Author: lacrease

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laughing at myself…Cree’s Blog Entry

40 PLUSI’m laughing at myself tonight. Today on FB, I posted a video of me driving downtown to the River walk from my apartment and couldn’t decide if I wanted to make it private or to share it. I knew that if I shared it, someone was going to call me and say… ” why didn’t you ask me to go downtown with you”. 

No more than 10 minutes afterward, my momma called me and said ” I see you went downtown today huh”? ( I use to take her riding all the time before I moved downtown.) Feeling guilty…. I said “momma that video is 3 weeks old”… dayum I feel so bad that I lied. So bad. But I don’t want to hear her say.. you know I would have liked to go riding. Then my Sister called, and said yeah you went downtown today huh? I told her the same thing, (((what’s wrong with me)))), but then I told her the truth. Then I started thinking where did this come from? I KNOW where, but that’s a different story. 

Thing is I know they’re not trying to make me feel bad, its that they want to be with me. Me and my mommy are very close, and by us living apart, she really misses me. So after lying to her today…. I made a date with her for Monday to go downtown, to take a walk on the River Walk… she’s happy. But I still feel bad for lying, this is nothing to lie about. I do this all the time. And I TOOK THE VIDEO DOWN. SMH I think I feel bad because I’m happy and have Peace, and don’t want to share it. Not that my family and friends don’t bring Peace. I just enjoy doing things alone.
 

This is what people don’t know, or seem to FORGET about me. I have always been the fun gurl. The one who can make you laugh, can gather a group together and all be on the same page, I love to have a good time. In my 20’s I use to throw a backyard party every month. People would stop me on the street and say.. you’re that gurl who throw those parties? If I wasn’t throwing parties I was at a cabaret, or club. I went out 5-6 times a week. I have been all over clubbing. Hosting hustle parties, playing cards drinking and talking junk all night until daylight. This was every other night. 

I enjoy being alone now. I like to get cute, get in my car and go. I feel so bad, that I feel this way. And let me say this… its not that I don’t want to be with anyone, its just that I enjoy being alone. I know if my mom come with me, I would have a good time. I know that if I call a friend to go, we would laugh it up sitting at the Detroit River. I know this. And I have nothing against anyone….. I’m the kind of person that enjoys myself. I’m always thinking about the next person…..but I must say. I have to learn how to share myself. I notice that I am very selfish when it comes to me. Now I’m starting to see my daughter like this…. not good. 

I just planned my trip to Atlanta next year. I want to go alone, but I know someone is going to want to go with me. Of course I’m going to say yes, and I know we’re going to have a great time… thing is… I really could take this trip alone and feel so good. How did I get to this place? There was a time when I wouldn’t DO ANYTHING ALONE! LOL LOL… But along with my Anger issues, I’m promising myself to work on this too.
My dad called me tonight and went off on me because I haven’t called him in 2 days… OH BOY… 

Okay, so on Monday I’m going to tell my momma the truth…. I’m going to call my daddy every other day…and I’m going to spend more time with my friends. I love them all, I just realized that I spent a lot of time entertaining them in the past, I now enjoy entertaining myself. 

Where works of the flesh exists, there is NO joy
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Just one of those days…..

whitneyHey 🙂
 
 
 
Today is one of those days where I just want to lay down and sleep. But its so much going on here in Downtown Detroit its hard to even think about sleeping. I went to get an oil change, came home and started watching Murder Mysteries. I have to really be careful out here, so many creeps waiting around to do whatever.
 
 
 
 
HAPPY BIRTHDAY WHITNEY
 
 
 
 
Just wanted to stick my head in…. can’t hang… I’m laying it down for the night…sorry Detroit. See ya tomorrow.
 
 
 
 
Where works of the flesh exists, there is NO joy

 

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Who R U LaCrease? Part 4 *final* Cree’s Blog Entry @tylerperry

