Yesterday at work, I had a older white lady and her care giver a young black gurl to come through my line. They were very friendly, so I asked the young gurl….. how did you become to be her care giver. YES… I ask my customers questions, because I like to learn things about people. She told me that she was waiting to be placed at a hospital which was coming up soon, and in the meantime she became the lady caretaker. I can tell they are very close and very trusting of each other. I asked the young gurl…… how did you know that you’re suppose to take care of the elderly, what was your break through in knowing that you enjoy this work? She looked at me and said… I’m going to share this story with you. She told me that when she was a little gurl, her momma would kill ANTS AND FLIES that was in the house, she said she would SECRETLY take them in her room, and try to nurse them back alive. She said she was very upset with her mother plenty of times for killing them, and she would do her best to bring them back to life. OMG … tears formed in my eyes because she said she knew then that she would take care of people. when she got older Her friends in school and her family would tell her the same thing. Her friends called her the “Bug Girl*. Wow!!! What a Testimony. God has to be smiling down on her. I believe that God plant early in our heads what he wants us to do.
I found that people like us, cant attach ourselves to others. We have to always have the Spirit of “keep it moving”. I say that because, we are always fighting for the underdog, we are popular people, but not with the things people do in the world. When it comes to my HOMELESS PEOPLE, I cant care how people feel about me giving them money or what they do with it. I don’t /cant allow those influences to take over me. People often say… gurl you don’t know what they do with that money”… and I say to them, and I don’t know what you do with it either when I give it to you. Same thing. See people don’t see or even know how far LOVE goes into helping and loving others, because they are always trying to get to THEIR next high of whatever MOTIVATES THEM.
There is no limit to LOVE that’s in my HEART. I pray that GOD SENDS the MAN for me to share it with.
Where works of the flesh exists, there is NO joy
I got the memo from GOD HIMSELF
in my hands
there are several lanes in my life
filled with people who are connected to me in some way
we all want different things
once we make it to THIS ONE destination.
The bell sound and we all run
running in my lane
I BELIEVE with all my heart the MEMO GOD GAVE TO ME
shall come to pass.
I run,
NEVER looking in or around me
at the other runners
I’m not distracted because I am in my OWN lane
everyone else has their lane
but for some reason they’re all looking at ME now.
I don’t see them
because I am looking AHEAD
in my own lane.
They continue to run
but something seem hard to them
they’re tired of running
the race is too long
but still they want to finish
I’m feeling good enjoying my race
never at all having the urge to look away
to the side, or behind
never even once.
The race is taking longer than I expected
but still I run
one by one, by one, by one
they’re starting to believe they can’t finish the race
they need a “driver” to take them to their destination
they figure, if she’s going …we’ll get there!
because they see… ….mines looks promising,
only because I BELIEVE
and they sense and see that… I BELIEVE
they figure “why run a race I cant see and believe
when SHE WILL SURELY GET US THERE BY HER FAITH”?
So they leave their lanes
to run in my MINES
so busy running the race before ME
I ignore the fact that they’ve abandoned their lane
for mines
they seem to be “cheerleaders”
“friends” “sisters” all running
with me
when all the time they’re behind me
expecting to finish this race by my legs.
IN MY LANE….NOT THERE’S
trying to run in the same lane as I.
I got another MEMO from GOD
as I run this race
saying….
“you have people in your lane
trying to piggy back off you,
and I’ve always told you that
everybody can’t go where you’re going”.
turn around
behind you, LOOK…. in your own lane
you will see that everyone
who “claimed” they’re to meet
at the same destination
are all in your lane
holding on to your coat tail
trying to ride with you.
So, one by one
I ripped them away from me
disconnecting them like a radio dropped in water
Days pass, weeks pass, months pass, a year has passed
and no sign of the runners
I am in the race all alone
others have fell short
I cry, then I smile
I can see my destination clear as day
but one
by one
by one
by one
they try their best to get back in the race
THIS TIME… IM THE BADDEST CHICK
I can see ALL lanes
those coming, those running
this time I’m looking for distracters
I see them ALL in my rear view
a prayer sends them on their way
I’m still running
and there are more DISTRACTIONS
its amazing the view I see
when I open my eyes
Still running
I’m in my own lane
I’m still running….
