if you have forgiven her…..lets see. PART 2 Cree’s Blog Entry
She moved in…without her husband. They were in the process of a divorced. I hated her being back, living under me, seeing my every move. And me wondering if she was a even worst person than before. By this time, I had built a wall around myself where I was very private. If you wanted to ask me a question about me…… you wouldn’t because you’d be scared of me going off. My business was my business and no one was ever going to hurt me in that way again.
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As time went on, I wanted to know how things happened with her and my daughters dad. She told me everything. By this time, I had cut him off completely as far as sexual. He came to see his daughter, but I wouldn’t let him buy me a sandwich if I was Hungary AND HAVEN’T EATEN IN 50 WEEKS… HE WAS CUT OFF. When I’m done….. I’m done.
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Me and her started going to Church, we would talk and really enjoy each others friendship again. I NEVER TRUSTED her in that kinda way as far as my male friends. NEVA …. but it was something about her that was different this time. She told me how her husband use to beat her, and how he got on drugs, and how he made her life a living hell. Apart of me wanted to say…. That’s what you get…. but there was something in me that wouldn’t allow me to be ignorant. Believe it or not, we were the BEST OF FRIENDS. She was better a friend to me then, than she ever was before. And what’s funny……. is that all my friends that I use to call over to help me terrorize her, had a hard time letting the offense that she did to me go. I couldn’t even explain how things had changed, and how God moved her out of the house, and then back into it years later, JUST SO THAT I COULD LEARN THE POWER OF FORGIVENESS. When she moved out, I moved out as well. We kept in touch as we do today. I can’t explain our friendship and how God did things, but it was for our good. And even though we live in different cities, we chat on FB all the time, and she’s MY BIGGEST FINANCIAL SUPPORTER OF ALL MY HOMELESS PROJECTS. She is truly a Woman of God and I love her dearly. And I Thank God for showing me who I was, and how to FORGIVE. Even if it took for him to move her out of town, and back into the same house years later to teach us both a lesson. God knew that it would come together.
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As I laid on the couch last week talking to God. I asked him…… PLEASE TELL ME…. LORD, WHY AM I SO NICE? WHY CANT I JUST GO OFF AND LET THAT BE THE END OF IT? WHY DO I FORGIVE PEOPLE SO EASILY WHEN OTHERS WOULD NEVER SPEAK A WORD TO THE PEOPLE WHO HURT THEM? WHY IS IT SO EASY FOR ME TO KEEP IT MOVING AND STILL KEEP PEACE? WHY AM I SO NICE… I MAKE MYSELF SICK LORD!!!! WHY?
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Part 3 coming tomorrow. Its deep.
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Where works of the flesh exists, there is NO joy
How Im dealing with Anger….Cree’s Blog Entry!
Hey,
I know I have been missing…. LOL Just doing some Soul Searching ya know? I decided that I wasn’t going to “do too much” that I was going to buy me some sticky posts and go back to writing simple notes and tag them around my computer monitor to remind me of what’s important.
Right now I have 10 notes, and 5 of them says…. “Stop trying to take on everybody”… “Call Sherry Friday after 7”, “God, Me, Family and Friends”, “My credit score is….” and the other is my work schedule for the week”. I realized that I try to do too much. My mind is cloudy, I don’t sleep much, I’m working, doing this, and planning that. So, I decided that God was important, Myself, then family and friends. And I like this. I get to come home from work, and see that I’m not all over the place. I’m the kinda gurl that if I write something down, plan a date, or pick up the phone and make plans……its a done deal. I have to visualize it, and then write it down.
One day last week, me and Neisha were on our way home. We were entering the freeway, when this truck/bus didn’t get over OR speed up so that we can merge properly. Oh, I was heated and on fire. Then Neisha ( my daughter) said to me…..”Ma you gotta stop trying to take on everybody”. She said you cant beat everybody. I’m like WOW….that really, I mean really made a light bulb go off in my head.Her words hit me hard!!! She was right!!!! I do try to take on everybody!!! Wow! And in my mind….. I’m not trying to beat everybody, I just want them to know that they’ve just offended me. I have to blow my horn, or If I’m at work and I say… “this is 20 items or less and you have over 50, and its not fair to the people behind you”. Then if they say ( and they usually will ), well, I’m a customer too, and since I’m already in line, I’m not moving, they’re just gonna have to wait. That right there…………gets my blood boiling. Right there in that moment, my leg starts jumping, and I get this feeling inside, and I have to say “Lord, please come down here and help me”. In my mind, I want to knock everything off the counter, and say ” not by these hands you wont get rung up”. I get down right mad…. again… because I’m angry and feel offended. You’re showing me that you don’t care about others. I’m personally offended by that. In my mind…. I’m asking… how could you look back at this line ( and yes, they are looking at you), and say F*** Yall to these people? Really? Is it really all about you……then since I’m the cashier, I feel you personally made me apart of THE BS. Because I have to ring you up.