keeping my mouth shutPART 4……..    But in order to do that… I had to ask God…where did this come from? Lord, why do I get upset when someone is sharing with me a story about what someone else did to them? Why do I take it to heart so deeply? Why am I so emotionally connected to their story? Why are my insides on fire as they tell the story? Why do I even care?
I was fed up with my own behavior of trying to “fight” everyday with people about how they treat others. So, I sat down with the TV off and started asking God why am I this way? There has to be a root, where did this begin? All of a sudden I started thinking about my childhood. I was bullied in school. I was bullied because I was different and did my own thing. I admire people who do their “own thing” and not what others did….. unless they like it. If you don’t like what I do, that you wouldn’t do… don’t comment on MY stuff. My dad knew I was different too. I feel to this day that he was a major part of why I have a thing against bullies. For example. Say for instance our light bill was due tomorrow. My dad would spend the money, have fun with it, and worry about that when…. the shut off FINAL NOTICE came. Me, on the other hand, if I had a shut off notice, I would pay the bill, so that I could have PEACE, and not be in the middle of a conversation with someone laughing it up, then all of a sudden …. I THINK OF THIS LIGHT BILL THAT’S GOING TO BE SHUT OFF AT ANY MOMENT. In my daddy’s eyes, I would be considered “silly” in a BULLY FORM OF WAY for thinking like this, and for worrying way to much about it. That always bothered me. It made me feel like this…. If I did things or think things differently than you, mines is considered “STUPID” but yours is considered “SMART”. In my eyes that’s a form of “bullying”.
So, as I got older and realized that the gurl who always stayed in the house, people loved me for how different I was. I was NEVER popular in school, but when I started working and living on my own, people connected with me in a HUGE WAY. Because I was different. I stuck up for the “under dogs”. If I saw you messing with someone and they looked like they didn’t want to be apart… I would say something in a nice tone, and let you know… “we don’t do that here”. I felt that I was that voice for them, but it came from my own place when I was a child.
Then God reminded me of a time when a coworker came to me and said Cree I have something to tell you, but I have to tell you when I call you later, because I know you’re going to be mad. That right there, sent my gauge up to 100. LOL I begged her to tell me now, but she didn’t. When she told me the story later, yep I was mad.. ON FIYAH. Long story short. Me and that coworker was standing around waiting for customers, when our boss son came in. He was good looking, 4 years younger than my daughter. When my boss introduced us to him, we said “oh he’s handsome a good looking guy’… and that was the end of that. Didn’t this BOSS/MANAGER go and tell the other MANAGERS that we were all over her son, and that we were acting like “cougars”, and she also said, women like us is the reason why he don’t come up to the job. PISSED ME OFF. First of all, the lil short sawed off rut…. didn’t look like much, second of all, we both have kids who are GROWN and OLDER THAN HIM, and third of all…. we like men in their late 40’s early 50’s. WHAT?????????? So since I’m faithful to my word and friend about not mentioning anything. We both speak to the Manager, but we keep it moving….we don’t deal with her like that.
Then God bought to my remembrance about how I take up for Tyler Perry when people talk bad about him. I connect with Tyler because we share a lot of child hood issues. I love him as a brother, and a long time ago I adopted in my mind that he is just like me. People talk about him because he’s different, he do things his own way. I LOVE and ADMIRE that about him. When I take up for him, I see us as kids, and since I’m older than him. I see myself as the big sister. And NOBODY is going to talk about MY BROTHER!!! I never shared this with anyone, but when I use to read my google alerts on him and the article was bad and the comments were even worst. I would get on there and SHUT THE WHOLE BOARD DOWN… I would nut up on anyone who had anything negative to say about him. Again it goes back to my child hood, its a form of BULLYING in my mind.
One day I came across this page and this white lady was talking about Tyler, I sent her a email and this is how it went.
RE: Backstage
I am a faithful fan of Tyler Perry. As I read your post about him and read your sarcasm….. I was upset to see that you were taking shots at him. For NO reason. If you’re going to write about a story…. WRITE IT. Leave your remarks out.
But then I realized it was YOU…. who looked stupid. Lindsey had a daughter NOT a son. Trying to make Tyler look bad, you need to be FIRED. Get it together PROFESSIONAL writer.
Then she sent this back to me: Hi lacrease,My name is * took her name out* I’m sorry if my post about the Tyler Perry Foundation offended you. Until your comment I didn’t know there actually was such an organization.I’ve taken the liberty of changing the name and removing the Tyler Perry Foundation from the post but the post itself remains.I’m not against people with GID or those who opt for sexual reassignment surgery. It wasn’t my intention to offend you but I’m sorry if I did.Regards,
After doing this…. I decided that I cannot fight these BULLIES, if Tyler Perry can keep it moving, than so can I. This is what God has been showing me for the longest about myself. I’m the same way with HOMELESS people. Don’t let me hear someone talking down on them, I will have a fit. Don’t talk about anyone who is less fortunate. Don’t mis treat kids, BECAUSE THEY DO KIDS STUFF….another issue that God should me. My coworker stopped me from what I was doing and asked me to come over to her, because she had something to tell me. When I got to her, she asked me….. WHY DO YOU GIVE THESE KIDS MONEY? PISSED ME OFF. My heat Gauge went to 100. Before I knew it I started nutting up, no curse words, or loud talking… NONE OF THAT…. I basically told her that I was grown, I do what I want with my money, and that you have NO IDEA of how many people gave me money as a child and adult, and this is my pay off. That was truly the day, she became my “friend”. She got me…. she knew then that I was my OWN WOMAN in my OWN LANE, doing my OWN THING, with my OWN MIND….
Since God showed me these things about myself. I’m learning to kinda emotionally disconnect from the people I love so much. I love my family and friends. I get to tied into their story and take it to heart. I ‘ve been doing sooooo good lately. God reminds me when I’m in the middle of a test, so that I can think about it as its happening, and to pay attention to my “heat gauge”. LOL I can listen to a story and not be so quick to get upset, or offer my “opinion” about it so quickly. I realize that God is in control and that I don’t have to “mentally fight” off bullies, and take up for the underdog, or hear a story and get upset about it, because its a LIE, MEAN, BULLYISH, or GOSSIP. I’m learning to “keep it moving”. I don’t have to take up for my Brother Tyler Perry who I LOVE so dearly anymore. He can handle his own affairs, and people are going to say what they want about him and everybody else too. I have gotten emails and DM from people who ask me…. do you see Tyler Perry for your husband? LOL I laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh at them, I can see no further than me and he as kids, being different and trying to make it. I couldn’t understand it myself, until God should me the connection.
 http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/07/31/syleena-johnson-iyanla-vanzant_n_3677969.html I was watching Fix My Life with Syleena Johnson and when she asked why she still feels this way about her mom Iyanla replied :”because when you were a little person the big people were behaving badly… and then you grow up…. but you never shifted your relationship with those big people… so in your life she’s still a big person bullying you… and your response is that of a 4 year old… you ever learned how else to be. THAT WAS MY BREAKTHROUGH……THAT WAS THE MOMENT I GOT IT…. I AM A GROWN WOMAN… FIGHTING AS A CHILD IN MY ADULT MIND AND LIFE. TELL ME SOMEBODY GOT THAT? That video is ME FROM THE BEGINNING TO THE END! ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME. THIS WAS MY BREAKTHROUGH.
Everyday there is a test for me…. I have to be open at all times for the warning…. hey maybe there will be times when God doesn’t warn me. LOL I know him…. there will be those times. But the bigger picture here is that I WANT to be a better person, and yes I love my family and friends, but I have to emotionally disconnect from the issues, not to make it mines, to not take on the emotionally responsibility of fixing the issue. But at the same time continue to help them out in anyway I can, * I love talking to people* but not to make it mines.
Thanks for reading, and please learn from MY Life Lessons.
Where works of the flesh exists, there is NO joy
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Who R U LaCrease * Part 3* My Blog Entry

