Month: April 2011

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Compassion Fatigue

I just have to blog about this day. I have to in order to remember it. If I’m all over the place don’t worry about it, because this is for me.
 
Went to work today, had a wonderful day. My job is hard mentality, dealing with so many different SPIRITS. If it wasn’t for God constantly in my ear, I don’t know where I would be…….and that’s real talk. Some of those people I just look at, because I cant believe sometimes how they don’t look out for the person behind them when they are digging in their purses, and cutting in front of each other, pushing the cart because its in the way. These people really get upset. Most of them come in with such heavy hearts, I can feel it when they come up to me. That’s why its so important to have a relationship with God, and to read our bibles. This is the only way I stand daily. If I allow every persons Spirit to come into me, I would be in trouble daily. I stand on God’s word, he makes me happy, he feels me with PEACE. He cracks me up when I don’t feel like laughing, he CHECKS me when I’m wrong. He loves me, and I feel so bad to see so many people who are living this life without him. Everyday its a struggle for them to smile, and some to even get out of bed. Not saying that I don’t, cause sometimes I DO. But I don’t stay in that place too long, because its a dead in there. I personally can’t function . But anyway…..
 
I got off work today, had a few hours to get ready and be on the road to my Church Second Ebenezer to see Bishop TD Jakes. See, I like to do 1000 things before I leave the house, and I knew that in order to be there by 7, I had to cut down on those things to do and leave. But I messed around and got on the rode about 6:20. OMG Traffic was on the freeway exit, lines took forever to move, traffic was so thick it was unreal. There were so many people  parking their cars and walking a far distance. And those who wanted could ride the bus shuttle to the church. I never seen anything like it. Cars were parked blocks and blocks and blocks away, they were parking in businesses, and restaurants, on the street, it was really amazing on one hand, but on MY HAND…….. I was mad for playing myself like this. I know when we have our break through services, I have to leave the house at least 1 1/2  hours early to beat the traffic and fight for a good seat. Our Church seats 3000, there were so many people there we had a over flow of 3 rooms!!!! How is that possible? LOL Well, Imma say this, after thinking about it carefully and crying in the car ( yea I cried, cause I was mad at myself) I decided to stop and get me something to eat, and go home. I was disappointed and devastated  at the same time. I came home from work in way enough time to get dressed and go, but I’m always “pushing it”, and this is exactly what I get.
 
I got home, look at my  food I was turned off. Then I thought about it, I COULD PAY FOR IT ON PAY PER VIEW!!!!! I pulled out my credit card and ordered it. Just my luck for it to act up on me now. It came on, the choir was singing 2 long songs, I finally ate, and I was ready for Bishop. And soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooon as he said his first word the  they were having difficulties. I was blazing, trying to be patient, the insides of me was on FIYAH. It seemed as Satan had beaten me. I refresh the page at least 40 times. All I could get was bits and pieces. I was so upset, after that long ride, long line, closed parking lost, cars parked everywhere, I was outdone. Tired from work, tired from the drive, and tired of trying to get this page to come back up. I read on line that they had the same issue last night, so I knew that I was in trouble. But…..just as soon as the tears flowed, and my frustrations grew, 10-15 minutes passed, and just as I said “that’s it…. I’m done trying”…. it came back up and NEVER went out. I knew Bishop would have a word for me, I just had to hear the word. I knew it, I knew it. I knew it. I can’t say it enough. The word came at the end when he said.. ” The Angels are coming for ME”. He talked about “Compassion Fatigue” and how I’m always showing compassion, and helping this person and that person, doing this and doing that, and watching everybody make it, and do their thang, and I’m happy for them, but at the same time suffering from Compassion Fatigue. I lost it on that part. That was it, after all the heat my body went through today, I felt a cold breeze when he said “The Angels are coming for ME”!!! Its gonna be my turn, I’m going to be happy, I’m going to do the things that I always dreamed of, being where I want to be. That was my break through. That sent me over for real. I’m so happy God saw how much and how badly I needed this word, I went through hell and high water tonight, but I got the word in my ear, and I’m holding on to that appointed time. I have enough strength to hold on. I can wait a little while longer. And I’m happy. Thank you Lord for that word tonight. Thank you 🙂
 
