes of conversation from me. LOL

The point I’m making is different people want different things. Some people are motivated by FAME. Some people are motivated by FLASHY CARS, CLOTHES AND THINGS. Some people are motivated by having lots of children to love and take care of, some people are motivated by people telling them how Good they look. It is so important not to get caught up on someone who wont understand your motivation. It has to compliment you or the relationship/friendship wont work.

Where works of the flesh exists, there is NO joy


Growing up…. MY parents were married and had 4 children. I am the oldest of the 4. My parents told us they LOVED us everyday. We got hugs everyday. We got kisses everyday. WE got whopping’s when we needed them. LOL We were showered with LOVE. We were taught not to FIST fight each other, we could only express ourselves through discussion. We couldn’t get personal, we had to STAY on the SUBJECT. No going below the belt. We went to Church and we learned about Jesus. I was on the punishment all the time for sneaking in the peanut butter, and that’s when I started reading my bible every day. It was amazing that I somehow understood the King James Version.

Last week, my mom walked up to me….. she held me by my face slowly, and she kissed me on the forehead, she kissed me on both my cheeks, on my nose, on my chin, then she kissed me on my lips. I was in HEAVEN even at the age of 44. THANK YOU JESUS. My MOMMA KNOWSSSSSSSS that when I was a little gurl, I LOVED when she kissed me like that. I JUST MELTED. She knows that this calms any storm that I’m going through. She knows this. I love how personal she make her LOVE for me. She also had her special way of showing LOVE to my sisters and brother in the way THAT THEY UNDERSTAND.

When I left home to start life on my own at 22…. I found out quickly that NOT everyone knew LOVE as I had experienced it. I found out that all parents didn’t take their kids out to dinner, or for rides, or tucked them in and told them bedtime stories. I thought that all parents told their kids everyday that they LOVED them. I thought that everybody hugged and kissed when they saw each other, and walked into peoples home. I thought that everybody said ” I love you” as they left to go their own way. I thought that if you’re at home, and company over you don’t have to put your money or belongings up because you’re at home. I thought that when you get into a jam that you can call your family….. and get help.

My personality draws a lot of people to me. I didn’t know then….what I know now, but they were drawn to the LOVE that I displayed to them. God had wonderful people in my life who are still here today. So, here I was this “magnet” OF “POSITIVE ENERGY” attracting all of these people to me. ALL the LOVE that was inside of ME ….. I was doing my best, but what I found myself doing was …….stressing myself out trying to GIVE PEOPLE some of what I was feeling. Love was seeping out of my pours….. that my family/parents put there. It was all I knew. In my 20’s some took it and ran me over . Still for the life of me I wondered, was I the only one going through this?

One day me and my Siblings were having our talks at dinner in my home. And we started talking about how they experienced the SAME THING. Our personal friends say that we’re SOOOOOOOO nice. We laugh and say……. they don’t get to see that other side. LOL And I say that to say…. we are NICE…but we do bark… we just bark in LOVE. All of us are cut throat HONEST… we will tell you the truth and not hold back ANYTHING….but its all in LOVE.

Here I am 44 years old, trying to understand and ADJUST to the issues that goes on in the world that I NEVER knew exist inside of what I was taught by my parents. All I know is LOVE… to walk into a room and smile, give out hugs, give out blessings, and compliments. God is teaching me that no matter what I see outside of what I learned at HOME…… be true to MYSELF. I’m Blessed. I know what some people in the world was never taught… I know how to LOVE.

When we were in our teens, we didn’t have to hide our money when company came over, we had “like minded” friends. But when I got on my own in my 20’s and started working, and meeting new people. I would keep my belongings around, but I found out real quick that people will come into your home and steal your things.That was foreign to me. My Sisters and I had boyfriends growing up, but we never looked or took each other boyfriends. So, when I moved out, I was carefree and kept my boyfriends around my friends, next thing I knew….they hooked up. I was devastated. I didn’t learn how to deal with these types of issues because My Sisters and I, never crossed that line. We never had to deal with those types of issues. I would go to my friends house, walk in and hug their mom, and hug the rest of the family,  and they would look at me like……..”where they do that at”…..all you do is say hi to the person you come to see….. and that’s it. And there were times when I went to my parents like……. why other people don’t hug and kiss like we do?