i might get madSo, lately I’ve been doing a “self examination” and I’m very honest about how I feel, the choices I make, and some of the things I say.

The VERY next day after writing my blog entry https://lacreasewalker.com/2013/07/25/who-r-u-part-2-crees-blog-entry-must-read/ “Who R U” Part 2 ……my daughter hesitated to share a story with me about what was going on at her job, “she said to me” “I don’t like telling you stuff momma, because you get mad”. Wow, that just blew me away. She had no idea of the blog entry that I had written the night before… so for your own child to say the same thing…. it MUST be true.

I picked her up from work this day, when she had this “sigh of relief” look on her face as she got in the van. I asked her …. what’s going on gurl? She turned to me as I was driving and said “ma, I’m going to share something with you, but don’t get mad. When she said that,…. all of a sudden my heart started beating fast, I could feel the anxiety kicking in, I could feel heat rising, anger setting in place, the MADEA in me coming out. I wanted to stop the van just in case I had to go back and confront somebody. I needed cold air to circulate to my whole body. I went into a daze. I just needed to hear the story, but she made me do all of these promising “NOT TO GET MAD” thingys for 10 minutes , and then she began her story.

As she shared the story of CORPORATE BULLYING *everything is good now* I invited God to come into the space of my mind, and intercept the anger, fear, and anxiety that I was having by listening. While driving, I had to make sure my facial expression didn’t change much, because I know my daughter, she will change the subject and never mention it again. To help me, I thought about the blog entry I wrote the night before about what my friend said. This is the part that stood out the most in her fiery email TO ME 5 years ago: “you really need to get-it-together with your anger–rage mouth!!! Its very difficult to share things with you when I know you gonna go nutts at the lips!!!!!!!” While my daughter told the story…. God was in my head space calming my storm, I started feeling relaxed. I felt as if I didn’t have to “fight anymore” or “feel the sense to confront” someone. I knew that God was saying to me, STOP FIGHTING EVERYONE LACREASE… I am in control NOT YOU! Even though my insides were on “fire” just hearing the story, I felt that God wanted me to feel every emotion so that I can know that they will arise, how to handle them, but at the same time learn to trust him when it comes to these situations.

This is what it felt like… I don’t like roller coasters at all PERIOD. I was in Cedarpointe one year and someone talked me into riding with them, it was my very first time. Well, I go on, and it got STUCK at the top for what seems like FOREVER. Once they got it running, I thought we were going to crash to the bottom, thinking that it wasn’t going to ever work properly until the engineers took a look at it. The feeling of the”climb” in the roller coaster… is how I feel as the person tells the story…. the “drop” of it is the thought of things I want to say to the aggressor, but when I calm down and let God handle the situation is the feeling I have when the ride is over and I SURVIVED IT. Its like okay…. it wasn’t that bad. WOW ISNT THAT DEEP?