I am still in the race.
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Cree
 
Just sitting here thinking about……. how in life you get all of these *signs* …. which at the time doesn’t make sense. Then something REALLY BIG happens, and you sit there, and you sit there, and you sit there, and you sit there. REALIZING… .. …..that these *SIGNS* from MANY DIFFERENT PEOPLE * in the last week* …. ALL have one word in common LIES.          FREE UNEXPLAINED LIES.
And so, today, I sit here thinking…… hands over my mouth, staring into space…. hair all over the place * like a CRAZY person*, face disfigured from the many channels of my facial expressions. Asking God how did I come to this place……. where I just sit and *allow* this disrespect to happen over, and over, and over, and over? People coming at me sideways like I’m stupid….. while I sit back and I listen to God fill me in on their schemes and LIES.
The “old” La Crease would have ripped them apart LIKE AN APPLE IN A JUICER….. the *new* La Crease sits here and listen to God talk her down from it. Boy these people are so BLESSED.
People that I LOVE… people who I use to DEARLY LOVE, strangers-customers, and PEOPLE WHO WILL NEVER~ EVER BE APART OF MY LIFE AGAIN…. In silence, I listen to God, tears form, they fall….. how many more days do I have to stand behind this *fence* you have me in separating my teeth from these people? Is this my life? Tell me now? Lord, please Help me to stay in this fence. Its safer for me, and its safer for them. I know Lord, that you’re so deep inside me, that if I get them…..you’ll GET ME….and you know…. I don’t want any trouble from you * looking at you SMILING*.
For 8 1/2 years * at my job* I have shown myself friendly, I go to work to motivate, inspire and to encourage EVERYONE….EVERYDAY. So deep, and to the point where if I get upset about something…. they’ll come to me and stare…..asking…… Ms. La’Crease, I’ve never seen you like this before…are you okay? Its always expected of ME * because of what I put out*….what I’ve shown them throughout this walk….. this I know….. but, I am not perfect and I hate to be treated as if I do no wrong. My coworkers truly adore me this I know…. they have constantly showed me this in all ways. I have shown not only my coworkers this *new La Crease* side that God has introduced me to many years ago. But also to my favorite neighborhood customers that come to my store weekly.
So, now that they see YOU in me Lord….. I CAN’T go back to the “old” LaCrease. I get that!!! I have to stay this way. ….PLUS I LOVE IT HERE. But can I please ask this… why is it so HARD? Why? Why won’t people just let me BE NICE? Why do they LIE to me for no reason? Why do they come to me being FAKE and you know I KNOW THE TRUTH…. YOU KNOW I DO LORD…. “the old me” I would have hung up on them…… in the middle of their conversation and turned my ringer off FOR GOOD. How did I get tolerance for this mess? I don’t play this ? Are you serious?? I know mines is NOTHING compared to what JESUS went through…..
I’m really going through right now. I’m one of the strongest women I know. I admit.. I’m very strong* my siblings can tell it best*….but it seems EASIER TO PULL OUT MY SHARK TEETH and put bite marks into some of these *wackos* behind. LOL But I LOVE THE LORD TOOOOOOOO MUCH to go back to the *old* me. I love the FAVOR I RECEIVE EVERYWHERE I GO……everywhere I go people know me, people talk to me…. they recognize me all over the city….. Thank you for not having stranger eyes, and for being someone that’s approachable, Thank you for having/receiving the best customer service… my WISDOM… my ADVICE… MY LOVE …MY SMILE…. MY SPIRIT…. Lord, I love this side better….. all I ask is that you keep me behind the fence with YOU. Protect me…..keep me *new*.