I come to realize that I know a lot of people. No matter where I go, somebody always recognize me from work, school and just by others. When I’m getting my nails and brows down, there are always people there who know me. I can go through the drive thru and the people say, heyyyyyyyyyyyy gurl did you work today? And I’m like huh? Then it comes to me. Sooooooo, many people come up to me all the time and I’m like why don’t I remember them? I realize the impression I leave and they remember me. That is such a blessing. They tell me how friendly I am, and how sweet I am, and its really good to hear that because I don’t always look how I feel. LOL That’s why God always tell me that we must represent HIM. Don’t pay me any attention……..see God through me, so this explains why I am always speaking on how important to smile, and show yourself friendly. My daily bread book says that ” Jesus is telling us that the way God knows we love Him is by how we treat people”. I just love that!!! I know God has to give me that push sometimes, and I know that since I already started something, I may as well keep it going. I would hate for people to see me on the streets and I’m acting mean, and ugly. How would that look for God? I have to really, really, really be careful, God has shown me that so many people watch me and its always good to just be ME…
 
Well, I’m off to bed….. I’m so sleepy. Good Night!
 
PS, IF THERES ANY MISTAKES ILL PROOF THEM TOMORROW. IM CROSS SIDED!
 
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Out of order kids these days…

Thank you Lord for all the blessings, for all the talks and the dreams that you give to me. Thank you.
When I was raising Neisha, I didn’t let her get away with any smart mouth comments. My momma didn’t play that, so I said that when I had kids, they wouldn’t talk back to me either. At my job, I hear so many smart mouthed kids, kids who just come up in the store and take the hell ova!!! I’m just not understanding the parents these days. How could you let a child that just got to the world 4-5 years ago and terrorize you? I just can’t get with that. I dunno how my facial expression turn out, but there is no fake ness or phoniness about me when I see this kinda behavior. It eats me up inside, then these are the same kids that grow up, rob, steal, and kill OUR family members.
When kids come through my line with their parents who are no younger than 6 and they don’t speak when I speak to them, the parents get embarrassed and say, ” Oh she just woke up” then laugh with that fake laugh. Ok, and, I don’t care if they just woke up from a Coma, make them speak to an adult. I know some kids are taught not to speak to strangers, and I would never talk to a child while the parent is not around, because of strangers. But those are the same parents that allow their kids to be “quiet” even in their presence, but as soon as they need help, they’ll be FORCED to come out of their comfort zone and open those same “quiet mouths” for help. Parents let these kids get away with too much and I dunno if they’re scared of them, or they just don’t want to discipline them. This one lady who comes in all the time with her bad azz kids, at least 4 or 5 of them. These kids dog her so bad, that its sickening  to even watch her go through the drama. Last week, the store was jammed packed, the kids were running through the store, screaming and fighting their MOTHER. She told her one daughter who was about  8 years old to stop hitting her. This chile was hitting her momma, screaming so loud, making all kinds of scenes. Her mom said to her, “don’t hit me anymore”, this little heffa got mad, ran up to her momma DROPPED KICKED HER, AND HIT HER SO HARD, you can hear the whole store in a UP ROAR. I stopped and stared at them for so long with my mouth wide open. I could feel my body getting hot all over, I got an instant headache, I couldn’t even focus. LOL I was mentally making all kinds of “tear that azz up videos” in my mind. I wanted to get a hold of that lil gurl and then the momma for allowing  all of us to watch how her own daughter act a dangole FOOL in the store. If that was Neisha, back in the day, I would have turned that whole front end OUT!! Walmart would have at least had to shut down for 2 hours. I kinda feel bad for the lady, because we all know she can hurt the little gurl, but she don’t know how to be a good mom, and she cant understand why her daughter acts this way. Man, kids are out of order these days.
I found out as a parent, that kids come into this world knowing NOTHING!!! Not one single thing ( only to eat and use it). Everything they do, they’re taught, and when  parents are raising a child they only do what they are allowed to do. Kids test you to see what they can get away with. As an adult you can stop yourself from acting up, as a child, you can go higher and higher, and higher, and if there is no consequences, these kids can become a menace to society. These are the   kids who will never be satisfied. All I can say, is if you get down on your child while they are young, you can teach them the right way to go, if you punish them and spank them while they’re young, they won’t die. Just make sure you stay consistent.
 15 To discipline a child produces wisdom,
but a mother is disgraced by an undisciplined child. Proverbs 29:15
LaCrease
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Dangerous grounds (sex- without marriage=baby)