With all of that said…. I’m learning how to control my emotions when someone shares something with me that I wont agree with. But in order to do that… I had to ask God….where did this come from?

You DO NOT want to miss….. Part 4 coming up!!!

Where works of the flesh exists, there is NO joy
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“WHO R U PART 2 CREE’S BLOG ENTRY (((must read)))

relationship with godPART 2…

Here’s what I found out…..That while growing up I always had a desire to keep PEACE in my life and to those all around me. I was that kid that when my momma said.. get up and wash dishes…. I got up and washed dishes. If she said be home by 9… I was home by 8:30. If my dad said to me have this house cleaned up by the time he got home… so it was. My dad was (((and still can be))) a manipulator. I didn’t know what it was then, but I knew that when he wasn’t happy, he wanted to make everybody around him miserable. GOD.. I HATED THAT!!!! He could come into the house and set off the whole atmosphere. He would turn the TV when he knew we were watching something, made us do stuff, he would just create a space that was unbearable.

As I got in my teens and started working, he would ask me for a few dollars here and there, and I would give it to him. But there were times when I had other plans with my money, and boy did he make it hard for me. In order to have PEACE in the house when he wanted money to buy liquor, play his lottery or gas money, he would purposely start an argument with me, and for PEACE sake I would give in. This went on for years. Then I watched him do it to my sisters. When I moved out at 22, he continued to call me and ask for money when he needed it. And when I didn’t give it to him, he would be mad at me for weeks and weeks. For the life of me, I still can’t understand how a father/mother can be mad at their own kids for this long period of time. ((((shaking my head)))) When me and my siblings get mad at each other we make up on the spot!

So at age 22 my calm sweet Spirit attracted MANY people. I love PEACE and people see it, they want to be apart of it, they are a magnet to me… and as I grew up in LOVE and demand PEACE.. I found myself being a FREE THERAPIST for everyone. LOL I LOVED it and still do!!! I love talking and listening to people (((( THIS IS WHO I AM))) and what was going on with them, helped me in so many ways to figure out my own ISSUES. But in the process I lost myself. I got caught up in showing so much LOVE, that I have neglected myself. Not only that.. but I realized that not everyone knows how to receive LOVE.

I met this lady at my job, she was a year older than me. We worked together, and became really good friends. She didn’t have siblings and wasn’t close with her mom. I enjoyed talking with her and talking about the things that went along in her relationship. After that didn’t work she moved out of town and we still stayed in touch. Knowing that she was in another city I was often worried about her. I remember one day I called her and didn’t get an answer. It was very unusual since we talked nearly everyday and every week. I called her so much that day it had to be about 11-12 times straight. But she was there all along, not feeling like answering the phone.

Here is a piece of that email she wrote to me….. I HAVE HAD
E———–NOUGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THIS
IS ABSOLUTELY RIDICULOUS. YOU HAD BETTER HAVE SOMETHING
SERIOUSLY WRONG TO BE CALLING ME THE WAY YOU HAVE.
ABSOLUTELY RIDICULOUS. I HAVE HAD THIS CONVERSATION WITH YOU
BEFORE. YOUR CALLS DONT MOVE ME! WHEN I HAVE TIME I WILL
CALL YOU. I AM ON A MISSION AND WILL NOT EXPLAIN MYSELF! IT
SADDENS ME THAT YOU TAKE YOURSELF TO AN ALL TIME LOW. ITS
DISGRACEFUL! DISRESPECTFUL AND TRULY INCONSIDERATE! IF THERE
IS NO EMERGENCY THERE IS NO EXCUSE AND GOD NEEDS TO CONVICT
YOUR HEART ON THIS MATTER. AT THE DROP OF A DIME YOU CAN
ENCOURAGE PEOPLE NOT TO CALL SOMEONE IF THEY HAVE CALLED
THEM SEVERAL TIMES AND THEY HAVENT RETURNED THEIR CALL. THEN
WHY CANT YOU TAKE YOUR OWN ADVICE MISSY! ALL I CAN SAY IS
WOW YOU ARE TRULY OUT OF CONTROL! AND WHEN I STOP WHAT IM
DOING TO ANSWER THE PHONE AFTER A GAZILLION CALLS, YOU HAVE
NOTHING TO SAY BUT HI.
YOU-CAN-NOT-CONTROL-ANYTHING-BUT-YOU! TO TRY AND FORCE
SOMEONE TO CALL YOU BACK AND SHOW THEM YOU WILL BADGER THEM
at all cost IS NOT THE WAY TO DO things. YOU GET NOOOOOOOO
RESULTS! AS YOU SAY “YOU DONT KNOW WHAT OTHER THINGS PEOPLE
HAVE PLANNED WHEN YOU CALL THEM” THE SAME RULES APPLY TO
YOU.
PRAYING ALL IS WELL
BE BLESSED

And in another email that day…. she wrote:

Its soooooooooooo sad,
That my friend has a case of road rage at the mouth and cannot control herself. It saddens me that you interject your comments when I didn’t ask for your opinion. Its clear that you lack the ability to listen. How can you argue MY opinion.
You have issues with your mouth and listening without offering your opinion when not needed. You got a big loud mouth and you need to learn to control yourself missy! I have a friend with no self control of the lips. And for the first time in years I need to tell you, that you have a serious problem in this area. I am embarrassed to know that its soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo out of control even you cant help it. But you really need to get-it-together with your anger–rage mouth!!! Its very difficult to share things with you when I know you gonna go nutts at the lips!!!!!!!