Where works of the flesh exists, there is NO joy
I guess in order to get to that….. I have to go through this 😦  No way to live.
Growing up…. MY parents were married and had 4 children. I am the oldest of the 4. My parents told us they LOVED us everyday. We got hugs everyday. We got kisses everyday. WE got whopping’s when we needed them. LOL We were showered with LOVE. We were taught not to FIST fight each other, we could only express ourselves through discussion. We couldn’t get personal, we had to STAY on the SUBJECT. No going below the belt. We went to Church and we learned about Jesus. I was on the punishment all the time for sneaking in the peanut butter, and that’s when I started reading my bible every day. It was amazing that I somehow understood the King James Version.
Last week, my mom walked up to me….. she held me by my face slowly, and she kissed me on the forehead, she kissed me on both my cheeks, on my nose, on my chin, then she kissed me on my lips. I was in HEAVEN even at the age of 44. THANK YOU JESUS. My MOMMA KNOWSSSSSSSS that when I was a little gurl, I LOVED when she kissed me like that. I JUST MELTED. She knows that this calms any storm that I’m going through. She knows this. I love how personal she make her LOVE for me. She also had her special way of showing LOVE to my sisters and brother in the way THAT THEY UNDERSTAND.
When I left home to start life on my own at 22…. I found out quickly that NOT everyone knew LOVE as I had experienced it. I found out that all parents didn’t take their kids out to dinner, or for rides, or tucked them in and told them bedtime stories. I thought that all parents told their kids everyday that they LOVED them. I thought that everybody hugged and kissed when they saw each other, and walked into peoples home. I thought that everybody said ” I love you” as they left to go their own way. I thought that if you’re at home, and company over you don’t have to put your money or belongings up because you’re at home. I thought that when you get into a jam that you can call your family….. and get help.
My personality draws a lot of people to me. I didn’t know then….what I know now, but they were drawn to the LOVE that I displayed to them. God had wonderful people in my life who are still here today. So, here I was this “magnet” OF “POSITIVE ENERGY” attracting all of these people to me. ALL the LOVE that was inside of ME ….. I was doing my best, but what I found myself doing was …….stressing myself out trying to GIVE PEOPLE some of what I was feeling. Love was seeping out of my pours….. that my family/parents put there. It was all I knew. In my 20’s some took it and ran me over . Still for the life of me I wondered, was I the only one going through this?
One day me and my Siblings were having our talks at dinner in my home. And we started talking about how they experienced the SAME THING. Our personal friends say that we’re SOOOOOOOO nice. We laugh and say……. they don’t get to see that other side. LOL And I say that to say…. we are NICE…but we do bark… we just bark in LOVE. All of us are cut throat HONEST… we will tell you the truth and not hold back ANYTHING….but its all in LOVE.
Here I am 44 years old, trying to understand and ADJUST to the issues that goes on in the world that I NEVER knew exist inside of what I was taught by my parents. All I know is LOVE… to walk into a room and smile, give out hugs, give out blessings, and compliments. God is teaching me that no matter what I see outside of what I learned at HOME…… be true to MYSELF. I’m Blessed. I know what some people in the world was never taught… I know how to LOVE.
When we were in our teens, we didn’t have to hide our money when company came over, we had “like minded” friends. But when I got on my own in my 20’s and started working, and meeting new people. I would keep my belongings around, but I found out real quick that people will come into your home and steal your things.That was foreign to me. My Sisters and I had boyfriends growing up, but we never looked or took each other boyfriends. So, when I moved out, I was carefree and kept my boyfriends around my friends, next thing I knew….they hooked up. I was devastated. I didn’t learn how to deal with these types of issues because My Sisters and I, never crossed that line. We never had to deal with those types of issues. I would go to my friends house, walk in and hug their mom, and hug the rest of the family, and they would look at me like……..”where they do that at”…..all you do is say hi to the person you come to see….. and that’s it. And there were times when I went to my parents like……. why other people don’t hug and kiss like we do?