In my life time… my “magnet” of LOVE that was taught by both my parents…… has pulled in Rapist, Molesters, Killers, … and the list goes on. BUT GOD HAS BEEN THERE FOR ME. LET ME TELL YOU. He knows my heart better than myself, and he has really umbrella me from a lot of mess. He knows of the LOVE that pours out of me, and he knows people see it. And so he has always protected me from many issues. I can’t help that I’m this way… this is all I know. I REFUSE to step outside of who I am… to FIT in with how “the world” works. I’ll DIE FIRST. I am NOOOOO WAY… NO KINDA WAY PERFECT…. just because I know how to LOVE and show LOVE…. but I am special….. and it takes SPECIAL FRIENDS, SPECIAL PEOPLE, AND A FUTURE SPECIAL HUSBAND * if the Lord say the same* to be in my CIRCLE. And finally after understanding that I am different…… I LOVE CREE.

But before I close…… I must say this.With all that I have learned…… I am a VERY POWERFUL WOMAN….. MORE IN THE NEXT BLOG ENTRY.

Where works of the flesh exists, there is NO joy



Today was a good day. Thank you Lord. Talk with a few customers today, learned some new things in general so  my 4 hours went fast. But………. on the way home, I-94 was shut down and it took me 1 1/2 hours to get home, when it only takes 8 minutes IF that. Time in traffic ALWAYS makes me think about my life……. ALWAYS. Today’s thoughts was like Part 2 of what I was going to blog about anyway, now I’m at the point where I’m just irritated about it. So, today is the day that I post “Whats really on my mind”.



Growing up with 3 siblings


Growing up in my house as the oldest was hard to me. I was in charge of them whenever my mom and dad had to run and do errands. My sisters and brother use to get on my nerves. LOL But there is one thing I can say about them. We love each other. We love each other deeply.  Growing up we were never allowed to fight. If we got caught, or even if 2 were fighting and the others told, we were in DEEP TROUBLE. Hitting was a no-no in our house. I can’t even remember ever fighting my Sisters and brother. If somebody did fight, you can better believe the others are going to run and tell so that they can watch my momma and daddy whoop them! LOL That was a treat!!! If we had a disagreement, our parents would let us argue it out, and then when it got on their nerves they would say “Okay now SHUT THE HELL UP DAMMIT”! And believe me, when I say that was the end of that, it was the end of that!!! LOL Then my daddy would say, now  HUG, KISS AND make UP!!! OMG that was the hardest thing to do. That to us was equivalent to putting your hands in a fryer full of hot grease!!! We HATED to make friends after a heated debate. What parents does that? Are you serious? At least wait till we have cooled down. If, we had a physical fight, and had to make up that would have been different, because we would have felt bad about hitting on each other, but just after an argument? I don’t think so. LOL



Growing up we really couldn’t go many places, because my daddy was always protective over us. So, since we all had different personalities we would have tons of people on our porch. And we all got alone. WE were the kinda kids that were peaceful, we couldn’t fight, so we didn’t pick/chose friends that fought either. If only one of us would come and sit out on the porch, then the whole block would come over. And if there were 2 or more of us, OMG, then friends from blocks ova would come over and we would have so much fun. Sitting outside till sometimes 4am. 



As we got older, but still at home, we started dating. We all had different types of boyfriends and gurlfriends. They knew how close we were, and none of our boyfriends/gurlfriends step outta line . WE were known for CUTTING OFF PEOPLE WHO DIDNT MEAN US WELL. We had each other, WHY deal with the mess? That was all of our mentality. MY daddy always told us that we were “bricks” and that we were strong and that “bricks” stick together. And so we took that into our lives and we raised our children on that same motto. Growing up, I can never remember none of us stepping over the line as it concerns each others boyfriends. We let it be known to the guys that we didn’t play that, so we never had that problem. But we did step to boyfriends and my brothers girlfriends when they tried to play them. We didn’t fight, but we let it known that, “what you are doing to my sister can no longer go on”. We didn’t play. We were known around the neighborhood for that. We talked it out, we got you face to face to find out “What the problem IS”? LOL We didn’t talk in circles, or related messages to one person to another. WE knocked on doors to get to the problems. We talked things out. And so that is how we learned how to deal with ISSUES……. then and NOW.  