There is no excuse or apology for your behavior just work on making the changes for yourself.

After reading that THEN….. I was like WOW. Where did that come from? Even though we have been knowing each other for a total of 23 years…. I STILL DIDNT look at myself . I never got to explain to her that I only called so many times in a row was because I was worried about her… aint like she lived around the corner as she always have from me. She was going through a lot at that time, and she was my GOOD friend. I cared. In my family and circle, if you’re really close and haven’t talked to that person… concern grows…. YOU DO WHAT YOU CAN TO MAKE CONTACT WITH THEM… and they’d appreciate it too. Looking back at this email from 5 years ago… I realize that everyone is not use to someone “looking out for them” “checking up”, “or giving advice” just as well as listen to it. I have sisters that I LOVE… trust and believe if I blow you up like that I CARE. When I can’t get in touch with my sisters and friends… THEY KNOW I WILL BE KNOCKING ON THEIR DOORS. If something is wrong with that… I’m sorry. They understand… that I don’t mean no harm.

I refuse to put this ALL on her. This was MY issue too. Becoming too involved and having a desire to help people. I didn’t know when they wanted me to listen or when they wanted advice. When I’m quiet they want to know what IM THINKING.. when I voiced my opinion they just WANTED ME TO LISTEN. Again… that was me… putting too much into others. Don’t get my wrong there was nothing wrong in doing this… but when you lose YOURSELF FOR YEARS AND YEARS AND YEARS… that’s not good at all. I finally get what she’s saying after all of these years. I get it. I really get it. Too bad our friendship has ended.

And just like my dad, he just wont let me LOVE him without sabotaging our relationship. He’s mad at me right now, its been almost 3 weeks since he called me. Growing up as a child and in my early 30’s this would bother me something terrible. Somehow I just don’t care anymore. I feel bad that I DONT CARE. Looking at my dad’s past, he is just like my friend, THEY KNOW HOW TO LOVE AND TO BE FAITHFUL TO PEOPLE….. but they don’t know how to RECEIVE it.

I’m not mad at nobody…. I’m just staying in my own LANE. Running my OWN race.

Where works of the flesh exists, there is NO joy
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“WHO R U” Part 1 Cree’s Blog Entry

whoare uAs I sit here cooking dinner… Collard Greens, corn bread and fried chicken, I am reminded of the complete PEACE that I have in my life.

As bad as I want to tell and “share” my dinner with several family members * because I KNOW they will appreciate it* …. God has reminded me that its okay to prepare it and to have it for myself.

For as long as I can remember I have always been the person who spends all day inviting friends * one at a time* over and helping them to sort out the things that’s going on in their life, and even when I wanted to be alone and enjoy my own PEACE… I kept smiling and invited more. I remember so clearly being in my apartment in my early 20’s, washing dishes when I said Lord, I want a Best Friend.. someone who I can talk to, instead of doing all the listening. I heard him loud and clear when he said to me… I am your Best Friend. I said I know God.. but I’m talking about somebody “down here”. Here it is 20 plus years later, and that conversation comes to my mind at least twice a week. I don’t know if I “hurt” his feelings (((smile))) or he knew it was going to come a time when I’d say… NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NEW FRIENDS FOR ME/CREE LORD… IM GOOD!!!!! LOL

I realize that as a child growing up that I’m a very supportive and motherly person. I still do NOT in my adult life know how to balance this in my life. Its like I want to LOVE and HELP everybody. I admit I have gotten so much better with this, because by living on my own, it has helped me to do more for myself. Daily I have to sit quietly and think about ME. Doing what makes me happy. I’m sad sometimes in how much time and energy I put into others, when they were busy “doing them”, or was it that I MADE IT ABOUT THEM? Even though they all APPRECIATE everything, its ME… its ME who need to learn balance. When to offer my help, or to just fall back.

Here’s what I found out….. Part 2 coming tomorrow.

Where works of the flesh exists, there is NO joy
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Feeling some kinda way….about him.. Cree’s Blog Entry!

2013-07-1220.05.30I have a lot that I could speak on when it comes to the Zimmerman case, but I’m very vocal on Twitter so I’ll just leave it at that.

 

I knew once I was on my own I would make myself more available to dating and getting to know someone nice. I can’t even count the men that I have met in the last 6 months. None of them made it inside my apartment, and it never went as far as a kiss.