In my life time… my “magnet” of LOVE that was taught by both my parents…… has pulled in Rapist, Molesters, Killers, … and the list goes on. BUT GOD HAS BEEN THERE FOR ME. LET ME TELL YOU. He knows my heart better than myself, and he has really umbrella me from a lot of mess. He knows of the LOVE that pours out of me, and he knows people see it. And so he has always protected me from many issues. I can’t help that I’m this way… this is all I know. I REFUSE to step outside of who I am… to FIT in with how “the world” works. I’ll DIE FIRST. I am NOOOOO WAY… NO KINDA WAY PERFECT…. just because I know how to LOVE and show LOVE…. but I am special….. and it takes SPECIAL FRIENDS, SPECIAL PEOPLE, AND A FUTURE SPECIAL HUSBAND * if the Lord say the same* to be in my CIRCLE. And finally after understanding that I am different…… I LOVE CREE.
But before I close…… I must say this.With all that I have learned…… I am a VERY POWERFUL WOMAN….. MORE IN THE NEXT BLOG ENTRY.
Where works of the flesh exists, there is NO joy
As I laid on the couch last week talking to God. I asked him…… PLEASE TELL ME…. LORD, WHY AM I SO NICE? WHY CANT I JUST GO OFF AND LET THAT BE THE END OF IT? WHY DO I FORGIVE PEOPLE SO EASILY WHEN OTHERS WOULD NEVER SPEAK A WORD TO THE PEOPLE WHO HURT THEM? WHY IS IT SO EASY FOR ME TO KEEP IT MOVING AND STILL KEEP PEACE? WHY AM I SO NICE… I MAKE MYSELF SICK LORD!!!! WHY?
Again, growing up all I knew was how to LOVE. I was told by my parents I love you so much and not only that, but they showed us. My siblings and I wasn’t allowed to fight so in order to keep it moving, we had to kiss, and say to each other “I Love you”. So, now that we have all this LOVE inside us, we started experiencing people trying to make us feel bad about saying the words “I love you” in public. We thought that everybody told their family this. My sister and I are light skinned, and my brother and other sister are brown skinned. People played the color game on us, we wasn’t taught about different shades of skin so when people said it….. we were like…. we have the same parents all 4 of us…..what’s the big deal? After a while in life, I started to think we were the ones who grew up dysfunctional.
Looking back on our lives, we were very popular. Everybody in the neighborhood knew us. We were good people, with good friends, whose parents wouldn’t let us do any and everything. We had rules, and our parents didn’t play.
Going back to my last post. When my friend who slept with my daughters father when I was in my early 20’s did that to me. I was devastated, because I never knew people betrayed others like that. My aunts didn’t do it to their sisters, my dad is/was CLOSE TO BOTH OF HIS BROTHERS… my parents didn’t do that to each other, so here I am learning something I never saw first hand or experienced, and I had to learn forgiveness through this selfish act. *Wooosa Cree* After it was all said and done, even though I was an angry person before this happened, it humbled me, and I learned FORGIVENESS. PRAISE GOD 🙂
One day I was with my best friend Charlene, and I had seen my Mother. I gave her a hug and a kiss on her lip, and my friend was like WOW, you kiss your momma on the lips? And I’m like yeah…. don’t you? She was like No…. we just say Hi. My mother kept telling me she LOVED me, and I said it to her as well. My friend had never seen or experienced this. That’s how my family is…. this is all WE KNOW. This is how we grew up. When we go to each other’s house, only thing ANYBODY will be saying as they are reaching to HUG AND give a KISS is……. I LOVE YOU!!! We don’t just walk into each others house without hugs and kisses AND START A CONVERSATION. THAT’S DISREPECTFUL LOL LOL My daughter is 25 and my nieces are 21 and 17, my nephews are 18 and 21. WE all KISS ON THE LIPS. That’s how we are. And I came to the conclusion that THIS IS HOW WE LOVE EACH OTHER!!!! MY FAMILY. We don’t steal from each other, we don’t misuse each other, we don’t take advantage of each other..we never slept with each other men….. BUT WE LOVE TO ARGUE AND DEBATE!!! LOL LOL One day I’m going to VIDEO RECORD one of our debates when my sisters and brother get together at my house or theirs. Babbbbbby YOU WILL BE SCARED A FIGHT IS GOING TO BREAK OUT. LOL But what we learned is that…. growing up we couldn’t FIGHT PHYSICALLY, so we had to learn to ARGUE… we had to use words. We NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER GET PERSONAL. We stay on the subject and go at it for hours. IM THE OLDEST so I always WIN….* SIKE* You do not want to challenge me in a debate and I know I’m right. LOL LOL I did record one of our debates… maybe I’ll find it.