Soooooo, when Neisha told me this, it really was a AHA Moment. But still I didn’t know where this anger had come from.
The very next day, I was reading some Tweets and noticed that this one person is always tweeting and talking down on this ONE person. It made me so angry, I made up a fake twitter account and NUTTED UP on them. Each time I sent out a Tweet, it was like “Pepsi to the head”…..FANTASIC feeling. This person didn’t know who I was, and it made it easier for me to go off . Then, it became “time consuming” to keep up with this person. I was way out of character, and it was taking a lot of energy from me, and even though it felt good in the beginning, I didn’t like it anymore. So, after 3 days I deleted the account and asked God….what drives me to “take on everybody”? I begged God to please help me!!! Its killing me to be angry with someone everyday, just because they have “offended” me. I’ve always been a person that does my own thing. But when people gossip, lie, be fake, don’t care about the next persons feelings, think about themselves, be selfish, mean, THAT BOTHERS ME TO NO END. And I don’t know how to control myself.
I said Lord, I cant keep going through this, I want to stop it before it gets way out of hand. God knows that when I need a word from him, I will get some place, sit down and listen for him to speak to me.
He finally did…. Coming up in the next blog entry! You dont want to miss this breakthru!
Thank you Lord
Thank you Lord for giving me LIFE. Thank you for hand picking my family, I love and adore them dearly. No matter how many disagreements we have you always show me that you created them for me, and me for them…..and I see that. I know that. I feel that. Thank you.
 Thank you for the talks we have especially on the River, my favorite place to be in your presense. You bring me joy and make me laugh. You are so funny and you know when I die I am known for always laughing. Thank you for being silly with me when you know that I’m upset about something, you always bring me back with the silly things you say to me, that only me and you know about. I love that. Thank you for taking the “worry box” out of my head, because you know I don’t worry about much at all. I use too, but you always show me that what I’m going through today, will quickly pass and another issue will be at hand, and you always talk care of that too. I love the conversations we have while Im driving, you know its where Im at peace most, and you know how to calm me down. I just love that about you. Thank you.
Thank you for my life and the lives I touch daily.
To be continued….
God talks with LaCrease
Lord Thank you for another day. Lately I’ve had a lot of time to reflect on my life since May of last year with the things that made me “Seek first the Kingdom of God”. You told me to do one thing…… and that’s watch what I say. I didn’t understand what you meant, because my intent is to never hurt anyone’s feelings. But that wasn’t what you were trying to tell me. And for the last few months, you have really shown me what you meant. It’s so deep, and just to think that sometimes I talk so much * not bad* that I never knew that people take my words to heart, to be truth, to the ends. And if my words are not clear, it can go south and that would be the end.Â
For the past month or so, I have been going to work being quiet, just doing my work and leaving the building. My boss came up to me and she said, ‘ I know you don’t like such and such, but I have good news, she will be such and such such and such. I looked at her and GOD SAID DONT SAY ONE WORD…. and I’m saying to myself God let me defend myself, BECAUSE I DIDNT SAY THAT!!! He said, be quiet and listen. After she told me “the big news” she told me NOT to tell anyone * she knows that I wont*, I said okay and she walked away. I stood there doing my work, saying to myself, I DIDNT TELL HER THAT!! Then God said, LaCrease you may not have said you didn’t like her, but in a conversation you come off strong, and since you didn’t make yourself clear, its out there, that you don’t like/care for this person. Oh, that killed me to let her leave me and she believed that I said that. God said to me La’Crease your words have power, and when people talk to you, they listen, you have to be careful of your words, your facial expression, and your body language. Can you imagine how hard that is for me?