 

 

But this one guy… um um um….. I liked him… I mean I really liked him. I really thought my “like” button was broke, because I always knew what kind of man I wanted, and I just wasn’t coming across him. We saw each other 5 times a week, and talked on the phone between both his jobs. I would sit at his job in my building * he was the boss* for hours, he never wanted me to leave. We got attached to each other real quick. But one day…. when I walked up to him for the first time that day… he stared me in the eyes and said… I talked to God about you last night….* and then he told me what God told him*… he said to me, when this happen don’t forget about me. I was so shocked at what he said.. I just stood there in a frozen blizzard and stared at him. He was like… are you alright… what? I couldn’t even talk… I changed the subject and when I got to my apartment I got in the bathtub and started thinking about it. Just then he called and said Cree are you okay? What did I say so shocking? I played it off again, and we hung up.

 

Right then and there I knew he wasn’t the one for me, I knew that he was ONLY in my life to give me that message. I KNEW that my days of being with and around him were numbered. GOD KNEW that in order for me to even BELIEVE the message , was that  I HAD TO HAVE SOME KIND OF FEELINGS/CONNECTION  to HIM to even give him the time of day. I do NOT put any energy into a man who I have ABSOLUTELY no feelings for…. its time consuming and relationship/friendship suicide.

 

The reason why I would never get serious with him, was because he was in the “process” of getting himself together, and had several “when he had time” relationships. I was not looking for that at all. I also noticed that when we would talk, several other women came around, and as a woman I knew that he was attracted to them as well as to me. One person in particular… I knew he had eyes for. She couldn’t wait until I left so that she could get her few hours in… LOL it was all good, because I knew he wasn’t the one for me, but his presence, personality, conversations, beautiful teeth and smile… ALWAYS made me happy.

 

He’d applied for another job, and had gotten it. I knew my days of not seeing him were numbered when he shared that info with me. He worked 2 full time jobs and lived too far for us to see each other even once a week. I was sad and stopped calling him. He would call me all the time and ask why you never call me anymore. I couldn’t take not seeing him like I was use too. I was wrong, but I had to disconnect from him. I just stopped answering  his calls, and stop calling him. This was in April or May.

 

Yesterday……… as I stepped out of my van and was walking through my gated parking lot. I felt “something”.. I cant even explain what it was, but it was a weird feeling. It was so weird that I decided to scan the parking lot to see was someone following me… it wasn’t even 6pm yet, and it  doesn’t get dark until after 9. As I’m walking towards my building…. I spot HIM AND her…..looking at me as they walk to the car. Yea… the gurl, the “one in particular”. She lives here in my building. My heart was racing when I saw him because it caught me  totally off guard. I wasn’t mad or anything…. I JUST KNEW WHAT I KNEW. I knew they liked it each other, and I know they’re together.

 

I guess the point I’m making is…. I’m still feeling some kinda way about seeing him… and THEM TOGETHER.I really really liked him. I haven’t liked a guy like that in over 10 years. I’m very funny about giving my heart, time and Love to anyone. I have to really know you, and be with you, to know how I feel. And God knew this. But he had to get that message to me… and I got it. But back in the day, baaaaaaby…..as soon as I put that key into the door, I would have been calling him *not caring one thing about what they are to each other* saying……. COME TO MY APARTMENT TONIGHT AT 8. BE HERE!!!! LOL But I’m 45 and I KEEPS IT MOVING…..The one for me is still out there!!! 🙂

Where works of the flesh exists, there is NO joy
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Wonderful Weekend!!

rennisance

Hey,

 

I had a wonderful weekend with my daughter and her dad’s family reunion. Neisha was the Vice-President and Mistress of Ceremonies for the very well planned, very organized event. I love her dads side of the family because they always show me LOVE. I hate I was having such a good time that I didn’t take photos like I normally do. I forgot to take my camera to the banquet, and the after party her dad had in his hotel room. In 2 years they are taking the reunion to BUFFALO NEW YORK!!! Atlanta wanted it, but New York beat them out.

 

It gave me great joy to see Neishia walking around and all her people know her. Her dads family is HUGE. And to see that I put away my foolishness with her dad, so that she could have the best of both worlds made me so happy that I finally listened to the voice of God.

So much is going through my mind right now…. Tomorrow, I’ll gather my thoughts on the Trayvon Martin case…. and another VIRGO MAN I MET LAST NIGHT…OH BOY….. * SMH*

Where works of the flesh exists, there is NO joy
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VIRGO MEN…. are something different…..Cree’s Blog Entry #virgo

i am creeIts 4:03  in the morning…. as I  listen to Anthony Hamilton Best in Me. I’m loving this song, even though its old, I heard it for the first time a few days ago.

 

I have something on my mind and I have to write it out.. I will not go to bed holding this.