Going back to my previous blog entry….After I learned FORGIVENESS I started looking and loving people through the eyes of God. When people would say something or do something to me, I didn’t take it to heart… LIKE THE NEXT PERSON would. Because I know that hurt people, hurt people. And I had so much LOVE for others, that it was starting to seep through my pores. People saw it. It was like having on white pants, and people issues ,and their issues with me was seen on my pants. I attracted people who wanted to use me, or talked to me sideways. Not only did I tell people that I LOVED THEM…. but I showed it. And that’s when I learned that most people didn’t grow up with those words TAUGHT and SHOWN to them…. like I was. To tell someone you LOVE them in 2012 is like saying….. when I get my check I’m going to give you all of it. They don’t believe that. I didn’t grow up like that… and at one of our sit down gatherings, My Siblings and I learned that in our own personal lives, we all have struggles with the same issues. WOW .
I always said that its 2 ways to LOVE someone. Through the eyes of God, and an Earthly way to LOVE. To Love people in an earthly way is to…. be nice, but when they get out of order, you go back to your “childish ways” and handle it. Through the eyes of God is to be humble and communicative when two don’t see eye to eye. BE patient and let the other speak. Listen, and ask God to help you understand the issue at hand. That’s who I try to be, and so far is has worked for me.
So, I asked God why am I so friendly? Why when people do me wrong, I’ll still speak to them and be polite? When in my mind I want to ignore them and pretend their not even born? He said to me as I laid on my couch last week….. your mother PRAY AND PRAY AND PRAYED for the day that she would see you kind. She prayed that your anger would turn to LOVE as she taught you. He said it brings joy to her heart to see you happy and smiling without being mean and angry all the time. He said somebody PRAYED for you.
Siblings: My 2nd oldest Sister Na, Baby Sister Peedie, 3rd child only Brother Bobby, and ME~Cree
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Where works of the flesh exists, there is NO joy
She moved in…without her husband. They were in the process of a divorced. I hated her being back, living under me, seeing my every move. And me wondering if she was a even worst person than before. By this time, I had built a wall around myself where I was very private. If you wanted to ask me a question about me…… you wouldn’t because you’d be scared of me going off. My business was my business and no one was ever going to hurt me in that way again.
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As time went on, I wanted to know how things happened with her and my daughters dad. She told me everything. By this time, I had cut him off completely as far as sexual. He came to see his daughter, but I wouldn’t let him buy me a sandwich if I was Hungary AND HAVEN’T EATEN IN 50 WEEKS… HE WAS CUT OFF. When I’m done….. I’m done.