I was 18 when I first found out that I was pregnant. I was so in love ( so I thought)  with my  baby’s dad. We saw each other everyday, sometimes all day. I even remember the day I got pregnant. I was so scared to tell my parents because I knew how they felt. My mom was so happy, she spoiled me something terrible. But my dad ( in the beginning) felt differently. He was MAD at me!!! He felt that I was too young ( so did my mom) and that I should have waited or least married. Looking back, I don’t think that we even thought about getting married at that point. All we knew is that we enjoyed being around each other, and we both wanted a gurl.
 
During my pregnancy something started happening to me. I was turning into a different person. A woman and a mother. My body not only changed, but my mind did too. I  starting thinking about doctors appointment for the baby,  how expensive baby milk was, baby clothes, and then I started thinking……I never raised a child before, whose gonna show me how to do this? LOL Never knowing that when a women gets pregnant, just like a computer with its updates ,God start updating her mind about  how to  be a mom. So, now my mentality wasn’t about meeting up with my baby’s dad having sex, or going to the mall to buy matching jackets. We were having a baby , and the game has changed……..FOR REAL!
 
Not to take anything from MarNeishia’s dad, but Ionce I started showing in my pregnancy , seem liked he  thought and talked about “getting himself” together ( another job, nicer car, and partying) when my mind, as a -soon to be -24 hour mom, wasn’t thinking about ME at all. Our mentalities started to change.All of a sudden we were on different pages. How could it be ? I remember crying many and plenty of times when I was pregnant, seem as if he couldn’t understand what I was going through. How could he? I was always nagging him, complaining, checking up on him, feeling SO fat and insecure, picking fights with him. I was a MESS ON WHEELS!!! LOL How did he deal with me for so long? I still ask myself that question…..almost 25 years later. (smile).
 
After our daughter MarNeisha was born, we had some good times, and we had some bad times. I never in my life knew how hard it was to raise a baby without being MARRIED That boyfriend, girlfriend…. break up and make up, stuff, wasnt working for us. See my mom and dad was married for 44 years. All my life, I have seen my parents doing things together. There was no YOU in my family, it was US. I didn’t live in the world of single parents, living in different homes. All of my friends had parents who were married, and so that was the life that I saw to live. So when I had my baby, and  she needed milk, I would have to pick up the phone and call her dad and say……..hey……..the baby need milk and diapers. If he told me that he didn’t have the money, and couldn’t get it. We would hang up that phone and  it would be up to ME to figure out  how am I going to feed this baby without asking my parents ( whose house I STILL lived in). Many times I had to go to my parents and ask them for the money. I didn’t see that with my parents. They were married, they did things right. I’m the oldest, they were married before I was even born. So to pick up the phone and call my baby’s dad was very foreign to me and I hated it. Had we been married, we would have done things together, making decisions from the home in which we share.
 
When you have sex with someone (and you’re NOT married), and they end up getting pregnant, you’re  messing around in a whole new realm. It’s one that  you don’t  even want to experience. You’re NOT even KNOCKING on the door, you’re BEGGING  for trouble. If you’re not getting alone and can’t come to an agreement with child arrangements, money to purchase things, you will end up in court. And that’s another mental battle.
 
When you have sex with someone, make sure that person is your HUSBAND/WIFE, its not fair to the child, or the parents the things they go through living in a separate home. When you need mental support and that other parent is not there, it gets hard for that person. God designed Sex to be between husband and wife, not boyfriend and girlfriend, or friends with benefits ( more on that in PART 2) . Having a baby out of wedlock is a dangerous, dangerous, dangerous game, and its not to be played with. In the middle of the night when you’re so tired and can barely get outta bed to feed the baby, that’s when you Thank God for your husband so that he can pick up the slack. God will give that other parent strength to get up out of that bed. When you are alone…..who do you have ( God) of course, but lets keep it real……is he going to come down and feed that baby, when you know well that your husband or wife should be there with you?  No.
 