Dealing with other people


 We were straight up kids. We were honest, giving, loving and always were faithful to each other.During that time we were living at home, I can’t really think of people who were “snakes” or back stabbing. I don’t know was it because we had each other that we didn’t experience too much back stabbing, or fights, but we didn’t. It was foreign to us. If you were one of the people who sat on our porch, then you were a friend to us. And  after all these years later, we still have the same friends. ALL OF US!! LOL Funny.


 “I love you”

My parents were telling us that they Love us everyday!!!! We heard that all day. We got hugs and kisses just because we were sitting next to a parent. Hugs soothes me to this day, and the same for my daughter. She has to have hugs and kisses from me. She demands it!!! LOL My mom said when she was growing up, her mom didn’t tell her she loved her much, my dad didn’t hear it either. They made a promise before I was born, before they got married, that they would let their kids know that they are loved. And they made good on that!!! Our friends would tell us that their parents didn’t tell them that, because we were so affectionate growing up, we would tell our mom and dad we loved them and give them kisses in front of our friends, and it was nothing to us. But as we got older, people tried to make it seem as we were spoiled, or different, because they wasnt hearing this kinda talk in their homes. It didn’t bother us at all growing up because, my dad and mom had already told us everybody wasnt going to experience this type of Love. Dayum were they ever right.


When the 4 of us started having kids, we made ONE promise TO EACH OTHER ABOUT OUR KIDS, and that was that we raise our kids to NOT fight each other LIKE WE WERE RAISED. See we knew that kids would be kids, and that cousins can have it out too, especially since we are a very close family. When the kids would get mad at each other, we told them NO FIGHTING AT ALL, IF ANY ONE GET CAUGHT…….. ‘THAT’S A BUTT WHOOPING ON THE SPOT. They never did. Today my daughter is 23, my nephews are 19 16,12 my nieces are  19, 16, . They ALL love each other soooooo, soooooo much, if yall could see them, yall would think they were brothers and sisters. When they walk into each others houses we hug and kiss on each other, like  we havent seen each other in years. When we all live just around the corner from each other.  My sisters and my daughter still kiss on the lips when they greet each other!!!!! We drive each other crazy the way we lean, kiss, and hug on each other. WE be like dang………. get off me, let me get some air!!! LOL And when they have children they will raise them to be the same way. This is all we know. They don’t stab each other in the back, they don’t gossip about each other ,and get mad and bring up old stuff, they don’t cross the line and date each other ex’s or present boyfriends/girlfriends. When they ARGUE  for anything it gets loud and go on………… FOR MINTUES!!! LOL THEN they make friends and you’ll never believe they had that argument in the first place. LOL We don’t mind, because its better than physical fighting, they need a way to vent, so do it, AND BE DONE WITH IT!!!


“Stepping out on our own”

When I moved out  I found out quickly what kinda people lived outside of the house we grew up in. People were sleeping with my man, back stabbing me, being fake. I didnt know what I had stepped into. I trust people right off the bat. With me. ……everybody had “instant credit”. Meaning, you were my friend right off rip, until you did me wrong . I trusted everybody. I grew up thinking that everybody was suppose to love you and cherish your friendship. I didnt know sisters were against sisters, Moms sleeping with their daughters men, boyfriends raping you, your friends brothers feeling all over your vagina. This wasnt happening in my house, what kinda world did I step into? I was truly lost, and devasted by the way I allowed people to treat me because of how nice I was. I was devasted. I showed Love to people and they misused me. They were jealous of Me because Im lightskinned, had a brick house shape, pretty, big behind, with little waist. All I wanted was friends that were just like my Sisters and my Brother.