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Me and her started going to Church, we would talk and really enjoy each others friendship again. I NEVER TRUSTED her in that kinda way as far as my male friends. NEVA …. but it was something about her that was different this time. She told me how her husband use to beat her, and how he got on drugs, and how he made her life a living hell. Apart of me wanted to say…. That’s what you get…. but there was something in me that wouldn’t allow me to be ignorant. Believe it or not, we were the BEST OF FRIENDS. She was better a friend to me then, than she ever was before. And what’s funny……. is that all my friends that I use to call over to help me terrorize her, had a hard time letting the offense that she did to me go. I couldn’t even explain how things had changed, and how God moved her out of the house, and then back into it years later, JUST SO THAT I COULD LEARN THE POWER OF FORGIVENESS. When she moved out, I moved out as well. We kept in touch as we do today. I can’t explain our friendship and how God did things, but it was for our good. And even though we live in different cities, we chat on FB all the time, and she’s MY BIGGEST FINANCIAL SUPPORTER OF ALL MY HOMELESS PROJECTS. She is truly a Woman of God and I love her dearly. And I Thank God for showing me who I was, and how to FORGIVE. Even if it took for him to move her out of town, and back into the same house years later to teach us both a lesson. God knew that it would come together.
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As I laid on the couch last week talking to God. I asked him…… PLEASE TELL ME…. LORD, WHY AM I SO NICE? WHY CANT I JUST GO OFF AND LET THAT BE THE END OF IT? WHY DO I FORGIVE PEOPLE SO EASILY WHEN OTHERS WOULD NEVER SPEAK A WORD TO THE PEOPLE WHO HURT THEM? WHY IS IT SO EASY FOR ME TO KEEP IT MOVING AND STILL KEEP PEACE? WHY AM I SO NICE… I MAKE MYSELF SICK LORD!!!! WHY?
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Part 3 coming tomorrow. Its deep.
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Where works of the flesh exists, there is NO joy
My best times to talk to God is when I lay on my couch with the TV off and the light is dimmed. I look up to my ceiling and talk his ears off. LOL
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One day last week, I was having one of those talks and I started looking back on my life and seeing how it relates to me today. And what God showed me…..tells a lot about who I am today. I didn’t understand how no matter what people do to me, I still LOVED them. I’ll explain more later.
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I grew up in the home with both my parents, even though me and my dad didn’t get alone well as I got in my teens, he is a man who LOVES his family. We were told I LOVE YOU all day everyday. We got hugs…just because. We use to go out to dinner every Friday when my dad got paid. We got allowances, we would go for rides every weekend. When me and my siblings (4 of us) got into arguments we had to make up on the spot….which was kiss and hug. We were NEVER allowed to fight….if we got caught it was TROUBLE!!! As we got into our teens, we were very popular in the neighborhood. Everybody use to come and sit on our porch all day and all night. We still have those SAME FRIENDS to this day.
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As I started dating, the guys I ATTRACTED use to make me mad and jealous. I was very jealous growing up and when they made me mad, I would say things like ” I hate you, I hope you die”. I was a very angry teen, which later turned into my early 20’s. I was so mean that my MOM use to PRAY for me day in and day out. I was so mean to my boyfriends, that my parents didn’t know what to do for me. Once I moved out at 22, my mom PRAYED harder that God would change my attitude. She said that she didn’t want anyone to “Kill” me with the anger I was carrying. Little did she know…that GOD was about to deal with me ONE ON ONE.
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I went through a lot with people being jealous of me, of my relationship with my siblings, and for having both families in the home, where I had complete total access to both of my parents. The way I lived, and how friendly I was, without it ever being a story of me hurting anyone. I was and still is a good friend. When I found out that my daughter’s dad was sleeping with my friend who lived in a downstairs flat ….. IT ROCKED MY WHOLE WORLD. I never in my life felt a betrayal and devastation like that in my life. OH God…. that pain is deep in my heart….. I couldn’t even cry. I terrorized her every chance I got, and I cut him off from the HEAD!!! After so many months of preying on them, they finally stopped seeing each other. I hated him and hated her.
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One day, I said Lord, I cant hold this in my heart any longer….its taking over my thoughts and my life. Then…..she knocked on my door and told me that she was moving out of town. I SAID YESSSS!!! I was so happy, she wanted to make amends and leave with peace. Our friendship was over as far as I was concerned, but I was too happy she was leaving town to marry her kids dad. Good BYE!!! After a year or more of her being gone. I remember clear as day, God asked me while I was washing dishes……have you forgiven her? I said Yes!!! She moved years ago, I don’t have to see her anymore….. I said Yes, God I have. He said alright….we’ll see. Never knew what it meant by that.