Let me share what I call having a baby without a husband. It’s like baking a cake ( baby), without an egg (missing parent). Something will be missing. God designed for a family to be raised together in the home as a MARRIED COUPLE. If you don’t beleive my cake-egg-missing parent ……….try going to A CONCERT without a ticket. I BET YOU WONT GET IN!
 
 
LaCrease 
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2011 Year of Lessons Learned…

2011 has been a year of LESSON’S LEARNED for me.  Its only April and what I’ve learned about people and situations just blows me away. Its so scary and spooky that I ignored so much. Am I dumb? LOL Naw, just had to face reality of what’s REAL. One thing that bothers me…….and that’s when people take what I meant for good and turn it around to fit their own selfish motives. I’m not one for BS at all, I don’t play like that. I have no problem cutting you off, if you cross me and I find out. I just wanna know what’s the motive? Like, for real this is me….LaCrease…. you don’t even have to be like that with me.
 
I can’t wait till Me and Neisha move to Atlanta. I’m so ready to get outta this GHETTO!!! I’m so sick of Detroit with these depressed people, who cant stand to see a smiling face. People who can’t appreciate a compliment without taking it to another level. Always having something NEGATIVE to say about EVERYTHING. People all up in your business, seeing that you’re not trying to discuss yours. But as soon as I BITE HEADS OFF and spit them out over my business and my life, people don’t have anything to say to me, well that’s all good too boo. So many people are so stressed, and depressed, that they do whatever they can to pull you in that BS, and lately its been working, and today was the last day for it.
 
I have never really been the person to worry or get stressed out like that over stuff, cause I understand that as soon as those issues pass, more are on the way. I never want to transfer my negativity to the next person. I know God has me in good spirits much of my life, no matter what I’m going through. It took a long time to get to this place, its not going to be easy to knock me out of my square. I’m a fighter of happiness. I’m a Youth Leader, I have to be up. But daily I feel my coat being pulled down by  unexpected people………..even family members. And I’m not use to this and it really, really, really, really bothers me. If I’m out of my “lane” then I need to get back in it, because I’m “bossy’ and don’t listen. Then if I’m in my “lane” I need to come out of it, and socialize more, because it seems as if I’m acting “funny”. LOL If I didn’t know God and wasn’t so strong, people would have “thatgurltheycallCree” all ova the place. But I’m too strong for that….. and it aint happening. I’m the baddest chick!!!! God made me, and he is who I follow.  Let me get off this mess, I’m back in my square tonight and here is where I belong. 🙂
 
Whew….baby I saw this guy I use to date today at my job. Oh he was so good to me. It was really good seeing him. He caught me off guard and ran up on me * with his beautiful demeanor * and tried to take my ring off my finger. LOL It was so cute, because I wear it on my wedding finger. I use to love seeing his BLACK SKIN on my LIGHT SKIN…. such a turn on. He really liked me during the many years we use to see each other, and I really liked him the same.  Whew Cree……Let me get off this subject too. LOL LOL LOL.
 
I finally set a date to move to Atlanta!!!! My best friend said to me you are going to move there, but why is it that you can set dates for everything else in your life, but you haven’t set a date to move to Atlanta? I thought about that and something hit me instantly and I was like OMG…….. I got off the phone with her and my date is set. NOBODY KNOWS, and when I get there, the whole Atlanta will know Cree has touched down to turn the city out!!! I’m going to make it big there, I feel it, I know it. I’m coming to Atlanta to turn it out and to grace to city with my personality and my gifts. I’m practicing  here in Detroit so that when I touch down, I will be the best person I can be. I don’t know what God will have me doing,  but its going to compliment who I am. I have not even began to live my life, the best is yet to come.
 
Here are a few Scriptures that  one of my favorite people ( Paul)  wrote of the bible wrote. He said in 1 Corinthians 9 24 Don’t you realize that in a race everyone runs, but only one person gets the prize? So run to win! 25 All athletes are disciplined in their training. They do it to win a prize that will fade away, but we do it for an eternal prize. 26 So I run with purpose in every step. I am not just shadowboxing. 27 I discipline my body like an athlete, training it to do what it should. Otherwise, I fear that after preaching to others I myself might be disqualified.
 