 

This is my last post on Virgos, I use to be deep into signs but over the last 14 years I just don’t put much into it. But I cannot ignore the constant signs all the men I know appear to be. This is bothering me, the behavior seems to all be the same.

 

I met this guy about 3 plus weeks ago, in the parking lot of my building, he moved in not long ago. When I met him he was just getting out of the hospital with pneumonia and  out of his truck with an oxygen tank in his hand. He’s a very nice looking guy. We exchanged numbers, but I never called him, he was doing all the calling. Now I know me, I’m very funny… I meet a lot of guys and if one catch my eye, I’ll let him pursue me. It took me a long time to call him, I kept running into him in the lobby and he was very persistent about me calling. I told him I would… but I didn’t.

 He saw me again in the lobby and said to me… if you’re not going to call me, then be honest, just say it. The way he said it made me “want to call him”, he appeared to be interesting in a “crazy” kinda way. But I didn’t.

 

He called me and let me have it. LOL He was talking to me in a respectable tone, but I was shocked at how it bothered him that I didn’t call. I felt kinda bad, and made up in my mind that I was going show more interest.

 

The more we talked over the phone, I liked him. We decided from the beginning to be just friends…. I’m “doing me” at this time, and he is newly separated. I liked the fact that he was really showing me in our conversations that he really wanted to make a “new friend”… and thats it!!!

 

One day he asked me would I go to the store for him and help him out until he gets off his tank. That shocked me… because I DON’T RUN ERRANDS FOR NOBODY. He is NOT MY MAN!!!! Especially not this time in my life. I have nieces and nephews for that. Just recently he asked me to come to his apartment to help him put together his fan that was brand new. I decided to go, but after we finished talking and laughing, he end up doing it himself. We had a good time , he has a nice apartment. I really felt that we could be good friends, but its still something, I haven’t figured it out yet.

 

We debate over the smallest things. He can ask me 1 million questions * and he never forgets what I say* but when I ask him something he don’t want to talk about….. that’s a debate. A few days ago * lol* I was pulling up in the parking lot and so happens he was RIGHT BEHIND ME, its hard to find a good spot in this building So happens the parking spot he had before he left was still opened, but it was the last one, and since I pulled in first, WE ARGUED ABOUT THAT. LOL LOL LOL LOL He felt I should have let him get it since he had his tank. WE argue about every little thing, he will say something crazy, we hang up, then he calls back and say… okay sorry about that you be making me mad gurl. LOL WOW

 

The next day, after talking on the phone for a long time * I hate talking on the phone*. He said to me… ” I see now that you’re not going to help me out”. Now I do understand that he needs help, he’s the only child and he really need to get back on his feet. I said to him, let me break this down to you, and I want you to hear me with your heart. I know I can be brutally honest, but I wanted him to “get it”.

 

I told him. … this is the first time being out on my own. I enjoy hoping in my van and going anywhere I want to go. I have no children, No man, and I can do anything I want to do in my life. I said right now I’m “doing me”. I have no plans of going on ANYBODY’S ” To do list”. I said I love going to the movies alone, I go and see 2 movies in one day, go to dinner, take a ride to the river, and listen to my music. I’m getting to know me. I said to him.. I’ve always been a motherly person, and if I start coming to your house to wash dishes, going to the store, picking you up something to eat, cooking for you, washing your clothes…. I said IT WILL NEVER END. I know me. This is who I am. I said right now… I’m doing me, getting to know LaCrease, nobody is on my ‘ TO DO LIST” BUT ME!!!

 

He listened, we talked. But the very next day…..he didn’t answer my text, didn’t answer his phone. I thought he was dead in his apartment. In my mind I’m thinking we just had a honest conversation and this man is dead strapped to his oxygen tank. His Tahoe was in the parking lot, that really had me wondering. I put on some clothes and knocked on his door.. I knocked and knocked and knocked… no answer. I went back to my apartment and thought about it. I decided to have someone to call his phone to see if he answers. HE picked up the phone. That really SHOCKED ME. My whole everything I felt about him was INSTANTLY GONE. That’s one thing I CANNOT STAND about myself. If you say some messed up stuff to me to hurt me, or show me differently than what you say…. IM DONE ITS A WRAP. I wont deal with you again. I’ll speak and be nice… but to hold a conversation and GIVE YOU MY ENERGY… NEVER THAT.

 

So finally after I called him about 7 times * SMH NEVA AGAIN* he answers the phone. LOVING ALL THE TIME AND ENERGY I put into calling him, and knocking on the door. He LOVED IT. I said see, this is the friendship love I show you, and you said you were sleep, but yet you wake up every morning and call me, but after this talk…. you were sleep…. OKAY. Nothing he said moved me. I was numb and had ABSOLUTELY nothing else to say. He knew it, but it was funny to him. Then he started saying … you really like me, I can tell the way you talk to me, and look at me. I can tell you can fall in love with me…… I can see it. He kept going on and on…. making me so mad. It takes a lot for me to like a guy. All while I’m saying to myself….. ITS A WRAP FOR YOU BOO. IMMA SHOW YOU HOW MUCH I DONT LIKE YOU… NOW HOW BOUT THAT. After we hung up… we didn’t talk for the rest of the night, and we didn’t talk not once today. I WISH I WOULD PICK UP A PHONE I HATE TO BE ON ANYWAY. GMFU

 

This is what I go through with VIRGO MEN. Everyone of them that I know. All I can do is shake my head. As I look back on my VIRGO post… I’m going to repost a few things that reminds me of him.