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Soon after that day God asked me that question…… She got my number from her mom and she called me saying this…… I have spoken to our Landlord, and I’m moving back downstairs. I was devastated again. I said God how could you let her move back into this same house? How could you let her come back to Detroit? I told him that I didn’t ever want to see her again, and that I had forgiven her. I was done with her in my mind, I had never planned to see her again… she did me wrong.
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He said if you have forgiven her…..lets see.
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Part 2 tomorrow.
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Where works of the flesh exists, there is NO joy
I went back to work today since being off March 12, I had a great time in Atlanta with Neisha, but I was also so happy to see my co-workers. I LOVE my co-workers, I have never had a problem with anyone, and that’s what make my job that much easier. If I can get past the customers then I’m GOOD 🙂 LOL They were so HAPPY to see me, giving me lots of hugs and welcome backs……that just made my day. I hate attention…. but when I walked into the building LOVE WAS BEFORE ME…..and it made me feel so good. I just LOVE my Boss, we had a lot to talk about, she’s a Christian too, and we speak God’s language. She was happy to see me. My other Boss is also good people, and every month about 6-7 of us get together and go to a different restaurant to chat and have dinner, well at our last meeting, they all decided to wait until I got back from Georgia to have our gurls day.((((hugs to them))))) So tomorrow we’re going to dinner about 5 pm in Downtown Detroit. I’m excited to be with them again.
This is what I LOVE about my Bosses…… we can go to dinner, go out of town, go to a Barbecue, go out to a gathering, and still the NEXT DAY AT WORK….there is NO favoritism. My Bosses will still put me/us on a register that we don’t like LOL LOL LOL ….. AND I LOVE THAT ABOUT THEM…. At work its BUSINESS, and outside of work…. its play. My Bosses keep it real, 100% ALL OF THE TIME…. I’m older than them all, and I still call them Ms.( name).
Earlier today I was just sitting here thinking about how my Raisingurls from the first Season are doing. I see many of them and they have graduated from High School, in College and a few have children now. They still call me for advice, and today my niece came over, she has a job now, and she was telling me that my group has helped her out so much as far as working with the public, her attitude, and how to be a young lady at all times. She gave me a big hug and it really touched me. Sometimes I felt it went in one ear and out of another * while in the sessions*, but today she could have told me everything I said. It amazed me how much she remembered and how she uses those tools I taught in her life today. When I was in Atlanta looking at apartments, the school bus came up in the gated community and dropped the children off, and when I saw all of those kids getting off the bus, I was saying to Neisha ….. ALL OF THESE KIDS ARE GOING TO KNOW ME!!! LOL LOL My eyes lit up like a Christmas Tree. I was so happy to see that kids live in the community. I love kids, and I have even thought about adopting 1 or 2 of them. When I was there, I went to see The Covenant house of Georgia and took photos. I hope to work there someday, or even 2 other Foundations… as long as I’m working with kids. Out of all the things I can do or learn to do in this life, especially with my personality…. God has called me to do this work . This is my calling. I am reading this book, and this is what it says: God-given gifts are the skills a person performs without formal training. Although training and education may help to perfect our skills, they are readily recognized prior to the training.
When I get to Atlanta…..there is NO stopping me….
Cree
Where works of the flesh exists, there is NO joy
Hey,
I know I have been missing…. LOL Just doing some Soul Searching ya know? I decided that I wasn’t going to “do too much” that I was going to buy me some sticky posts and go back to writing simple notes and tag them around my computer monitor to remind me of what’s important.
Right now I have 10 notes, and 5 of them says…. “Stop trying to take on everybody”… “Call Sherry Friday after 7”, “God, Me, Family and Friends”, “My credit score is….” and the other is my work schedule for the week”. I realized that I try to do too much. My mind is cloudy, I don’t sleep much, I’m working, doing this, and planning that. So, I decided that God was important, Myself, then family and friends. And I like this. I get to come home from work, and see that I’m not all over the place. I’m the kinda gurl that if I write something down, plan a date, or pick up the phone and make plans……its a done deal. I have to visualize it, and then write it down.