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Lately, I’ve been wanting to post my comments on certain things, and I hear God loud and clear, DO NOT RESPOND TO THAT POST!!!! Oh it gets me. I don’t respond either. Same with Facebook. I have been knowing these 2 sisters for over 25 years, and they aren’t talking to each other, I posted something on my board about forgiveness, and one sister responded, and then the other, then the first one responded after hers, then the mother comes and respond. They set my post OFF!!! The sister is mad at the mother and her 4 sisters. I DID NOT KNOW THAT. So the one sister THINKS that I knew this and posted on the topic * I haven’t talked to her since Christmas*, and so she decides to set off my page, thinking I KNEW that SHE wasn’t talking to her WHOLE FAMILY. SMH.Then the sister I’m close to, sends me a private message saying that God used me to post that message, because she knew that I didn’t know this was going on, and that she glad it was posted because she knew God lead me. I feel bad for what’s going on in their family, but I came to the conclusion that I won’t let the fact that I am FRIENDS with people, stop me from posting what’s in my heart, and what God leads me to post. Again, I wanted to post and say something to the one sister, but GOD SAID NO!
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Sometimes, when I’m expressing myself, things come out that are true but at the same time, I feel that IÂ share too much. And you know how people gossip and can’t wait to tell something? Well, that’s not me, I tell to much of what’s good. That’s what God is telling me. I get excited and start talking, and these last few months God has really muffled my mouth, and when I’m quiet I get to see the whole conversation without me adding anything to it. And I like that. 
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A few weeks ago, my coworker was telling me about someone she knew who was gunned down, and the more she told the story I was saying to myself, this story sound familiar. When she got to the name of the person, I knew I had heard the story before. Just before I was about to say ” I knew him”, God said DONT SAY A WORD!!! I listened to that whole conversation without saying a word of how I knew this person, or anything. And God is not trying to keep me from communicating , I KNOW THIS, he is trying to get me to understand that its okay to not comment on everything, to NOT feel obligated to do so, to sometimes JUST LISTEN, to be able to let a conversation pass my ears and not have anything to say about it. Because ( MY) LACREASE words has power. I am a person with Integrity and Character and people seem to remember everyyyyyyyyyyything that I say. And a lot of what I say is misunderstood, and if I don’t know that it’s NOT CLEAR TO THAT PERSON, then I wont know to “fix it” I don’t have time to go back and correct all my conversations.
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One day this lady bought some CD’s and when she got to her car, she couldn’t find them. So she came back into the store and accused me of giving them to the person who was behind her, because she can’t find them in her bags. I told the lady to go back out to the car and look one more time, she went off on me, saying she wasn’t going to do that, and that she knew that it wasn’t in there. So my manager comes over and tries to calm the lady down, this makes her even madder and at this point she’s going off on me. I’m getting pissed because I know those CD’s were in her bag because I walked around and put them in her cart. Then the store manager tries to calm her down, and at this point I’m really on fire. They tell her to go back and look in the car while they review the tape, make a long story short, the lady never returned. She FOUND THE CD’S. I’m upset, but I have customers so I have to be the Leader that I am, and take care of my business, I wasn’t that moved by her.
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 Later on that day I post on my FB, Thank God for the armor and prayer this morning for work, because this lady went off on me so bad. Didn’t I get to work the next morning, and the person who handled the case yesterday comes up to me and says: LaCrease that lady must have really bothered you yesterday, I read your post. I looked at her and GOD SAID DONT SAY A WORD…. I wanted to say, you missed the whole point of the post. The point of the post was that I PRAYED FIRST, I PUT ON THE ARMOR OF GOD.That prayer slowed down my anger. She was so focused on what happened that she missed that. But I did say, just because I smile everyday doesn’t mean things don’t bother me. I said I have bad days too, can I please have this 1% of complaint? I said now I would be wrong, If I complained to you the 99% of stories telling of how people get on my nerves. I said let me have my 1%! Whew……….
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Then I go through the issue of knowing something and not saying anything about it. LOL A few days ago a friend was telling me something, and I knew about it, but I didn’t say anything I just listened, well just so happened the person who told me came and joined in, LOL and while I’m sitting there quiet, the person who told me said. Cree I shared this story with you……… and the person who was telling me said WHY DIDNT YOU TELL ME YOU KNEW? LOL I said because it was your story. LOL Had I said……. Oh such and such already shared it with me, then you probably would be looking crazy. Like how you know? LOL
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So, yes this is where God has me at this time in my life. And you know God knows what’s best for me, he’s teaching me something, and the funny part is, ITS DAILY. Everyday I have to be quiet about something. LOL A person like me who is big on communication, this really shuts me DOWN!!!
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In closing of this blog entry…… I will post this Scripture.
1 Peter 3:3-4 ESV / 12 helpful votes
Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious.
Cree
~new level~
Keep talking Lord…..keep on
Hey Everybody!!!
Just stopping in to check with you all. God is so good. Keep on talking to me. Im listening.