 

He will woo her, be attentive, listen intently to all she says, taking notes and remembering fine details of all she says. He is a gentleman in every sense of the word. This man will make you feel as though you are not only the only woman in the room but the only woman on the planet as well. He’s known for luxury, comfort and fine things. He will call the next day, send texts wishing you a “good morning”, and he will be highly romantic. He sounds like dream come true. The more you try to please this man, the more you will fail.

 

He may become enraged when you stand ground, but I will tell you he will respect you for it. You never want to lose the respect of Virgo, for once you do, you lose their attention. CONTROL should be a the middle name of a Virgo male. And many times in an effort to control aspects of their own lives they, in turn, attempt to control aspects of yours, though they don’t see it this way. It’s their life, you happen to be part of it, therefore you are subjected to their insatiable need for such control. That is how they view it. When you express your desires, needs, and wants, they will fulfill them only if it fits into what they want for their own lives. They appear to be very black and white thinkers.

 

They are also creatures of habit. I find them to be very predictable and ending relationships is not their strong suit. They tend to do so in a cut and dry manner, they shut down, withdraw and silence. They won’t return your calls, nor your texts, but they won’t tell you to “get lost” either. They tend to hold onto the past as they may regret their decision and want to revisit it. They are notorious for having explosive break ups, turning a tiny disagreement into a full blown brawl. They walk out, fall silent but make no mistake they are so sure of your love for them they will wait by that phone for the apology they feel they so richly deserve (even if they started the battle). As time goes by and you are not calling they become even more angry, bitter and resentful. But, and this is a big but, they are also known to reappear without warning, and attempting to discuss the issue long after you’ve moved on and forgotten about it. This causes many women bewilderment and they cannot figure out what the game plan is here. Is he trying to reconcile? Did he miss me? What’s he doing? What he’s doing is seeking validation that you are still waiting for him, and if you give him that, you will be placed back up on that shelf to collect dust only to be taken down and played with whenever he needs to feel secure again. It’s a horrible catch 22.

 

Where works of the flesh exists, there is NO joy
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Behind the Scenes~ Your child at school.. *Parents must read* Crees Blog Entry

hpqscan0001Behind the Scenes~ Your Kids at School

 

When Neisha was growing up… it use to irritate me so bad the NUMBER OF TIMES I had to tell her that when she leaves from spending the night out, to make sure she pack up all her clothes and personal things. She would ALWAYS come home without SOMETHING. For the life of me, I couldn’t understand why she wasn’t “getting it” after the first 10 times of me yelling.

 

 

What I realized is THAT….. Its a must YOU TELL your KIDS THE SAME THING OVER, AND OVER, AND OVER, AND OVER, AND OVER, AND OVER until you are BLUE in the face. Kids just don’t get it hearing it once. I GET THAT NOW. It’s okay….it really is.

 

 

I have to tell the same kids over and over and over… “go to your class” “Stop playing in the hall”… “leave that gurl alone” “pick up your mess”. “pull your pants up”, “stop cussing”, “throw your tray away”, “stop playing so much”. And at one point I said God.. why do I have to tell the same kids the same thing over and over and over again? He said to me…. how many times do I STILL have to tell you….. to slow down, be patient, take your time, listen, make sure the door is locked, get gas before you go to work, make sure you have your keys, put your license back in your wallet before you lose it, turn your head lights off, make sure the stove is off before leaving the house. I can go on and on. I just smiled when I heard all these things that I CONSTANTLY need to be told to do.

 

 

The BIG PICTURE is this….. No matter how tired you get of telling your kids something over and over and over again…. understand you just may have too. We are people and its in us to be told something OVER AND OVER AGAIN. Also know there maybe something’s, that you’re only willing to tell your child only once. One thing Neisha knew I wasn’t going to repeat myself was, when, I told her to come here. She always came right away, because she knew that was something I didn’t want to tell her twice about. I can hear you saying to your kids “clean up your room” wash your plate out when you finish eating, pickup your clothes behind you, wash your hands, take this garbage out, do your homework, do your chores, be in by curfew. I realized that WE’RE ALL WIRED UP to be told over, and over, and over, and over again to do the thing we know to do.

 

 

Guess what? The same things you’re telling your kids at home …. when they come to school the next day…. ITS MY TURN. #idontmindatall

Where works of the flesh exists, there is NO joy
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