Fast forward to today. All of us ( my sisters and brother) find it challenging sometimes how life at home, differs from life now. SMH! We were the kind of kids where, if we didn’t talk to you for 3 weeks, the next time we talk to you, we would continue off from where we left at. Some of our (new) friends today, if we havent talked  them in 2 days, them we would have to go back to day one, as if we were talking for the very first time.  They get mad at us!!!! They look at it as a form of DISS AND DISCONNECTION. WE find ourselves getting into debates with our friends about “not calling for a few days”. We werent needy siblings. We don’t have to talk everyday to know that we are still friends, when we do talk thats our chance to “Catch up” NOT re: get to know each other all over again. We can go  4 days without calling each other and when we see or call each other, we are talking for hours. It’s so hard for us in this area. We were raised up that your friend is your friend. You don’t gossip about them, you don’t fight them, you show them you love them by sticking by them no matter what. If your friend is wrong,  you deal with the trouble they are in right then and there, BUT,  when you get then in private you tell them how you feel. And in the end you are still friends. That’s how we grew up.



My one sister is married, and my other sister is engaged.My brother is divorced. They tell US all the time… “I never met a family like this”. They say, we didn’t grow up saying I love you, or give me a hug and kiss. I tell my brother n laws that I love them all the time, and at first it was like dang……..for real.You Love me? Now when we all depart, they say I love you Sis. Then that’s when you have to start showing it. They can ask me for anything, and its done!!!  And I know I can go to them as well. They love my Sisters and that’s all I want. We don’t tell each other our personal business that will start confusion and make us all turn away from each other. I LOVE THAT. I don’t wanna hear my sister’s business, unless she needs to vent, and that’s my time to Minister, other than saying “LEAVE HIM”!!! It always works out.


Me, I’m having a hard time with people. I can say “I love you boo, and God Bless you”… that means to people of the outside world. I need to borrow some money, what do you want or need from me?  This mentality kills me to no end. I tell customers I love you. Some embrace it, because they somehow believe it, and others look like……. you don’t even know me to love me. Its sad. People are so into how the world  sees LOVE, that they can’t grasp it long enough to feel it for themselves. I always tell my coworkers I LOVE THEM!! ALWAYS. When we  are short on money or anything, we go to each other and we look out. I love them dearly.




When it comes to Communication……… if I can’t have it…….. I don’t need  friendships. I’m a straight to the point person. I hate for people to beat around the bush to ask or confront me on something they need to talk to me about. A person shouldnt care if that person being confronted is mad about it or not. I didn’t grow up like that, I didn’t build friendships on beating around the bush. Tell me the truth, be upfront with me. don’t play mind games, tell me your real question, ask me anything. IM DIFFERENT THAN MOST PEOPLE, YOU DEAL WITH!!!! Most of the time I can figure out while you’re asking me something, but sometimes I can’t. And people need to know that you don’t have to do that with me. Just ask me straight out what you want. That makes me upset. I can take you for the longest ride of your life, if you don’t just tell me what it is you want to confront me on. Cause if I have to figure it out on my own, when we could have talked about it in its entirety, I’m done. I don’t like that, because it shows that there is no communication in our friendship at all. And I’m finding out that there are so many people out here like that, and I’m having a hard time dealing with people like this because I don’t understand this kinda communication and friendship. Its hard for me to even be myself without a person feeling that I want something from them, or is trying to get information. You can offer to take someone home, and they think  YOU are low on gas and need gas money. I shake my head at people because Communication goes a long way. If I want/need anything I can go to my family to get it. I don’t need to use anyone, for ANYTHING!!!! NEVA HAD TOO!!! The more you tell someone “I Love You sweety, or boo, or honey, they think you want something. In my house growing up, the next thing you get or do would be a hug and kiss and I love you back. You tell people that nowadays, and they are reaching for their wallets to hide. IM SADDEN BY THIS.


People remember Communication is Everything. If there’s anything you want to talk to someone about. Dont take them through all these hoops, back doors, blocks and corners. If somebody tell you NO, dont keep going back there until you  hear a YES….. then take that as the final answer. No!!!  Don’t use them for information then do what you do best. That’s bold. If someone tells you they Love you, don’t think they want something from you. Embrace it, take it for face value.