Amen
 
 
 
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Relationships = “grocery shopping”

I was talking with my good friend over the weekend about relationships and how important it is to be on the same page. We always have this chat.

 
 
I have these same kinds conversations with women all the time and sometimes you just have to wait it out. I don’t mean sit in the house and wait on Prince charming to come along.  What I mean is, I understand too that everybody don’t get married, just as every woman wont give birth. But I do feel that a woman should always be open for dating and always show herself presentable in case she meets someone. Before you go to the “grocery store” you should always make out a list of things you want and need. * wink* Lets take a look.
 
There are things in a relationship that I  personally just wont accept. I cant do the CHEATING on me, and the FIGHTING. I will never accept that. First of all you gotta love yourself to that fact that you wont compromise in certain areas of your life. I gotta have a man who Loves the Lord, and who will go to God for everything. A man that looks to his friends for advice under the  sun will never be right for me. People call me picky and funny acting, but I don’t care because I refuse to be in a relationship where there is No God, and no peace. Those are relationships that are lead by men, and we all know where that can lead.
 
Its been 8 LONG years since I’ve been sexually active. Its hard, very hard. But its something that I must do. I got so tired of seeing my ex’s coming to my job with their wives, and kids knowing full well I deposited my spirit in him.  I don’t like that at all. It really bothers me. I even see men who I’m so glad we never did anything at all. We have no sexual connection and that I can live with. You have to know what you want in a man and a relationship before you go shopping. You cant just put “anything” in your cart. LOL Are you crazy? Hahaha. I want a man who is going to LOVE me, a man who will look at me and say to himself ” that’s my gurl”!! A man who will know my scent even if he was blind folded. A man who can read my facial expressions without me saying a word to him. A man who loves his mom and respect his sisters, who loves to communicate and LOVES TO GIVE. A man who will listen and compromise at times.
 
I wont stand for a man who will go hours and days without making up after a debate or argument. I don’t like attitudes at all, and I will NEVER be with a man who can live under the same roof as me, and can walk around mad for even over 1 hour. I cant do that. That’s very childish to me. And I CANT STAND a man who will call up all his friends and family members and tell them about our debates  all the time. I’m private and something’s stay in the house.  I don’t mean everything, but we will know what we should keep private and what we can share with others to get their opinion.
 
I feel that if you’re going to be in a relationship that you should be happy. You shouldn’t settle for someone who is clearly not for you. Sometimes we as women get comfortable with the living arrangements and we find ourselves trapped in that situation. I made a promise to myself that I would never love anyone so deep, and so hard that I can’t see myself without him. I may show a lot of love for people, but I know how/when to walk away. Its not hard to do when you know you have done all you can. Take God with you and I promise you, you’ll be just fine.
 
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Dream, Oprah and sleep

Last night before I went to bed, I said Lord let me have some good dreams all week. I dreamt last night that this guy came up to my job, looking nice all of a sudden  he picked me up and I felt so good so sexy. I didn’t even know this dude, but it felt so good. I wonder what made him do that in my dream? What was it about me that made him feel that it was alright? LOL
 
 I love a man that wears Cologne. I wear Sparkling White Diamonds, Red Door,  212 by Carolina Herrera, Unforgivable Woman by Sean John, Palsma Picasso, Lollipop Bling by Mariah, and my favorite Celine Dion. I have so many perfumes…. they make me happy. Those are my favorites tho.
 