One day last week, me and Neisha were on our way home. We were entering the freeway, when this truck/bus didn’t get over OR speed up so that we can merge properly. Oh, I was heated and on fire. Then Neisha ( my daughter) said to me…..”Ma you gotta stop trying to take on everybody”. She said you cant beat everybody. I’m like WOW….that really, I mean really made a light bulb go off in my head.Her words hit me hard!!! She was right!!!! I do try to take on everybody!!! Wow! And in my mind….. I’m not trying to beat everybody, I just want them to know that they’ve just offended me. I have to blow my horn, or If I’m at work and I say… “this is 20 items or less and you have over 50, and its not fair to the people behind you”. Then if they say ( and they usually will ), well, I’m a customer too, and since I’m already in line, I’m not moving, they’re just gonna have to wait. That right there…………gets my blood boiling. Right there in that moment, my leg starts jumping, and I get this feeling inside, and I have to say “Lord, please come down here and help me”. In my mind, I want to knock everything off the counter, and say ” not by these hands you wont get rung up”. I get down right mad…. again… because I’m angry and feel offended. You’re showing me that you don’t care about others. I’m personally offended by that. In my mind…. I’m asking… how could you look back at this line ( and yes, they are looking at you), and say F*** Yall to these people? Really? Is it really all about you……then since I’m the cashier, I feel you personally made me apart of THE BS. Because I have to ring you up.
Soooooo, when Neisha told me this, it really was a AHA Moment. But still I didn’t know where this anger had come from.
The very next day, I was reading some Tweets and noticed that this one person is always tweeting and talking down on this ONE person. It made me so angry, I made up a fake twitter account and NUTTED UP on them. Each time I sent out a Tweet, it was like “Pepsi to the head”…..FANTASIC feeling. This person didn’t know who I was, and it made it easier for me to go off . Then, it became “time consuming” to keep up with this person. I was way out of character, and it was taking a lot of energy from me, and even though it felt good in the beginning, I didn’t like it anymore. So, after 3 days I deleted the account and asked God….what drives me to “take on everybody”? I begged God to please help me!!! Its killing me to be angry with someone everyday, just because they have “offended” me. I’ve always been a person that does my own thing. But when people gossip, lie, be fake, don’t care about the next persons feelings, think about themselves, be selfish, mean, THAT BOTHERS ME TO NO END. And I don’t know how to control myself.
I said Lord, I cant keep going through this, I want to stop it before it gets way out of hand. God knows that when I need a word from him, I will get some place, sit down and listen for him to speak to me.
He finally did…. Coming up in the next blog entry! You dont want to miss this breakthru!
Yesterday at work, I had a older white lady and her care giver a young black gurl to come through my line. They were very friendly, so I asked the young gurl….. how did you become to be her care giver. YES… I ask my customers questions, because I like to learn things about people. She told me that she was waiting to be placed at a hospital which was coming up soon, and in the meantime she became the lady caretaker. I can tell they are very close and very trusting of each other. I asked the young gurl…… how did you know that you’re suppose to take care of the elderly, what was your break through in knowing that you enjoy this work? She looked at me and said… I’m going to share this story with you. She told me that when she was a little gurl, her momma would kill ANTS AND FLIES that was in the house, she said she would SECRETLY take them in her room, and try to nurse them back alive. She said she was very upset with her mother plenty of times for killing them, and she would do her best to bring them back to life. OMG … tears formed in my eyes because she said she knew then that she would take care of people. when she got older Her friends in school and her family would tell her the same thing. Her friends called her the “Bug Girl*. Wow!!! What a Testimony. God has to be smiling down on her. I believe that God plant early in our heads what he wants us to do.
Inside the mind of cree 