Ok my mind is wondering. I don’t like to celebrity blog, but I have to on this subject. Oprah Winfrey has the best behind the scenes crew that anyone could have. I sat up and watched 4 behind the scenes shows in a row and was MADD because there wasn’t anymore available to watch at that time. LOL Her team carry the same spirit as she does. They LOVE her, and I see their desire to please her, which tells me that she is very GOOD to them, because they don’t want to let her down. I just love their work relationship they have with her, and she goes on air and make their behind the scenes job seem soooooooo easy.She asks her guest the right questions, makes me wanna leap in the TV and kiss on her the lips. Because I like to ask questions and it seems as if we have the same ones on my mind. LOL Oprah is so real, and so down to earth that you can sit up and have a conversation with her and forget she is the richest woman in the world. She is very transparent and sooo giving!!! She enjoys the excitement and the appreciation of her guest when she blesses them with gifts. That’s her pay off. And I just love her for that. Her behind the scene shows are just as good as the regular ones. LOL
 
Then I got to thinking….. I have always been a Leader, but I also enjoy working behind the scenes. I’m not the kinda person who has to be seen or heard,  I’m the kinda person who like to “make things happen”. I enjoy the part in the show where they had to call up the guest publicist and talk to them about coming on the show, making arrangements and taking care of the guest as they arrive. I’m good with people so getting them on the show would be a challenge to me ( in a good way). I would love that. Her crew wasn’t divas, or had to be made up all the time, they had one thing in mind, and that was to please Oprah and to make things happen. I love that. They all were getting along, and helping each other out whenever it was their time to produce a show. That’s the kinda job that would make me stay all night just to get things done just because I know she would appreciate it. I love how her friend Gayle was with her on several projects. They both are so funny. LOL I hate that she’s leaving the show, but I also know how important it is to move on.
 
A year ago this time, I was planning to go to Atlanta. I finally set a date as to when I leave Detroit and move to Atlanta. What was I waiting for? Every time I set a date for , it tells me how serious I am about it.  With that said, I’m serious.
 
Off to bed…. good night!
Cree
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*The pressures of this world*

 

Today is April 2, 2011. Thank you Lord for the divine connection I have with a few friends. Totally Spiritually. Hand picked friends. What a wonderful feeling Lord. Thank you. It feels good to be me right now. (((((((hugs))))))).
 
The pressures of this world can effect you like a little yeast in a batch of dough. I’m going to post on this until I cant do it any longer. People we’ve got to smile more, give more and love more. I know and understand that we all have problems, and go through different issues, but we cannot wear it on our faces. and carry it in our Spirits. Smile or frown, it cant transfer to others. Lets be conscience of  what we put out, people are watching, kids are learning. Raisingurls here I come.
 
Cree
 
 
 
 
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Cree’s Ramblings…

Today was a good day 🙂 Thank you Lord (((hugs)))
 
I think I’m going to ramble because my mind is all over the place. LOL
 
I love using “words of endearment” to my customers and especially kids. When I greet a child and say ” hey pretty face” it really lights there faces up. I remember as a child,   feeling down for whatever reason, and when I hear an adult say to me, ” hello pretty gurl” or “hello sweety”, that would make me feel so good inside. I always said that when I grow up, I would make others feel the same way. And I love it. I believe that eye contact and the tone of your voice is very important when dealing with people daily. As a person in customer service, its very important to me to make sure that I make a person feel as great as possible. Some wont appreciate it, but most will. So, today I Thank God for the soothing tone of my voice and my ability to communicate in a way that makes me memorable. Thank you Lord, because at one time…..it would never be so. But you changed my whole way of looking at people, and life and I Thank you.
 
May 1, 2011 Raisingurls To Women starts back up. Oh, my goodness, I have be working hard on my projects for them, picking and choosing topics that we will be discussing. This year, IF THE LORD SAY THE SAME…. I want to have only 6-8 gurls. I can reach them better with less. I have had over 30 gurls in my group at one time ,and it was too much for me. WE had a hotel party and we had to rent 3 rooms, which I say, we could have used a few more. LOL I’m excited because last year I didn’t hold  meetings from traveling and doing other things. My goal is to take them to Disney World. I’ve been twice, and Neisha’s been 3 times. Most of my gurls have never left the city, and I want them to adapt the mentality to be able to travel and do other things besides roller skate, and sit on the porch.Many teens feel limited and so they become bored and that’s where the idle time comes into play and before you know it, they are forced into a life that’s not God’s plan at all. I feel that I have a lot to offer the gurls and I look forward to getting started.
 
I’m on my way to bed, gotta work in the am, just wanted to stop by and show my face. Hahaha Take care.
 
Cree
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